My hubby is extremely down. I guess I'm still feeling hurt, but now pitty him in a way. Its not nice to see him hurting, but I'm not sure if im 100% ready to lay by his side again.
The problems started after we bought our home together. It needed lots of work and my husband proposed that he would work up the house in the week to get it done but I pay all the bills. It seemed reasonable and so I took on all the bills, working 52 hours a week and then also working on the house at the weekend.
As time went on it seemed like little progress was being made on our house. I started to suspect he was lying to me about working up the house. I was riggt to have my suspicion as I found out that instead of working up our house his family had been having him do their houses instead for them or running them around to shopping, hairdressers etc. I started to call him during my lunch break, and ask where he was. He'd reply helping my brother build his wall or my brother wanted me to take things up the tip for him, my brother wanted me ti take his car for an mot and so on day after day.
His brother know this was causing arguments between us but still continued asking my husband to do stuff for him each day. But worst was that my husband would do it and eventually told me to f##k off when I told him I wasn't happy at all with it.
My husband also started being very secretive with his phone and I found loads of porn. He would lie to me but I had the evidence on his on phone and this really knocked my confidence having recently been through miscarriages. His brother found out that I wasnt happy with him watching porn to that extent and when I asked my husband if he'd been looking at any more porn, he said yes my brother showed me some, just to prove that all men watch it and he doesnt understand why you're not happy with me viewing it. I told him that the boundaries in our relationship should not be decided by his interfering brother.
I stopped paying all the bills, made him go back to work and moved in to one of the other bedrooms. I was not leaving the house I had piled all my money into and he was adamant that he wasn't too.
Now his father, mother and 2 other close relatives have past away all within a period of 12 months. I can see he is a broken man, and this hurts me. He says he misses his wife and he wants me to cwtch up in bed with him. But he does not seem sorry for what he put me through. In a way im still hurting and feel like he was using me but a part of me wonders if its time to forgive. Just not sure if I can face laying besides him, I have tried once or twice but end up leaving the room as soon as he's is asleep. He has nightmares alot now and I hear him screaming out, wimpering alot during the night. I can't help but feel sorry for him, he's my husband after all. But on the other hand I feel that he has himself to blame for now feeling alone and missing his wife.