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Original poster

Signed sexual consent forms

63 replies

AlwaysInTroubleAgain · 12/02/2020 12:09

Hello
Just wondering if you had any thoughts on this?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-51448445

A lawyer is suggesting that it's now safer to have signed sexual consent forms before parties DTD. I'm wondering about drawing some up for my son.

Has anyone any thoughts or experience in this? I think they are no different to consent forms for any dangerous sports or activities (Skiing, Rugby, ATV etc).

Ms Rotunno is definitely correct, it eliminates the risk and so everyone knows where they are

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 12/02/2020 12:15

I had thought that legally you were allowed to withdraw consent from sexual realtions at any point during the activity, so I'm not sure how this work in the event that one party changed their mind at some point, or agreed to one sort of activity but not another?

I get the idea behind it, but I think it would also be worrying for some people to have that brought out to them - it might make them wonder if their partner has been accused of rape before, or that they are signing away an opportunity to state later on during sex that actually, they're not comfortable and would like to stop at that point.

Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 12:15

it eliminates the risk and so everyone knows where they are

@AlwaysInTroubleAgain The thing is people have the perfect right to say they're not in the mood, either immediately before the act, or even to ask the person to stop after it's started.

If they signed a thing, people who deliberately ignore someone's lack of consent will use that someone signed something as proof they consented, when they didn't.

CousinKrispy · 12/02/2020 12:17

It sounds to me like a dangerous parallel to the notion that marital rape doesn't exist (because being married implies consent, or implies that the woman is the sexual property of the man, therefore there's no such thing as "raping your wife" ... which of course is hooey).

What if you sign the consent form, then partway through the interaction one person becomes violent or offputting and you wish to withdraw consent, as you have a perfect right to do? Does the prior written consent simply give a sexual predator yet another opportunity to victim blame and claim that the interaction can't possibly be classed as rape, because look, she signed her rights to bodily autonomy away earlier?

Your son can avoid rape accusations by avoiding raping women (or men). That includes sex with people who are too drunk to consent or vulnerable in some other way. Encourage him to have sex with people he knows well enough to trust, is on an equal footing with, and to treat them with respect, and he should be fine.

gingerandsmall · 12/02/2020 12:17

How ridiculous. Consent isn't a one time deal. It can be withdrawn at any point. These forms would just make even fewer convictions possible.

Shimy · 12/02/2020 12:18

What happens when you sign the form. Next morning you wake and just not in the mood 2hrs. Do you have to have sex anyway?

A lot of ‘encounters’ are spontaneous. At what point during footsie -under -the -table do you bring out the form?

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 12/02/2020 12:20

I find this worrying because, as others have said, surely it’s an excuse to get someone to sign and then act in a scary or not previously discussed way then claim they can’t withdraw consent. You must be able to change your mind at any time for any reason.

Aposterhasnoname · 12/02/2020 12:21

What everybody else said, plus how does it even work? Are you supposed to take a stack of the forms out with you just in case the opportunity arises? In a briefcase perhaps that you and your friends can dance round in lieu of handbags.

partysong · 12/02/2020 12:22

Sorry I agree with others. There is no risk for your son and the idea of creating a consent form,seems to me shaped by the idea that women make large numbers of false allegations about rape. They don't.

We don't need this. Rapists need to stop raping.

JacquesHammer · 12/02/2020 12:26

You don’t need to draw up forms for your son.

You need to ensure he knows that consent can be withdrawn at any time and to adhere to that.

gingerandsmall · 12/02/2020 12:28

it eliminates the risk and so everyone knows where they are

everyone knows where they are = rapists know they have carte blanche without any repercussions

Peignoir · 12/02/2020 12:28

Nonono. I wouldn't let my sons sign such a thing. What happens if the person retracts the consent?

Fiddlersgreen · 12/02/2020 12:29

No,no, a thousand times no.

As others have sensibly said, you have the right to refrain from having sex at any point.
If you’ve already signed the form, should you not be allowed to change your mind? Or what if the other person forces you to sign, through violence or threat?

Cyborgfeminist · 12/02/2020 12:34

What PPs have said. Consent can be withdrawn at any time and even during.

Having signed forms would mean that there was a presumption of consent because the written form would be there as evidence, and the onus would fall on the accuser to prove that consent had been withdrawn subsequently. So proving the withdrawal of consent would come down to ‘he said, she said‘, -vs- a signed piece of paper which would presumably look more convincing in terms of evidence.

RepeatAdNauseum · 12/02/2020 12:38

It doesn't hold up. This isn't the first lawyer to grab some publicity from promoting these things... there were a few in the UK when I did my law degree years ago, and some last year, too.

It doesn't hold up because consent isn't that binary. And it raises further issues around retracting consent, pressure to sign...

Not to mention that your son would probably not get near another person as soon as he asked one to sign. It would be scary, and your first thoughts would be about why someone wanted written consent...

It's a non-starter.

CodenameVillanelle · 12/02/2020 12:40

Don't be so fucking stupid
What if you sign the form then change your mind - can the other party continue with impunity because you signed the form? This would essentially legitimise rape (even more than it is already)
You cannot pre-contract to sex, because anyone can withdraw consent at any time.

Also your son just needs to ensure he has enthusiastic consent. He doesn't need contracts. Weirdo

12345kbm · 12/02/2020 12:40

Ms Rotunno wouldn't need the consent form as she's far too busy defending rapists and victim blaming. She wouldn't need it because she wouldn't put herself in the position to be raped. Ms Rotunno doesn't like women very much.

MaidenMotherCrone · 12/02/2020 12:54

Don't raise a rapist, save on paper! Easy! (This is the most stupid thing I've ever read on Mnet)

Oldrockman · 12/02/2020 12:57

Won't work, simply the form is yes lets start but I have lost the desire to during the act, others do so it is only a reflection of the point where forms are signed. It is pretty easy to go through life being thoughtful of who you are going with. Avoid those incapacitated, check they are sure, be aware of their reactions, if they seem to have lost interest or don't seem to be enjoying it check or stop.

PicsInRed · 12/02/2020 13:00

I guess in 2020 a kiss is a contract.

You've come a long way, baby. Hmm

Sagradafamiliar · 12/02/2020 13:01

They will be used against women. They'll be like rape licenses.

Friendsofmine · 12/02/2020 13:07

Bloody hell what a terrible idea and awful misunderstanding of consent. Consent is not a decision it is an ongoing process and at any point you can change your mind!

As a non sexual analogy, its like you can walk out of the cinema, ticket in hand, because you don't like the film. You can't be made to sit there like a prisoner because you bought a ticket!

Juliette20 · 12/02/2020 13:09

Wouldn't have helped in a certain footballer/rugby player rape cases, apparently if you consent to sex with one man you consent for all his mates to have a go on you as well.

And what if the guy does something you don't want and you want to stop?

Rather than advising men to get a form signed, I'd advise single women to stay home and have a nice wank instead than trust a minority, but an awful lot of men.

Scapegoatforlife · 12/02/2020 13:09

This is disgusting

LemonTT · 12/02/2020 13:11

Just waiting for someone to claim they video the whole thing to evidence consent

doritosdip · 12/02/2020 13:15

Not a good idea. You might want to do it once rather than. Multiple times, stop mid sex, be intoxicated or high, signed under duress....

I will be telling my sons not to have sex with people who are too drunk to even know where they are, unconscious, high on drugs etc They may say yes but it's like me holding my kids to something that they said in anger during an argument.

I will also be telling them not to get angry if consent is withdrawn. I liken it to them saying that they fancy spaghetti bolognese tonight but not being in the mood for it when presented with it later. As the person who made it, it's annoying that it will be wasted but I can't make them want it and it's unsatisfying if they eat it to please me.