So I actually did it...

[Whatsmynextmove]

I posted a while back about ongoing and deep rooted issues in my long term relationship. I’ve struggled for years and this week I sat down with DP to tell him I can’t do this anymore and I want to separate.
He’s heartbroken, told me he will not give up on me and asked me to consider counselling with him.
I said I’m done, I can’t do this anymore and whilst I’ve done a lot over the years to work on myself, I just can’t get over the resentment I feel for so many reasons.
Am I unreasonable to refuse counselling? It’s almost as though I didn’t say it was over at all and he’s pretending nothing happened.
I don’t know how to explain to him I am done, even with counselling he’s not a person I want to be with and the way I’ve been treated over the years is not something a few sessions with Relate can sort out.
Has anyone experienced a similar situation?
I don’t even know what I’m actually asking, I just feel so disappointed that once again the way I feel is almost being minimised and pretty much ignored.

Thanks @Popetthetreehugger, you’re so kind.

@MyOwnSummer I have yes, thank you 🙂 does anyone know for UC purposes whether you quote the actual full invoice amount, or what you pay, I.e. 80% before HMRC tops up the rest?
I have the appointment on Thursday and I have loads of documentation to take.

Provide full childcare costs of what you have to pay.

You cannot claim Tax Free Childcare and childcare costs via Universal Credit.

If you have a Tax Free Childcare account close it down now otherwise your UC claim including childcare costs will be refused.

@Whatsmynextmove it sounds like you are doing so well. Can you share the good resources you have found on the Internet to support DS2 please? I have a DC2 of the same age and am making the same preparations as you have gone through. Like you there is a sense of excitement about being able to breathe but my worry is this pre-teen emotional vulnerability. Anything you have found would be very helpful. Not wanting to derail the thread, but your movement forward is an inspiration.

@marly11
Thanks for reaching out, I’m sorry you’re going through the same but I hope this thread just goes to show it’s possible and I am feeling better than ever!
Here are some of the links I’ve been reading -

youngminds.org.uk/find-help/for-parents/parents-guide-to-support-a-z/parents-guide-to-support-divorce-or-separation/

youngminds.org.uk/starting-a-conversation-with-your-child/

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/ideas.ted.com/the-best-possible-thing-you-can-do-to-help-your-child-through-your-divorce/amp/

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-raise-happy-cooperative-child/201302/8-strategies-helping-kids-adjust-divorce

I also found the Gingerbread and NSPCC websites helpful.

Good luck with your plans. If you want to talk I’m all ears I totally understand what you’re going through

@SortingItOut thank you - I didn’t know this. I will make sure I close it once I’ve had my appointment.

@Whatsmynextmove thank you so much! Really useful and reassuring information on those links.

I know I’ve not posted for a while, but I just need a hand hold.
He’s still living here. Claims to be leaving at the end of the month.
On Friday I was having some wine and chatting on the phone with friends and he came flying into the room telling me I’m shouting. I then get quizzed about who I’m speaking to. Last night I was lying in bed watching Netflix and chatting with friends on WhatsApp and again he comes in, tells me whatever I’m up to will all come out eventually and that he knows for a fact I’m messing around. I told him to leave me alone. The atmosphere today is toxic. He’s stamping around the place, I feel so intimidated and nervous, in my own home. I’m a nervous wreck. Why can’t I just tell him to go? What is it about him that frightens me so much? I am not a weak person by any stretch of the imagination, but when it comes to him recently I’m a quivering mess.
I don’t know what to do

@Whatsmynextmove that's an awful feeling. I also live like this!
Hang in there, it's temporary.

Could you get out and spend the day somewhere else?

Not really because if I do I’ll be quizzed on who I’m with. I have lots to do around the house too. It’s such a mess. I also don’t want to leave the kids.
It’s horrible isn’t it? Thanks for taking the time to post and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. It’s a small comfort knowing I’m not the only one though.

You should always take it further OP....ALWAYS. And why? For the kids.
I really don't think it did my DS watching me get battered over and over.
Once you get him removed and a molestation order in place you and the kids can relax and take a breath.
You've now let him get away with it so he will feel it's fine to do it again and again.
And also what the hell are the police thinking of, they should have proceeded despite your protestations, Caroline Flack?
Do nopt assume for one second he won't do this again, he has nothing to lose now and therefore will stop at nothing.
You have put you and your kids in danger trying to be "nice" to him.
I've been there I know. If he so much as looks at you funny again make sure he is prosecuted and make sure you tell him that.
Do you want your kids going to stay with a man who is angry, violent, resentful. If you haven't had him charged that is what will happen.
Mt ex started on my son during visits and he was so frightened he would lock himself in the bathroom and not come out.

So sorry to hear he has not left. Why not? This situation cannot continue.

Can you get legal advice about filing a non-molestation order and an occupation order (or whatever it's called...)?

Just read your latest post. Call the police, he is leading up to the big one. I don't want to hear in the next few days that you have been beaten half to death.

He says he has found somewhere to live but I don’t know anything else other than that. I want him to go and stay at his mum’s until he is ready to move in to his flat, but I’m petrified of telling him.