Love bomber alert

[Toooldforthis37]

I'm having a tough time online dating!! Met a very wealthy, successful business man before Christmas and we have been dating. He chased me from the start, messaging me frequently, taking me out for lovely meals, constant calls, texts, telling me he will take me to Rome next month etc. The last date we had he told me he was falling for me and we had the exclusivity chat, so far so good. I have been far less full on with him but he knows I like him. We met Wednesday and since then he has cooled right off.... the messages and calls reduced and when I tried to arrange a meet up this week he was vague. I don't get why men do this, act so full on and then run when you start to reciprocate the interest. I do like him so wondered if I should a) distance myself and see if his interest levels increase again b) call him out and acknowledge his decline in interest and ask if he is wanting this to continue c) continue as I was before when all was ok....? Thanks ladies x

How many dates have you had and if you’ve slept together when did that start in the timeline

Total dates, maybe 12? Slept together on the 5th date.

I'd leave it , if he liked you your know

Interested why you need to add he's wealthy and successful though

!

Have you been to his place OP?

The problem with backing off is that there is a good chance he will will step up the contact again but then its for the wrong reasons. The chances are he will cool off again so I wouldn't get in any deeper for that reason. I would be inclined to either just call it off and say its not working for you, or just say you get the vibe he's cooled off so you don't want to waste your time with him.

Either he's simply lost interest or it will be an attempt to draw you into an escalating cyclical pattern where he blows hot and cold according to whim and you're left in turns either grateful for scraps/ in tears. Exh did this and gradually got more extreme and abusive the more i put up with.

Thanks all. Bigchris just describing him as he is, no other reason really. I have been to his house and anotherdisaster, I'm tempted to do the last one....the trouble for me with the pulling back and waiting is it smacks of game playing. I'd rather he just say if he has lost interest ... so confused by his behaviour.

@RuffleCrow is right. I know we throw the narc label around a lot but he could be one. Be wary.

I'd say he's either in a long term relationship and perhaps has a pied-à-terre where he takes his dalliances. Or, he's chasing someone else now because he's bored. The 'love bombing' is seduction. He gets you into bed, promises you a load of stuff to sleep with you and then moves on.

Yeah, it's weird though...most the full on stuff has been since the sex. Maybe he has just lost interest.... odd as a week ago he was "falling for me"

In that case he could be playing games to 'keep you on your toes'. Either that of he is chasing someone else now. Either way its not good is it.

No....thanks x Going to evacuate I think. Christ this is so tough....

He was acting, got what he wanted and gone.

What @RuffleCrow says also rings true for me - my ex was extremely intense initially and then started to play it cool. If I called him out on his offish behaviour, he'd deny it. If I simply retreated, he'd step up the affection. He'd tell me he wanted to marry me, then when I reacted to that, would suddenly blow cold. It went on for 18 months until I'd had enough and ended it, but those 18 months were a headf*ck! He had other narc traits so it doesn't necessarily mean this guy is doing that, but it's something to watch out for.

If you do call him out on it, it'll be interesting to see what his reaction is. If it's denial/suggestion that you're being over-sensitive, be very wary. Good luck, hope you get it sorted!

Thanks callysuper. It makes you paranoid as you start to question yourself. It's literally 40 texts a day, compliments, future planning to a few functional messages. Even tonight, I hadn't messaged all day, he initiated chat at 8pm and then was too tired to talk. Going to call him out.

I'd distance myself by making as much plans for yourself as possible so you are naturally busy. This will help to take your mind off him and see what happens.

I’d call him out and ask him why his behaviour has changed. If he gives you some shitty response like he’s busy at work then at least you know the interest has died off I wouldn’t bother asking him anything further after the initial question and then at least you know what the craic is and you can then move on. You don’t want to be with someone who drops you like a hot potato at their convenience

I'd go with option b, OP. Perfectly reasonable to question him seeing as his behaviour has completely changed more or less overnight. Arghh I know that feeling, it's horrible. Good luck 💐

Sounds like a guy I used to date. Major love bombing in the beginning. Constant texts, compliments, made me feel special and amazing. Dated for a bit and when I started opening up and liking him he ran away. Over the past 2 years he's tried to get my attention. When he does get it he runs off again. Nightmare

I wouldnt call him out. A game player won't recognise they're being shit and admit it and change. A game player will just say 'I've just been so busy / this week has been manic, nothing has changed'. Something plausible that you wont be able to argue with. And if you ask the same thing again will stat making out that you cant leave him alone etc. What do you want to achieve by calling him out? You know s decent person would message saying 'I've got a really busy week on so dont worry if you don't hear from me, I'm looking forward to our catch up on x' or 'I think I'm coming down with the flu so don't be alarmed if I'm out of action for a few days' etc.

Thank you, will chat with him today and let you know how I get on. I should add that it's not like he has disappeared completely, it's the change from what he was like before... a definite cooling.

No good can come out of being with him. Major red flags. Busy yourself with your life and let him go. He's got issues, may be emotionally unavailable etc but whatever the reason is, continuing with him will just lead to heartbreak.

No, that's the thing though - if it is narcissistic behaviour, he wouldn't just disappear because that's too easy to call him out on. Cooling off is much easier for him to deny or minimalise. Good luck though - don't let him tell you any of this is in your head or that you're overreacting. No relationship should make you doubt yourself.

Good luck OP!

Carbon copy of what happened to me a couple of years ago. I was wondering if you were talking about the same man! Love bombed, told me he was falling for me, I let down my guard and then he became flaky and non responsive. Discovered he was on to his next victim. I blocked everything from him as within a week he had pictures of him and his new girl on social media!