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Original poster

The best way to turn down right or flight?

87 replies

Movingon83 · 15/02/2020 09:33

Hi,
I’m dealing with the after effects of trauma. My brain is making my body unwell from what I’ve learnt is living in constant flight mode.

What is the best way to give by body a break? I’m hoping that if I give my body a break my mind will strengthen.

I’ve signed up for counselling but in the meantime....do I really need to medicate myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon83 · 17/02/2020 18:53

Oh god he turned up at the house I’m staying today twice. Went mad shouting and banging the door. I called the police but I’m so scared of him. All in front of little ds.

OP posts:
category12 · 17/02/2020 18:58

Can you move somewhere else without telling him?

Sorry this is happening Flowers. Well done on calling the police.

Original poster
Movingon83 · 17/02/2020 19:09

I’m still shaking and it was 2 hrs ago. I don’t want to live like this, I’ve had years of it. I feel so bad for the family member I’m staying with. I need to look at moving.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 17/02/2020 19:13

Oh your poor thing. Glad you called the police.

Re healing yourself - personally I found the combination of ADs and talking therapy really helpful. Changed my reactions to things in a very positive way - I am much, much happier.

Might be worth talking to your GP again about a short-term course?

Original poster
Movingon83 · 17/02/2020 19:14

Today reminded me of his face, his eyes I used to be so scared of. It’s reminded me why I’m doing this, I must never forget!

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon83 · 17/02/2020 19:18

I’ve caused this because I’ve stopped child contact and taking it thorough the courts. I’ve poked the sleeping lion and I’m scared now!

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 18/02/2020 11:10

IDK if previous PP's have said, but EMDR is one of only two evidence-based therapies for these sort of symptoms. I've found it really helpful- would recommend.

If this doesn't work- medication might. You could see your GP anyway and specifically describe these symptoms, which if you've been in the past you might not have focussed on while talking to them. That way they could put you on the list for suitable therapy.

Best wishes xxxxx

BemidjiMinnesota · 18/02/2020 11:20

No wonder you are terrified if he's hunting you down and banging on the doors.

You did the right thing to call the police. It might be safer to stay in this someone else's house for a while, rather than being alone. He doesn't sound stable. If he continues to harass you would you consider moving into a refuge?

Please ensure all these incidents are logged with police in case you need to get a non molestation order.

In the meantime, read 'The Body Keeps The Score' book, have a relaxing bath, wear warm snuggly clothes and generally try to make your body feel as peaceful and safe as possible.

Therapy helps in the longer term.

Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 11:28

I think I’ve been in survival mode this past year since I left. I was still under his control from afar. I’m more afraid now then ever, I see him.

OP posts:
BemidjiMinnesota · 18/02/2020 12:26

How are you still under his control? Does he have your phone number? Does he turn up where you work? Have you blocked him on all social media?

Lots of people on this thread can give you advice about minimising contact with him, or applying for a non molestation order.

Do you need to stay in that local area? Could you make a fresh start somewhere else where he can't find you?

Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 12:45

I only blocked him in Dec, then he continued through the lawyer. I have had to go through a period of complete tearing apart before I realised I was being abused. Then I thought I deserved it. Now I know I didn’t. Today is my first day awake in 12 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 12:46

And it’s terrifying!

OP posts:
category12 · 18/02/2020 12:56

I think it'll be a bit difficult to deal with your trauma while it's ongoing - being afraid and hypervigilant are completely sensible responses to his behaviour.

Not to say counselling/therapy/medication can't help you get through this, but you also need to address it with a non molestation order etc, and involve the police if necessary. And moving somewhere else/going into refuge may also be good moves.

Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 13:09

I get this now. I can’t stop being afraid until I remove what makes me afraid. To be honest I didn’t believe I was abused. I thought it was me. I thought I was being afraid because I was mad. I pushed the fear down, it was irrational. But it was real and it has a voice. I feel so week and it’s only just started. I don’t know where I’m going to find the strength, but I have to.

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 18/02/2020 13:20

You can take steps to minimise the threat, you’ve already begun that. Acting and taking steps is really positive, it means you’re taking control. I agree with the pp, you need legal help.

Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 13:27

I am getting legal help, but I never listened, because I wasn’t being abused. I wasted a lot of money not being abused! I guess this is the journey!

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 13:29

What’s worse is I put my child and myself in danger not being abused!!!

OP posts:
5LeafClover · 18/02/2020 13:48

Posting to send you support. Flowers

Call women's aid they may have specialist counselling near you. Talk to your gp.

I found self help you tube videos for panic disorder helpful to manage that initial fight or flight 'rush' (but as part of not instead of other professional advice).

Herocomplex · 18/02/2020 13:51

Please please stop blaming yourself. Our minds perform the most incredible tricks to protect us, we’re human.

Original poster
Movingon83 · 18/02/2020 14:47

It’s heartbreaking, now I think what my little boy has been going through whilst I’ve been struggling with the control. He says today he wants to be a baby again because he was special then. He wants mummy to be daddies friend. I’ve been so consumed I didn’t/couldn’t see what was happening to him. I know it’s not my fault but it’s not nice.

OP posts:
rvby · 18/02/2020 16:44

@Movingon83 Today is my first day awake in 12 years. I've been where you are, and you're right, it is terrifying. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your DS.

Just sending you love and understanding during a dark time. The dawn is coming. You did have to wake up in order to see it - and now you have done that. xx

Original poster
Movingon83 · 19/02/2020 07:19

Going against programming is hard work. Now and again I doubt myself. Not doing what i normally do to protect myself doesn’t feel nice. Testing his anger feels scary. It’s hard not to hide back into that part of my brain that protected me. Feeling scared is tiring and horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon83 · 19/02/2020 07:30

All I know for certain in a world which feels very uncertain is that I will no longer make decisions based on consequences but on what I see with my eyes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon83 · 19/02/2020 11:00

I’ve been a terrible mother for the first few years of my ds’a life. Completely vacant and consumed by the dark. Have I caused irreparable damage to him?

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 20/02/2020 13:39

Movingon have you seen the GP now, are you getting some help?

I think you’re doing your best, keep yourself and your DS safe, just as you are now.