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Original poster

In Laws refusing to pay for their share of wedding

230 replies

tigersmum · 03/09/2007 11:16

They agreed to pay half the wedding costs and now a week after the wedding they are saying that they have given them enough money in the past, like deposit for the house, double glazing, and they said they would rather but them a new boiler, whats wrong with the one they have?, rather than pay the £2,800 we aked them for which by the way is no where near half as it cost us £13,000. What the hell do we tell daughter and son in law when they get back from honeymoon at the end of the week.

OP posts:
Isababel · 05/09/2007 20:21

I see. Thank you

macdoodle · 05/09/2007 21:33

Blimey gifts suits money honeymoons - TBH I find this thread mind boggling that (a) so much money, effort and bad feeling can be expended in one day, and
(b) I know I really don't know you or this situation but TBh if I was the in laws I think I would feel you were arrogant controlling cash happy show offs
Sorry

Elizabetth · 05/09/2007 22:02

Aren't gifts, suits, money and honeymoons pretty much standard for most weddings? Certainly quite a few of the ones I've been to.

13k isn't a huge amount compared to what some people spend on weddings nowadays. The average cost of a wedding in the UK is now £11k. I'm surprised tigersmum is being given such a hard time here.

macdoodle · 06/09/2007 09:37

Well I guess so but to make such a big deal aout it and generate such bad feeling seems absurd to me and even if it is average doesn't mean that £13K is reasonable or sensible - blimey with first time buyers moaning about getting on the property market and then blowing all that moeny in one day - I would rather give my DC the money for a deposit than spend that sort of money on one day....
my H and I went away to get married just the 2 of us it wasn't cheap but we hade 3 glorious weeks in luxury hotesl including the wedding rings photos etc ...and we paid for every penny!

cornsilk · 06/09/2007 09:39

What I keep asking is did the in laws agree that the costs should be 13k? When they agreed to pay half was a total decided upon? Maybe they had anticipated a lot less than that being spent. But tiger's mum won't answer that so we don't know.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 09:45

Yes, they are standard things, but I'd not expect a gift as well as payment for the wedding. One or the other would be lovely but not important. It's wrong they have gone back on their word, but it's not for no reason. And expecting them to buy a present is a bit greedy. If they have paid nothing for the wedding, you might expect something. But then again, they have been sending cheques, haven't they? How much for we don't know, because we are given very vague answers.

I'm afraid the fact he sent his bar bill to you, lends further evidence to the fact that he thinks you're more well off than they are and should pay for it all on your own.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 09:46

The average cost is actually 16k and that figure is 2 years' old.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 09:47

That's a guide, not an aim.

It's generated by people who spent lots on weddings and some who spent a little, not statisticians!

cornsilk · 06/09/2007 09:48

Tiger's mum - how do you know for sure they didn't give a present anyway? Surely only your daughter and son in law would know that.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 09:49

You know, the statisticians worked it out but they didn't pluck it from thin air. groan This thread's driving me bonkers, as do most threads on MN that only want to hear from those that agree with them.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 09:52

If being asked questions and being disagreed with is a hard time then so be it! If you want everyone to agree then it's probably wise not to post. The reason people have got more and more frustrated as the thread has gone on, is that everytime someone asks something it is skirted over; everytime someone suggests why it might be the daughter's it's jump to the defence of themselves rather than look at the facts.

No one is saying it is right for them to have gone back on their word, but it depends what their word was and how much exactly they have sent in cheques.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 09:54

sorry:

everytime someone suggests why it might be, it's jump to the defence of themselves...

OBVIOUSLY. It's too early.

Original poster
tigersmum · 06/09/2007 11:50

If you had bothered to read the answers further down I have already said that the money they had been giving us And the £2,800 we asked them for was nowhere near half, so we thought we were being very reasonable, seing as they said two and a half years ago that they would pay HALF. They didnt give a wedding present because my DD said so, I did not assume this fact. How dare someone make the statement'arrogant controlling cash happy show offs' when they dont know me or MY financial situation. WE as a family including the in laws made an agreement to pay for this wedding, so the whole point IS they have gone back on their word. I asked for advice on how to broach the subject when they got back from honeymoon but this thread turned into people slagging me off for even paying for the wedding in the first place and has generated another two threads on the whole getting married in the first place and how much did your wedding cost business, so all the seemingly jealous people out there who either through their own choice or because they had to pay for their own wedding leave me alone. For all the people who have helped me into making my decision about what to do about this whole sorry mess, then Thank you.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 06/09/2007 11:56

But did they know it would be half of 13K? Was that decided on?

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 11:58

OMG tigersmum. You are a hypocrite. You have been making judgements about the in-laws' financial situation, all the way through this thread. No one is saying what they are doing is right, but are trying to say that might be why they have gone back on their word.

macdoodle · 06/09/2007 11:59

No jealousy here I was more than happy to pay for my own wedding and know that there was no bitching and moaning as who paid how much for what......and I stick by the fact that I think 13K is a ridiculous amount for a wedding whoever pays for it...
I apologise if you took my comment personally as I has already apologised saying I did not know you and that is just how it would APPEAR to me - was not personal attack as, as you say I don't know you at all...
Are your new in laws perhaps struggling financially and feel sidelined by your "generosity" and to ashamed to admit they can't afford it...
Seems a damn sad sorry way to start married life with both sets parents bickering over money

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 12:00

The other two threads were not related to this one in the slightest, either. They are to do with a thread from a girl whose bloke won't marry her.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 12:02

And same as macdoodle: I couldn't give a flying rat's arse that I had to pay for my own wedding and that certain other people don't. I've had 'friends' over the years whose parents have bought them flats in their uni town (outright), bought them cars... Jealousy is not the way to conduct your life. Unfortunately, it seems that jealousy is what is making the in-laws behave this way.

NO ONE WAS BLAMING YOU FOR THEIR BEHAVIOUR. WE WERE SAYING THAT POSSIBLY THEY WERE JEALOUS/THOUGHT YOU HAD ENOUGH MONEY, BECAUSE OF THE HONEYMOON AND PRESENTATION, AND SO PROBABLY REACTED TO THAT.

HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 12:05

Oh, and I'm not jealous of people who get given things, because I'm in a bloody good financial position without the help of my parents or his parents. I don't do jealousy. I occasionally do envy... when Angelina Jolie shacked up with Brad Pitt, for instance... but never jealousy. I wouldn't want my parents to pay my expenses, and they wouldn't. But it was very nice of you to do that for your daughter even though she didn't ask for it.

PinkChick · 06/09/2007 12:06

Tissy, tigersmumHAs on several occasions said they DID KNOW how much it would be in total?!

flowerybeanbag · 06/09/2007 12:07

I would say that the situation this poor couple is now in is a fine illustration of why people who paid for their own wedding would very definitely not be jealous!

PinkChick · 06/09/2007 12:08

skimmed this thread, but the main issue is I.L's knew and agreed to pay 1/2 wedding costs, wedding over, now said NO, thats the problem, nothing else..hope you get a reply and they see sense very soon TM

Original poster
tigersmum · 06/09/2007 12:11

I just wish you would get the point , that although the wedding cost what it did and they DID agree to pay half, what they were asked to pay was no where near half, just a small percentage. I did not make any assumptions about their finances, it was they who told us they had lots of money but because it was in a high interest account they would not get it out until we let them know how much they owed so as not to lose intereston their money.

OP posts:
HorseyWoman · 06/09/2007 12:13

Too right, flowery!

PinkChick · 06/09/2007 12:14

youre totally in the right TM, shame its going to cause so much stres'making' them pay the amount they promised, would your dd and their ds knowing theyd refused make any difference?

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