Husband says he wants to leave

[Babe2807]

We've been married for 16 years. We have 2 kids - 5 year old daughter and 1 year old son. My husband is adamant he wants to leave. Says the road we've traveled on has ended. There's no spark. Doesn't love me like before. We've had our ups and downs but never did I think we weren't forever. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. I just cry. Any advice?

Hmm so he wants out to go and get excitement. Wonder how he would feel
If you agreed and left the kids with him and buggered off. It always amazes me than men think they can just up and leave there wife and kids

@Babe2807, so sorry you are going through this. All sounds very familiar to me. I got the ‘we’re holding each other back’ routine. I later discovered affair with and big love for ex-girlfriend when he had vehemently denied affair. Look after yourself (and I’m giving myself that advice too). x

Amazing how these men think they can just walk away from their own kids. I’d be very tempted to scare the crap out of him you’ve thought about what he’s said and realised that actually you need a holiday and a fling and a bit of time off from just being a mum so you’ll be moving out ASAP but will see the kids every other weekend. Would love to see the look on his face if he thought he’d actually have full time care for his children, what a knob.

Look after yourself OP, do you have friends you can talk to, a supportive family etc?

Someone's waiting in the wings.

Well. It transpires he's been confiding in an ex colleague and talking about relationships. There is no affair there. Nothing romantic. But looks like she's making him confused by saying unhappiness is always down to the relationship and that life is too short. Clearly she's sad and lonely and has no regards for relationships.

Tell him you want to travel and have new relationships too, so he'll have the kids 50/50 yeah?

Poor lamb isn't he, being led astray by this ex colleague

It sounds like an emotional affair.

He's a garden variety spoony. He's re-writing history in his mind already to justify jettisoning his wife and young kids with The Script - we grew apart, no sex, no spark, she changed, just got to 'talking' to ex colleague (and then changed things, after I told my wife we were splitting, to shagging) blah blah blah. He's a cheating prick.

Get some legal advice. I'd tell him to leave. Sorry arse cunt. He's a dime a dozen, loser husband and shit excuse for a father.

The temptation to come back and say 'you're right, I want to try something new too, why don't we explore each having the kids for 6-month blocks so we can both travel and shag other people' would be so strong for me.

He's bored. @DelphiniumBlue's post from Sunday night absolutely nailed it.

Spineless fucker. Get legal advice OP. I'm so sorry.

Are you working ? Do you live in your own home or rent? I think you need to get angry and get financially even!
He’s shown that he doesn’t deserve your trust and it’s important to keep reminding yourself of this. You have your DC futures to plan for?
Make sure you have funds in a separate account in case he does suddenly spend any joint account monies . Look at as much statements etc you can and get financially savvy especially with pensions etc get details whilst you can
Get some legal advice and don’t rely on him to be trustworthy with anything he says or does.
Remember to tell your friend or family what’s going on don’t sugar coat it to paint him in a good light he doesn’t deserve it you need to put yourself first x x

Oh dear,
What do you want op?

Get legal advice.

Get access to money sorted. Move some if you can, to an account only you can access.

Get him out and get used to being without him.

Once he's gone you can mourn your relationship and I guarantee you'll find your life is better without him, eventually.

You never know what is around the corner, life always throws up the unexpected but us mums are strong.

You will be fine

I'm gutted for you, op! How selfish and immature is your husband, pity he didn't have the desire to spread his wings before you had children. Blimey, the youngest is only one!

Get your finances sorted, seek legal advice and sit back. Try not to let him know how upset you are, play it cool and act independent. Go out with friends sometimes, he can mind the children while he is still living at yours.

I think he will regret his decision but get on with your life anyway.

He's a shit.

You all right. He is a shit head. I think he's still not telling me the whole truth. I'm most upset because of the kids. They deserve a happy family.

I do work. I have my own bank account. We also have joint mortgage and joint commitments such as car payments and school fees.

I'm angry he could do this to me and the children.

You'll go through many different emotions, I'm sure.

Your children will have a happy family, not all happy families include two ever present parents. My parents split up when I was 3, I rarely saw my dad but I do consider my childhood to have been very happy with my mum and brothers.

Get legal advice.He almost certainly has the next one lined up.

Yeah, sorry OP, it's the ex colleague.

Get that solicitor on board.

OP, I don’t usually post on this board, but just wanted to send you well wishes for getting through this really shitty time.

He has had his head turned by the colleague. I’ve seen it time and time again in a professional environment.

Cuddle your babies close and call a solicitor first thing in the morning

He is rewriting the narrative of your marriage to justify his infidelity and abandonment of his family. He is having, at the least, an emotional affair with this ex colleague.

I would tell him that I no longer have any respect for him. He is not a man of integrity.

I think I’d tell everyone he said he didn’t want the kids. That’s what he’s saying after all.

Honestly let him go. But question the travelling thing - his kids deserve to grow up with regular contact.

Discuss what 50/50 custody will look like. Make it clear that he is expected to be an active parent and you will not cover for his parenting omissions.

He may see things differently then.

I’m sorry to say that he can leave you. But he cannot (Ok, should not) leave his children.

The ex colleague sounds dodgy and there may be more to that friendship than meets the eye. What an absolute twat he is to think he can just be footloose and fancy free after making a commitment to marriage and family and finding out it's not a bed of roses. How did this ex colleague come up in conversation? Have you checked his phone?

ps sending hugs - it must be horrendously difficult for you but you will have lots of people here supporting you through it with great advice and wise words. A year from now things will be a whole lot brighter for you.

Emotional affairs are far worse than an ' a quick shag' type thing.

These fantasy relationship cause so much pain and confusion.

And for what?

The grass is never greener.
Same old problems and boredom.

Read Shirley glass - not just friends.

Why do ow see these guys as a catch when they are just weak willed, confused and bord men.