More vaguely petulant ramblings about my the annoying habits of my mother

[FrannyandZooey]

Do other people's mothers do this?

It's my birthday soon and she rang to ask what I wanted.

Me: I'd like a raincoat.
Mother: Ooh I've got a raincoat you can have!
Me: Well, I'd like a pac a mac one.
Mother: Yes, yes, I've got a pac a mac one and you can have it, it's just sitting here!
Me: Well I would like quite a smart one, that fits me nicely (mother is entirely different size to me), and is in a colour that I choose.
Mother: Oh well this one is VERY smart and when I wore it on our trip EVERYONE said how nice it was, I can send you this one!
Me: I WOULD LIKE ONE THAT I HAVE CHOSEN.
Mother : [crestfallen silence]

I have a terrible urge to ask what she wants for Christmas and then say "oooh, an X? I've got an X! You can have this one, I'll send it to you..."

I get "oh you aren't as strong as I was" when I complain that I am tired (having maniac DD and being 40+2 wks pg)! ARGHHHH!!!!!

They do forget what it is like to be pregnant I have noticed.

Any one else's mother failed to recognised them? Despite still playing a mean game of scrabble, my mother frequently mistakes me for a complete stranger. OK so her sight is v bad, but you'd think she could recognise my voice. Once I hailed her at a supermarket checkout, having agreed 10 mins previously to rendezvous there, and she looked behind her to see who I was talking to. The woman behind her had worked out who I was by my use of the word "Mum", and said

"It's a bit late to disown her now, love!"

i just know when the time is due for a hair cut.. when my mother says, oh I like your hair now its longer

And another thing...MIL only goes shopping on saturday mornings, even though she has nothing else to do all week, because the carpark she uses is used by office workers weekdays, and she doesn't know where else to park. (doesn't use multi-storeys) She's been going to the same town for 40 years.

Mine invited herself on our recent holiday. Every morning she was up bustling about at 7am, which woke me up, at which time she opened all the curtains in the living area. Then at 8.30 when she heard the rest of us (me, DH and DS (15) ) she'd dash into the bathroom for a shower. So nobody else had time for a shower all week.

On the last day we had to be out by 10am and were allowed to park right outside. Mum got up, stripped her bed, did her packing and came out of her room in her nightie just as DH went in the bathroom. She then spent the whole time he was in the shower pacing up and down, looking at her watch and muttering "hurry up X! oh hurry up". It was the first time he'd got in there! DS came out of his room and she told him "don't think you're going in there!"

DH is the only one insured to get the car so we could pack up and DS had a swimming lesson at 9.50 so actually the priority was for the pair of them to be ready first. I was {shock] that she was so selfish.

Evenhope...and after the first or second day you said....??? what?

Actual conversation between me and my mother:

mother: I've got xxx(dp at time) a birthday card!

me: mmm...

mother (giggling): do you like it? (more giggling)

Card was a jokey 'adams family' card. Apt I thought...don't think mother got the irony of it...they are the adams family!

Me (whincing): hmm...

Mother: I'll just write it out.........(gets to signatures)...shall I sign it mumsey?

Me: what?!

Mother: shall I sign it mumsey?

Me: Horrified look on face

Mother: you know I don't mind if he calls me mumsey, I'd like it you know...

Me: No, I'd rather you didn't

Mother: oh go on! Its funny, he won't mind

Me: No.

Mother: go on, he likes a laugh

me: NO!

Que dad sighing and rolling eyes at mother behind back

Mother: what's wrong with being called mumsey?

Me: No, you are NOT putting it in the card, its just WRONG.

Mother: oh you are mean...(que sulky petulant silence)

Can relate to people's hilarious conversations about Mrs Tablecloth etc.

The unwanted items...one year me and my sister in our teens got matching bisto containers...wrapped in felt and tassels put on...with a hole in lid...to contain a roll of string...

Anyone's mother got a trolley in their 30's?

Laugh at their own farts?

talk as if she were the cat/dog talking?

keep a diary on the neighbours activities ie red volvo car arrived at 11.58 am. Two old people get out, one female, grey hair wearing a brown suit....etc all sat in garden, laughing. Overheard X say 'xyz' in conversation. Left at 2.38pm, lots of loud byes, showing off they have a visitor! Would like to string x up by her nipples on her clothes line! (I threatened to post it through neighbours door once...) She kept diary for 2 years...

Also completely addicted to corrie/eastenders etc.

The list goes on...!

my mum does the car boot thing...

fills the house with stuff, kept in plastic bags (to keep them clean you understand).

she told me that she was going to put her will etc in a plastic bag in our old room and i suggested very quickly that she should get a tin box to put them in.

once i found 3 irons all in different plastic bags, while trying to iron my shirt for work. 'which one did you use?' she says accusingly later - i said 'i just picked one - the blue one?', she says 'oh, good because the others don't work properly'.

?

dropdeadfred.. nothing.. Her other really annoying habit is getting upset when asked nicely not to do something.. For example on a previous holiday I'd bought the food. She buys cheap and nasty pasta sauce- I pay a bit more for something that tastes like food. She was cooking and added water to the first jar. "Please don't put water in it" I said, "it'll spoil it". She then put water in the second jar. "oh mum I just asked you not to put water in it". "Stop shouting at me".

When we got home this time I told her we'd have to move our cars off the drive so we didn't have to unpack DH's car. So she follows me into the house (I had the baby) then waits on the drive. She'd left her keys in her bag in the boot of DH's car (WTF?) which he'd taken down the road waiting for us to move the other cars. She ended up stomping down there to him complaining "she's shouting at me". I hadn't raised my voice, just told her again that we needed to move the cars.

It just isn't worth the hassle saying anything to her. She doesn't take any notice but just gets nasty.

oh dear...don't take her next year!!!

My mother once said to me, when I had had my hair cut fashionably short, "You look like a lesbian"

Or when she bought us matching Cropped trousers, "I should have bought me a size smaller and you a size bigger!"

and, going round my house, "Whats this then?" "It's a bread maker, Mum" "What do you want one of those stupid things for?" "To make bread, Mum" "Got enough money to waste haven't you"

Insisting we have the same taste in clothes, WE DON'T!!

But saying that, my kids moan about me and say how much like Nanny I am! {raises gun to head} emoticon

double groan.
she has a job, volunteer in a charity shop. she gets first pickings. oh great!