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Original poster

Am i being a selfish mum?

90 replies

becky1993 · 05/02/2020 17:04

i need some advice, basically i have 2 children, 1 who is 5 years old from a previous relationship, and a 3 week old from my current relationship, now my current partner wants me to move closer to him which is a 20 min drive away from where i am now and plus i work near where he is lives, but my dad keeps saying if i move and take my son out of the school he is now that im being selfish and will mess his head up, all i want is for my little family to live nearer each other as me and my partner cant physically live together as he has a dog and my 5 year doesnt like dogs, we have tried gradually introducing him to the dog but unfortunately it has been unsuccuessful. my heart is telling me to move but am i being selfish?

OP posts:
category12 · 05/02/2020 19:43

20 minutes is nothing. I can't see enough benefit in moving - costs and disruption to gain not a lot. Why doesn't he move closer to you?

Grobagsforever · 05/02/2020 19:48

Oh my good god. Is there no end to the shit women will accept?? You are allowing him to get away with no re-homing a dog?? And you had his baby? Are you unhinges??

He will never put his daughter or you first. He's a shit father and shit Boyfriend. Don't you dare move for this waste of oxygen.

mrsgrimbots · 05/02/2020 19:52

Surely he should be getting rid of the dog? I can't believe you would move your son out of his usual environment for a man who won't even get rid of a pet if it meant he could live with his family

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 05/02/2020 19:54

Could the dog not live with his parents and he goes and walks it twice a day? It would absolutely break my heart to have to give up my pet, but absolutely nothing would keep me from my baby.

converseandjeans · 05/02/2020 20:20

My bet is it's something like an American Bulldog or something big and strong. May well be wrong!

TokenGinger · 05/02/2020 21:22

It's not selfish, but I wouldn't be moving my son schools for the sake of saving my partner a 20 minute drive. It's hardly a 2 hour commute to you. He should either move or just stay as you are. Your son has had enough change.

conduitoffortune · 05/02/2020 21:33

What have I just read!? Yes, you would be a selfish parent if you prioritised what your new partner wants (which does not benefit either of your children in any way), above your children's needs. Your 'D'P can move closer to you if he's so concerned about being an active participant in the children's lives! And rehome his dog too!

isadoradancing123 · 05/02/2020 21:40

He will get used to the dog eventually if you persevere gently

Doggybiccys · 05/02/2020 22:15

I’m shocked everyone seems to have missed this post from OP....

“Yes but my 5 year old dad never makes the effort with, he literally ca,e to my house the other night and stayed for 2 minutes and then went, i have given him chance after chance. but i mean i would arrange something so he could still see his dad and grandparents on that side”.

This shows how he really feels and it’s all on his terms. I think the dog is an excuse. He wants you closer for easier shags but can’t be arsed with the rest of family life. Perhaps your dad sees this and hence doesn’t want you to move. I think your dad may be right.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 05/02/2020 22:18

No-one missed that post doggy. We just didn’t misinterpret it as you have. The 5 year olds dad isn’t the 3 week olds dad.

Doggybiccys · 05/02/2020 22:22

Blush sincere apologies doh!

Doggybiccys · 05/02/2020 22:23

Although I still would be hesitant about moving when it’s not to live together and only 20 mins

Lozzerbmc · 05/02/2020 22:27

I think moving house and moving your son’s school for sake of 20 minutes is a bit daft sorry. And a man who’d rather live with his dog than his partner and baby clearly isnt very committed?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/02/2020 05:54

FWIW I wouldn't give up my dog for anyone.

But they've had at least 10 months together so definitely could've taken that time to get the dog and child used to each other.

It's the 5 year old I feel sorry for. Uprooting their life for the sake of 20 minutes Hmm

MarieG10 · 06/02/2020 06:09

@lou
*
So he’s basically putting his dog before his own child. Wake up OP*

I agree Lou. I am staggered to be reading this. The dad can't live with his partner and child due to his dog. He should hang his head in shame but what you should do OP is wake up and smell the coffee.

Grobagsforever · 06/02/2020 06:58

@GiveHerHellFromUs don't be crazy. If someone gave you a choice of living with you dog or your actual BABY you'd pick the baby. It's biology.

Unless you're a selfish sociopath like OP'S boyfriend.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/02/2020 07:15

@Grobagsforever I'd use the 9 months before the baby was born to ensure we all had suitable living arrangements. That doesn't have to mean giving up a much loved family pet. There are plenty of ways to work around it.

crestar · 06/02/2020 07:50

I really wouldn't bother with the upheaval of your son changing schools for a matter of 20 mins.

Grobagsforever · 06/02/2020 07:50

Exactly @GiveHerHellFromUs. You'd make a plan. And if that plan failed you'd pick the baby. But most motivated adults wouldn't let it get to that point, unlike OP's boyfriend who literally doesn't want to live with his baby, one assumes because he's lazy and selfish.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/02/2020 07:53

Oh I completely agree @Grobagsforever. Scary that two adults go through a whole pregnancy and don't consider these things until the baby is born.

He's incredibly selfish and I can't believe he's expecting OP to move herself, a young child (away from school and his dad, albeit a crap dad) and a newborn for the sake of 20 minutes and is expecting his life not to have to change at all.

WeHaveSnowdrops · 06/02/2020 08:01

I wouldn't uproot my happy child to move closer to a man who doesn't prioritise his family by rehoming a dog.

Do you really think this man cares about you at all?

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 08:03

This is a bit odd. He can't live with his own kid because of his dog, and he wants you to move closer to him even though he knows it means your child will have to move school. You won't even be living together and it's only twenty mins anyway?

Why isn't he moving closer to you?

ofay · 06/02/2020 08:07

I'm wondering if he's a farmer with a sheepdog, or a police dog handler, or it's a guide dog?

More info OP.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 08:09

I also wouldn't rehome the dog without some extensive effort here. But ultimately my child would come first.

What have you both tried with the dog and your child op? What breed is it? Is the child's fear justified? Is the dog a risk to kids? If not and it's a lab or something, what have you done to get the child over his or her fear?

justpulledinalldirections · 06/02/2020 08:11

If he loved you the dog would be gone ffs, No don't move for his convenience