I have been with my partner for almost three years. We have both obviously had relationships before.
When I first started dating my partner I didn’t know much about his past or ex partners. When taking a number from his phone one day I noticed a name of another woman so I added it to my phone book.
When I went on WhatsApp I saw the picture of the woman and realised that it was someone in which I knew of (not in a good way). I couldn’t believe it and I knew straight away that this was his ex.
Cut a long story short she isn’t very clean (STI) sleeps around a lot and has a prolific history of abortions and sleeping with several men at a time.
I was absolutely distraught and couldn’t comprehend why he would date someone like this knowing and hearing his morals and thoughts on a suitable match. I confronted him and I was right he did date her.
I told him I knew her and how disgusting she is and that it makes me feel sick to think I’m with him now after her. I was done but he explained he didn’t know and it was a mistake and he split from her when he found out. So I thought I was overreacting and being out of order.
Problem is he said it wasn’t serious and it was just a hook up a couple of times but he still had all of her families phone numbers in his phone and had admitted that she had been to his parents house.
I had to wait a long time before being introduced to his parents as he said they never approved of his past relationships and weren’t eager in meeting someone else. Which pissed me off because he took her there all of what she is!
Fast forward to now and I still cannot get over it. I can’t get her out of my head. Sometimes when I look at him all I see is her and I can’t help think he loved the way she was and that’s why he was attracted to her but it makes me physically sick where I could throw up my food.
I am put off sexually at times as I just can’t stop thinking about where he has been.
Am I okay? Is this normal because I don’t feel like it is but I can’t shake the feelings that I’m having.
I have very vivid dreams of him being in a relationship with her and I wake up completely resenting him.
Am I insecure? Should I have ended it when I found out? Is there any future? Will these feelings ever go?
I’m so confused and still am disappointed and disgusted with him even though I didn’t know him at the time.
Please be kind I don’t mean to sound like a horrible or judgemental person but I just can’t shake these feelings.
Ps. I have never felt this way or reacted in this way in previous relationships so this is why I’m filled with so much uncertainty.
Thanking you in advance for any comments or advice x