please tell me your experiences of choosing the 'sensible' boy over the 'bad' boy? (lighthearted)

[pamandmick]

hi girls,

had years of going for the charming, exciting 'bad' boys who sell me the dream but all end up hurting me. i have let down many lovely, 'sensible' boys who would treat me like a queen. but they obviously don't seem to have the same appeal?

an odd request i know - but please tell me your experiences of going with a less exciting, lovely boy rather than the short-term excitement of a 'bad' boy?

I had a few years of bad boys , in the end got sick of them and knew what to look out for. The right one will come along , don't sell yourself too short though xxx I'm now married to an amazing sweet kind man who I fancy the pants off xxx

I'm in the same boat as you. Love the excitement of the bad boy, the chase and thrill. My last partner was more sensible and crazy about me, I found myself bored and dis satisfied. I'm still looking for my happy in between!

I had a few bad boys, then a sensible one who I thought I’d settle down with. It ended and then it was another bad boy who I’ve settle down with. In some ways this one is very reliable faithful, doesn’t play games, and in the ways he isn’t great he is responding to training. It’s not been an easy road.

Sheryl Sandberg (Facebook exec):

‘You can date whoever you want, but you should marry the nerds and the good guys,’

Did the dating the bad boys thing in my youth but quickly recognised them all as selfish arses - always doing what they wanted with no thought for anyone else. Most were also 'little princes,' spoiled brats who didn't know one end of a dish mop from another. No thanks.

Married a good guy nerd who is absolutely the best person in my life.

amazing! these are the kind of stories i need to hear! thank you :)

@Defenestratethecat amazing! these are the kind of stories i need to hear! thank you :)

@xxRunnergirlxx this is my issue too! i dated a sensible guy before, and it just doesn't have the same effect. but i just can't be bothered to waste any more of my life with time wasting bad boys. sorry to hear you're in the same situation as me - hope we both find our happy medium!

Dated bad boys, had my heart broke.

Met and married the "sensible" man and I've never been happier, treats me well, the attraction did grow - there was an instant "he's good looking" but the lust came after, which I know isn't always common and it's the strongest love I've ever known. He brings out the best in me (I like to think I bring out the best in him too) and he is so respectful, lovely and I'm glad I chose him to settle down and start a family with.

I know that if we ever did split, he's an amazing dad and I would never have to worry about him being absent.

I never felt this way about any "bad boys".

Plus, I always felt like I was chasing them and I had to work extra hard for their attention. I don't feel like that now, everything is mutual.

I dated bad boys and always ended up with a broken heart and very stressed. I was always walking on eggshells and anxious.
Then I met my soon to be dh. Outwardly he looks like a bad boy, lots of tattoos, wears black, big guy and is a heavy/ death metal drummer. But he is the sweetest most stable man I've ever met. I can be 100% myself around him and he adores me for it. He is a doating father and has supported me through life threatening illness and the loss of 2 of our children. He also takes my support and doesn't shut himself off.
He wasn't someone I would have seen myself with but my stable, happy life is a testament to how much we life love each other

@mammyofasuperbaby so sorry to hear about your losses and illness thank you for sharing - i am so glad you used the word 'stressed' as i love the excitement and the chase but that also comes with a lot of stress! so glad you're happy :)

I settled for a "good" guy. He was not my type physically at all but he was funny and kind and makes me laugh and we are on the same wavelength totally. The sex was amazing, the best I have ever had so I married him! The love and attraction has grown over the years and now he is my soulmate.

I had dated the "bad boys" for years, always the same type. After far too many bottles of red one night myself and a friend made online dating profiles and I woke up the next morning to a message and a massive wineover
He was not my usual type at all physically and I actually remember saying to my friend that I didn't fancy him but I might have made a new friend, his messages were sweet and he made me laugh, we agreed to meet up after a while and it was the best first date I'd ever had. I've never laughed like it and I actually found myself really attracted to him. 5 years later we are married and i am expecting our 2nd DS
I now tell all my single friends to stop focusing on the idea of having a type because you never know who you could end up falling in love with

I was with a ‘bad boy’ for 8 years and he really did a number on me. Hurt me in many many ways and left me with no confidence although he kept me on my toes so it was never boring. Now with my good guy geek for 4 years and he’s amazing! I do get a little bored sometimes but have to give myself a check. I’d take my good guy geek over the bad boy any day!

I married the good guy/safe bet. Turned out to be a right controlling wanker who can't deal with not being the centre of the universe.

Divorced him and am now married to a "bad boy" who has turned out to be the most wonderful person who loves me, looks after me and values me.

Go figure 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Good guys you can build a life with, bad guys steal your life. They just aren’t worth your time. Go for somebody who is present.

I married the safe guy. He's not very attentive and there is no passion. It's been dissatisfying in many ways, but I know he is loyal and committed. And being secure and stable through the ups and downs of life is a big deal.

Sometimes I think we mistake excitement/ butterflies for nerves. A love that will last should feel steady and secure, imo. You shouldn’t feel on the edge of your seat with it.

Fell for a mad boy purely out of lust and because he made me laugh. Broke up with a nice guy to be with him. Assumed it would last a couple of years only, but to hell with it.

Thirty years on and my bad boy is genuinely the best man I know.

Happy that my daughters seem to be sensible and picky though.

Bad boy not mad boy.

You're doing this because your self-worth is low. I eventually married the sensible, safe guy. I was utterly blessed. We had 15 amazing years before he died.

I married the bad boy. Biggest mistake of my life. Next relationship I have (if I ever do) I’ll be looking for Mr sensible. Steady job (bonus points for something super sensible like an accountant) file your taxes on time, pay your bills, treat everyone with kindness and consideration, no alcohol no drugs...these are the things that get me hot now

I chose the good one over a bad one. The bad one was so sexy - never met anyone like him. But he wanted my attention 24/7. The love affair was so full on I never had focus for much else. I felt such relief when I met someone who never rang me at work, who gave me the space to think my own thoughts, do my own thing, didn't need to be constantly on the prowl for the next adventure. For raising children, I really badly wanted someone whose ego wouldn't be put out of joint if I put the children first. Yes it is a bit dull at times, but I know the bad boy ended up in marriage that was constant fireworks and their children suffered from the drama of it all. I'd have hated that.

I chased the bad boys. Then the good boys chased me, a then bad girl. It was exhilarating, but all so very physical. No mental stimulation whatsover.

I grew up. Exchanged bad for independent thinking and have been married to him for 30 years!

We suppported each other through university in our 30s, in and out of jobs and into professions, and then me into self emplyoyment. All every enjoyable and much more satisfying than I could have oimagine with any of those bad boys - one of whom I have a little contact with. His life is a shambles. Looks like great fun, but is really not what I would want for myself

i think i was the sensible choice for DW - she had dated lots of very artistic self-involved types previously, whereas i was not particularly artistic, and much more emotionally stable.

this was a big adjustment for her to begin with, and she struggled with what she saw as my passivity.

she was so used to big dramatic arguments, that me being more logical and dispassionate when dealing with problems was often mistaken for detachment or apathy.

20+ years later, and i think (hope) that she feels like she's made the right choice!

interestingly DD1 is going through the same dynamic with boys at teh moment!
(though i think she's more like me in reality)

@DiscontinuedModelHusband - it' possible you are my husband. but if not - you are absolutely right. Took me ages to realise that not having emotions running riot all the time isn't the same as not giving a damn. And it is so lovely to live in a household where people don't shout at each other.