How would I know if I’m gay?!

[BrandonBliss]

NC, been here years.

Married six years to DH, 1 four year old DC. Always wondered about girls but never went there other than a handful of drunken kisses and flirty texts when drunk in the past. Find myself more and more drawn to women, but I still fancy men sometimes. This whole thing with Phil Schofield has me thinking. Do people who are gay just KNOW? Because I certainly feel confused. Thanks for your help!

well I'm a lesbian and on holiday with a few others at the moment; just checked the porn thing and we all watch men ..we must be doing it wrong

I'm 100% Hetro and I watch lesbian porn.

@BacklashStarts

No no no no!

30 is so young! I'm 44. We love in a society which is lately very tolerant of gay people. Its never too late. It honestly isnt.

I'm a kink woman so I too have had to hide it. Until the point I went, 'Fuck this shit!'

I dont want to hide. My sexuality does not define me. I'm still loving, warm and empathic...for the right people.

Please reconsider it. You're a whipper-snapper and you've got all of your life ahead of you.

Wishing you the best

Oh bloody hell re PP on Porn.

I'm just CONFUSED! I tell you, CONFUSED!

I shall immediately Google massive cocks.

That will set my mind to rights!!!

My son is gay and I have just asked the question you asked to him,here is his answer OP for you....He said I knew I have always known,,,I could not imagine ever sleeping with a woman it repulses me.However I have many female friends and you mum who are beautiful.I look at you and I think you are stunning and thats not because your my mum its cos you are a beautiful woman .there are many beautiful women about I admire,I see them all over the place but if it came to intimancy with them I just couldn;t. ever bear to go there....don;t know if it helps you any but thats what he answered to what you asked!!!!

I just think why put a label on it?? Take each person as an individual who you are sexually attracted to or not 🤷‍♀️

It helps if theres someone you think you might fancy I guess.
I knew because of thinking who do you look at, who do you wish noticed you, who do you get excited texting. who do you make extra effort for and look forward to seeing..

what do you feel when an attractive man says something nice to you (I feel ick) compared to an attractive woman (yay) .. etcetc

I do think to myself I needn’t label it but I also do wonder if there’s something to all these ‘crush’ phases on women that I go through

You don't need to label it if you don't want to but it sounds like bisexuality/bicuriosity. Bisexuality exists on a spectrum - my attraction is 70% women 30% men roughly, it just so happens that DH was the one I fell in love with and decided to settle down with :)

Phrases like heteroflexible and homoflexible are being used more these days to illustrate people's leanings to one side or another while acknowledging that they are still same-sex attracted too.

@75Renarde thank you! I do think that to myself but then I look around at my life and I think how much I’d have to unravel to explore/own that part of myself and how that would effect others. And I see threads on here berating people for putting their own feelings ahead of their kids stability. And the last time I was single was so long ago I wouldn’t even know where to start with meeting people...just makes me feel like I should be grateful for what I have and stop being so discontent and selfish.

If I ever end up single again though...

@BrandonBliss apologies for writing so much about myself on your thread!

I know I'm 100% straight & definitely not asexual but sadly I don't have any kind of love life at present; basically I'm just too shy!
Sigh.

For example when I go to the gym & look at fit women I just think 'oh I wish I looked like her' but when I see fit men I think 'hmm yes please'.

@BacklashStarts no I’m glad you’ve written to me as I’m happy to know of someone who’s feeling the same! I’m 27 if that matters

I just don’t feel fulfilled right now in life but there’s loads going on and this may just be something and nothing.

I'm v het and as sure as I can be, compulsory sexuality is a thing

However it seems quite common for women to realise they're gay in later life

More so than men who seem to say more they always knew

I’m p sure I’m not hetero completely as I do like some guys in some ways but I do go all coy with women I fancy and stuff

I do like some guys in some ways

Do you feel sexually attracted to men at all? Or just attracted to other things about them?

I'm bi/pansexual. I had serious relationships with men but occassional lesbian sex with mostly 'bicurious' friends etc. Until I was 24 I didn't have a problem with it, then I started to feel confused about it for a long time. Last year I had a brief relationship with a woman. I lack confidence with women because I have very little experience compared to that I have with men, but my girlfriend last year didn't mind that I was inexperienced, she just showed me what she liked. The right kind of person won't mind.

IDK why I'm going on about myself, but I thought maybe some of it might resonate with you.

I do go all coy with women I fancy and stuff

I think this is why I told you about my experience. It sounds like a lack of confidence is holding you back, maybe?

Do you think you could chat to your DH? Maybe he'd let you have some freedom to go out and explore (don't let him push you towards a threesome unless you want to -grrr, men, sigh!)

If you don't feel the direct approach with your DH is right for you, perhaps you could see a counsellor to talk through what you feel?

I feel sort of 80:20 more interested in men, and married to a man, but re. the masturbation question, for me it can be both. I think sexually I am more interested in men, but can definitely fall in love with women. Been confused all my life and will probably stay that way .

Can you imagine performing oral sex on a woman? Because honestly the idea repulses me. I think that’s how I know I’m not a lesbian!

@BacklashStarts

No worries. But I'll invite you to consider this.

A LOT of owness is placed upon women to 'do the right thing'. As I e said, I'm not bi but I am kink.

Kink never interfered with my role as mother. Never. But my ex, also kink, attempted to control me. Why? He was a narc and COULD NOT STAND the fact I was functioning, all independent like.

A substantial minority of people wish to control us. At 30, you literally have your whole life ahead of you. Ignore the haters. Do what you please. Tend to your responsibilities and live your life to the fullest.

That is the way to win.

@Yeahnah2020

Keep your opinions to yourself. Women are not repulsive. At all. And I'm straight as a die.

I was in my 30s, when another woman gave me a huge awakening, at the time l was surprised but looking back the signs were there.

I’ve enjoyed both genders since, but my personal choice is to avoid labels. These days, I just regard myself as “sexual” - no prefix!

I think everyone just sits somewhere on a scale. I’m married (to a man, I’m a woman) but have fancied the occasional woman and I think nearly fell in love with another woman (while married so I don’t think I realised what it was until she was asleep in my bed and I realised I wanted to do stuff with her and promptly extricated myself from it becoming an affair and returned it to just a friendship)

I am committed to my DH. If anything were to happen to us though I can’t see myself being in a relationship with a man again. Who knows really? I went through this confusion on my own with aforementioned friend and maybe I should have had therapy but ultimately as I said I’m committed to my husband and our children and I do love and fancy him and have accepted that I am lucky to have that in my life. Who knows what the future hols but unless you don’t love your husband or you want to experiment, as a PP does it ultimately
Matter what the label is unless you are 100% gay?

Previous post refers. For the record, I’m in my 40s.

Correcton (sorry). *My *previous post refers.

Oh Lordy, sorry, when I was talking about mastabation earlier, I didn’t mean what porn you look at, sorry, I wasn’t clear. There are some wild scientific studies demonstrating that women get turned on by all sorts of sexual images, of many configurations of Herero/homosexual matches (there was a study where women got turned on by monkeys having sex), whilst men are much more specific in their tastes, it’s supposed to be an evolutionary thing. Aaaaaanyway, what I meant was the images/thoughts/scenarios that you play for yourself in your head when you’re getting yourself off.