More vaguely petulant ramblings about my the annoying habits of my mother

[FrannyandZooey]

Do other people's mothers do this?

It's my birthday soon and she rang to ask what I wanted.

Me: I'd like a raincoat.
Mother: Ooh I've got a raincoat you can have!
Me: Well, I'd like a pac a mac one.
Mother: Yes, yes, I've got a pac a mac one and you can have it, it's just sitting here!
Me: Well I would like quite a smart one, that fits me nicely (mother is entirely different size to me), and is in a colour that I choose.
Mother: Oh well this one is VERY smart and when I wore it on our trip EVERYONE said how nice it was, I can send you this one!
Me: I WOULD LIKE ONE THAT I HAVE CHOSEN.
Mother : [crestfallen silence]

I have a terrible urge to ask what she wants for Christmas and then say "oooh, an X? I've got an X! You can have this one, I'll send it to you..."

Help I've Lost My Glasses could be a whole topic

stream of consciousness from mine too.
"Well yesterday I bumped into Mrs Teapot, you know who bought the house next door to the Crumpets - and his bad knee's something shocking. Mind you that terribly nice doctor, funnily enough was at school with uncle Fruitcake, though they were 10 years apart, I should say went to the same school though God knows it's gone to the dogs now. Anyway there's not much the doctor can do, poor Mr C..."
"So, Mum, what did Mrs Teapot say..?

"Now don't rush me, I'll lose the thread..You always do this. Oh and next door have bought the most beautiful labrador puppy...
....several minutes later: "So, do you think I should get it in the red or the blue ?
"Whatever you think best mum"

Yes yes yes this is all familiar!

My mum uses phrases I have never, ever heard anyone else say.

If she's talking about someone she thinks has a posh accent they are "ever so" (pronounced in said posh accent).

She described the new restaurant in the village as "rather a la posh" ("posh" pronounced "poshe" iyswim). Why did she need to attempt French fgs?!

I could go on at length.

Is it really only her that says these things?

My mother rang me this evening to tell me that if I am going to be making jam or chutney soon, she has saved all her coffee jars for me. They are the large ones which would hold half the contents of the preserving pan. I can just see DH's face when we go over there - he will be stopping at the nearest bottle bank on the way home. Last time we went there she gave me an open box of weetabix - "Your Dad used to like it, but I don't, and I couldn't see it go to waste." My father died 9 years ago...

My Mum gave the children packets of crisps that my dad had bought. He had died several years before this. She is the only person I know who could keep crisps long enough to go stale.

I have been laughing at this so much I woke up DS

My mother, like her mother before her, keeps hold of the tv remote control and constantly adjusts the volume - turn it down for shouting turn it up for whispering etc - so there is no sense of suspense or drama at all. Mind you they only ever seem to watch ITV mini dramas possibly staring Martin Clunes so I'm well tucked into a consoling bottle of red and don't care.

I do know people my age who have to refer to Bob the Builder as Robert the Construction Worker in front of their dcs. I will be watching their development closely.

What is it with mums and crap telly? When we first got Sky they were in dispute with ITV over something and we couldn't get it - in all seriousness my mum asked "but what are you going to watch?" Life is obviously unimaginable without Corrie, Emmerdale, Midsomer Murders et al....

Oh, and she rang the OH up on Tuesday while I was out to say my cousin was going to be on that night's University Challenge, so I should watch it. When she found out I wasn't there, she gave the OH a blow-by-blow breakdown of my cousin's life and career (to explain why he was on UC as a mature student) - by the time she'd finished filling him in, the programme was over - but that was okay, because she'd taped it...

ooh this is funny I keep coming back to it I did like the mother in the tiny flat with the boxes of things

my mother moved a couple of years ago from a massive detached house to a very little two-bed terrace; she was going to have 'a big clear out'

on visiting I found the massive 1980s 3-in-1 tv, radio and cassette that my father had bought me for my birthday as a teenager to use with my ZX81 computer (is anyone old enough to know what this is?) was out, playing a cassette. Except she had to turn it off because it was making a droning noise which was louder than the actual music.

Me: Good god have you still got that? Does it work?

Her: The TV doesn't work

Me: What about the radio?

Her: Um, I don't know (little red pointer on dial has come adrift altogether and is lying broken at the bottom of the display)

Me: Why don't you throw it away? None of the 3 functions work, and it is huge.

Her: It has a little condenser microphone on it so it is useful to make tapes with.

Me: When did you last do that?

Her: When you were at college I used to send you tapes instead of letters.

I graduated in 1991

But Cappuccino is it just our mothers who are guilty of hoarding rubbish we may never use again?

god no I am so desperate not to be like my mother I throw things away and then find I needed them

rofle capuchino

"Shall I produce the wheeled item"

is actually MY mother

AND the endless newspaper cuttings.
and her friend's casts offs. aaaaargh.

Love the thread...just had to share this, last wk at work we were talking about the same kind of stuff & my friend told me about how her mum was wondering what to get her sons partner for her birthday. My friend gave a few suggestions but to no avail as her mum produced a rather hideous clock that she thought would make a great present. My firend told her mum that it might not be a good idea & why didn't she get her something else instead. However, mum ended up giving the hideous clock as the present & the sons partner tactfully said that it was a nice idea but wouldn't fit in with her decor. She asked if she could have the receipt so she could change the clock but her MIL couldn't give her a receipt as it was a free gift from her bingo club !!

Well, we could have a whole new thread about how we all try NOT to be our mothers.

I, for example have never had my hair permed.
I don't tidy my dc's rooms. I don't tidy dh's stuff in our bedroom.

My mother always got the blame whenever any one couldn't find anything, when we were young. "Mum - where've you hidden my .....?!"

The worst insult dh can hurl at me is "You sound just like your mother."

I DID have a perm once, but it was 1988....

I did a boot fair with my mum today and she proved she could be as toe-curlingly embarressing as in my youth.

Example: a perfectly ordinary man was debating whether to buy an nice pair of DH's jeans.

My mum sensing that he could possibly be a good customer and tried to sell him a food processor that had a broken (integral) part. Her final line was; "You could always phone Moulieux and get the replacement part . . ."

WTF.

The man just scuttled off (having bought nothing)
He was obviously scared of my deranged mother.

Suffice to say nobody bought it and I made her dump it before we got home.

ooo- and she kept fluffing up my hair and saying: 'it looks soooo much nicer curly. You want to throw away those straighteners.'

"no i don't actually." Through gritted teeth.

My mum
Reads those bloomin'awful aga saga novels and then offers them to me and looks crestfallen when I tell them they're not my cup of tea.
Asks me every time I see her (frequently) if my only unmarried friends are "ever going to get married".
Told me that if I took ds (only 14 months) for a no 1 at the barbers that I shouldn't bother to "bring him round here anymore" - I'm not that keen on a short back and sides on a 14 month old either but if I choose to, well...I'd love to see her try to keep away from him on account of (in her opinion) a dodgy haircut.
When I try to give her any info when passing ds over for her to look after him she doesn't listen and goes "don't worry, he'll be fine"...yes mum, I'm not worrying just giving over pratical information ie what's for lunch, tea etc "........
Punctuates every conversation with "have I already told you about....." or "I have to say that ......." followed by bold statements about "true" stories read in the Daily Mail....

I could go on and on...

This thread has been like therapy for me.

I am not alone in the Land Of Annoying Mothers!

Marthamoo, we have the same mum. We are obviously related. My mother spends 20 minutes telling me in great detail the intricacies of the plots of Corrie/Eastenders/Cash in the Attic/etc etc depite me telling her I would rather eat my own toenail clippings than watch them.

My mother tends to "give" me things, then ask for them back 3 months later.

My MIL isn't much better, they go to a car boot every Sunday, buy loads of tat, take photos of it which they then email to us to show us what we'll be getting next time they come to visit. Oh joy.

When I was pregnant she bought me a leisure suit - a towelling combo of an elasticated neck pink and mint green top with matching tracksuit bottoms (complete with elasticated bits around the ankles). She said she got it a bit bigger as I was pregnant - it was a size 20. I am a size 8. I asked her just how big she thought I was going to get...

Mine's retired and hasn't got much to do. but if I ask her to look after ds for the afternoon (and she really loves doing this), there is always some comment like "We'll have to do our shopping/ironing/ringing up for insurance quotes/some other task they could do ANY OTHER TIME, in the morning then".

She also watches crap t.v., and her life hasn't been the same since 'the weakest link' finished.

Also, she doesn't like me taking time off work unless I'm actually dying or something. I get comments like "and are work alright about you having time off for your operation then"? Me: "YES, cos something has happened since you left work in 1965, called employment rights". Her "Oh, that's alright then". But you can tell it isn't, really.

Oh yes fossil, can't possibly change the routine! We wanted to visit mum & dad yesterday but had to wait until the afternoon as they always go into town on Saturday mornings. They have ALL week - neither of them work.

And yes, the stuff read in certain newspapers too. If one driver caused a crash because he was on drugs, then ALL slightly too fast drivers are definitely without doubt on drugs too....

Great thread!
We told my mother we were relocating, so on her next visit she produced 3 stinking, dusty binbags for me, which included my school blouse from 1987(unwashed), the first copy of Elle (1984?), and some broken Barbie accessories including bedding that had rotted, 'for DD'. Handy.
DD playing with her Polly Pocket today, 'Oh, why don't you put on that dress? I know you don't like it and it's horrible but grannie gave it to you.'
She is sweet but a bit mad. Xmas gift conversation from before we started a family:
Mother: I've found a great present for DH. It's a life-size fluffy Rottweiler.
Me: No, don't get it, please. He hates dogs, can't stand Rotties...
Mother: Oh, for crying out loud let me have my fun!!!!
And she looked for it at every visit - I used to hide it behind the sofa and pretend it was a draught excluder. Chucked it out 3 years later because it scared baby DD...

Fossil, oh mine constantly wants me to take time off work on small pretexts, because what I do is never important enough for anyone to mind, after all

small considerations like not wanting to let people down, being contracted to do the work, needing the money, or, god knows, actually PREFERRING to go to work rather than go and do something with them, not meaning much in my mother's opinion

"I've found a great present for DH. It's a life-size fluffy Rottweiler.
Me: No, don't get it, please. He hates dogs, can't stand Rotties...
Mother: Oh, for crying out loud let me have my fun!!!!"

LOL that is quite a good one. At least she's honest about it.