Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bumble is depressing

53 replies

Mermaidwaves · 18/02/2020 06:25

So after my latest man has finished with me after meeting him on Plenty of Fish I thought would try Bumble. Does anyone else find the format really demoralising? I'm not very photogenic and I'm a fuller figured girl and hardly anyone is swiping right so I can message them. The few that have seem to unmatch me immediately. I feel I'm being judged purely on the few decent pics I have up. At least on POF you can message freely, I'm articulate so have more success if I can freely chat to guys and win them over with my personality! WinkDoes anyone else find this?

OP posts:
Fairycake2 · 18/02/2020 06:34

I've not been on Bumble but find OLD pretty shallow whatever the site. Maybe you would be better on something like Match where you can write a profile so it isn't just focused on photos. I dont take a good picture either so totally understand where you're coming from

Original poster
Mermaidwaves · 18/02/2020 06:39

Yes a system where it's not the swiping thing. Bumble allows you to have a profile but it's based mainly on swiping pics so you can only chat if you both match. Great in theory but if no one matches you it doesn't work! I'm hating OLD but can't seem to meet anyone in real life.

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 18/02/2020 07:29

I quite liked bumble. I preferred it to pof, where I found I got a shed load of messages from weirdos and men simply looking for hook ups or that were nothing like what i found attractive. At least on Bumble you dont get the random out of blue messages from disgusting 55 year olds asking if I'd meet them for a quick one.
I liked the fact that the people I matched with had obviously liked the look of me too.
The thing is about OLD is that it is based on how someone looks and whether we find someone attractive or not. You can have the best personality in the world and there has to be some kind of fun communication (banter) but if there isn't physical attraction too, it isn't going to work.
I didnt like match. I found it confusing and not very user friendly and you have to pay to be able to actually talk to some people, could never work out who and why.
I'd stick to bumble, you could use pof too if you wanted to. You might not get as many matches but at least you know when you do it's because you're both starting off with that attraction there.

RuffleCrow · 18/02/2020 07:40

Yeah bumble is shit. I keep hmgetting their "someone likes you- like them back and make their day!' Nofifications. Yeah, right, as if you're actually going to help me by showing me who they are! Hmm all these sites are primariliy about getting people to sign up for the premium service rather than helping people find each other.

wonderrotunda · 18/02/2020 07:49

I can’t help thinking that the paid for sites at least filter enough to assume that if someone has paid they are perhaps more serious about meeting someone than places like plenty of fish that will also have lots of people simply looking for a hook up

Original poster
Mermaidwaves · 18/02/2020 07:49

Yes you have to pay to see who likes you, and most of the blokes live 200 miles away! I have had no conversations at all because the couple of guys that did swipe right have all unmatched me. Perhaps it works for conventionally attractive people which sadly I'm not.

OP posts:
mintich · 18/02/2020 07:50

I married my second ever online date! I thought the same, if I went on a paid for site, I'd get men who were serious and it worked! I used mysinglefriend

ALittleBitConfused1 · 18/02/2020 08:09

The two worst players I ever met were paid members of a site so I dont go by that anymore lol. I just think with old you have to (usually) sort the chaff from the wheat. Tbh I wouldnt pay again, i paid on match and it was shit. OP have you tried taking some different pics. Full length ones help. I have a mix of going out photos, that my friends take. Some of just me and some of groups when were going out and just some basic natural selfies too.

Original poster
Mermaidwaves · 18/02/2020 08:12

I have put some full length ones up as I think that guys need to see I'm bigger so there's no confusion. I have a feeling this is probably the issue as I'm very much a nice face shame about the body kind of girl.

OP posts:
Freefalling123 · 18/02/2020 08:35

I’m on Hinge - it’s fab!!

something2say · 18/02/2020 08:46

Honestly I'd go on a diet. No matter what we do, some men seem to be interested in fancying a woman as well as liking her, and therefore looking attractive is part of the deal for them. I asked my fiancé what made him swipe on me, expecting him to say something about liking my profile or shared interests but he said 'you were hot.' I was a bit shocked. Have we not come on much? So if you're going on a site based on pictures, and therefore sight only, I'd work on that.

ojojoj1 · 18/02/2020 08:58

I singed on match trial for a month . Won’t be rendering . Loads of likes and 0 normal interactions . Creeps asking me if I like dominating and am I up for fun . Yeah mate looking for relationship means I’ll shag anyone really even if I don’t fancy you 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Teapotdespot · 18/02/2020 08:59

@something2say WTF did I just read?

Did you genuinely just tell someone to lose weight in order to attract a man? In 2020, you said that? Really?

OP, change your appearance if you really want to, but if you’re happy then hang in there and wait until you find someone who likes you the way you are.

Relationships based solely on appearance don’t last long at all, they’re superficial and shallow and generally, the partners realise at some point that although they might think each other are hot, there’s very little else to like each other for. Even when they do have a lot in common, if what initially attracted them is looks they often find it’s a lot harder to adjust to life together once the looks fade. True, sticky relationships are all about personalities right from the beginning and it sounds like you’ve got a cracking one of those Smile trust me, that’s so so much more important.

Bumble might not be the platform for you if it’s mostly looks based (I’ve never done OLD, DH and I have been together 12 years since we were 17 so I missed that whole thing!) so maybe try a few different platforms and see if you can get chatting to someone on your wave length?

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 18/02/2020 09:04

I think sites do show people are a bit more serious and there are always offers on them.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 18/02/2020 09:04

*paid

something2say · 18/02/2020 09:05

I thought I'd get called out for that. I agree. It is depressing. But if someone is using picture based sites then..? I agree with all you say, that looks fade and it's who a person is that is important. But OLD seems to start with the simple question of, do I fancy you?

MyuMe · 18/02/2020 09:06

I just signed back up to tinder....free

Deleted it promptly

Same old people who were on there last time.

It is so depressing

Simonfromharlow · 18/02/2020 09:13

I find dating apps depressing on the whole. Iseparated with my husband last year and I'm finding the dating scene totally different from what it was last time I was single!

Justwondering3696 · 18/02/2020 10:16

I think whether paid or not the people are the same and I have seen the same people on more than one site it’s sad they are serial OLD daters and there are weirdos on all sites as people have said before it’s a numbers game and is mainly concentrated on how the person looks . There is badoo but people can be sexual on it as well

Original poster
Mermaidwaves · 18/02/2020 10:36

So I guess online dating is out for us bigger girls, how depressing! I don't get the chance to meet fellas in real life so it's go on a diet or remain single?

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 18/02/2020 11:25

OP if you want to loose weight that's fine. But if you're happy and healthy then stay as you are. I used to be a size 16 to 18 I'm now a size 10 to 12. I attracted as many people then as I do now. There are lots of men out there who are into larger girls. I never had any problems.
I think you need to be realistic though. If youre going for men who are toned gods with gym pics you probably aren't going to be their type. Not necessarily because of whether youre big or small and nothing to do with them being out of your league but if they're into personal training or gym freaks they are probably going to go for someone who shares that interest in fitness, a personal trainer for example.
We cant help having our types be it big or small, black or white, blonde or brunette, short or tall.

everybodyshowlove2020 · 18/02/2020 11:52

I see a lot of these posts and people complain that it's not for them because of age and weight but I'm 30, a size 10 and I still get mostly creeps and the odd one that's not after sexting turns out to be wrong after a few texts.

I don't think it's simply age, weight or looks. OLD is just easy for people to be prat's on there.

Original poster
Mermaidwaves · 18/02/2020 11:56

Oh I'm definately not into the gym types! We wouldnt be suited at all! GrinI swipe on the modest looking, cuddly, safe looking fellas and they're not interested!

I agree it's a great platform for prats and creeps.

OP posts:
Justwondering3696 · 18/02/2020 12:30

@Mermaidwaves I think that some men actually like the larger types and it’s probably just a case of sticking at it I m average size and have still been blocked and unmatched I guess also try not to take it personally OLD is brutal really

BE2BN2BE · 18/02/2020 12:35

@Mermaidwaves I am a bigger girl (size 22 to be exact) and I met my current DP on tinder. It can be depressing, but if guys are purely not swiping on you because of your size then they are not the guys for you full stop. I really didn’t like bumble, but don’t give up! I was on tinder for over six months before I found my guy. Try not to take it personally and never ever change who you are to please a man. You’re bloody fabulous as is x

Swipe left for the next trending thread