How do you escape form your own mind?? It keeps following me around with its bloody baggage!!!

[Movingon83]

Sometimes do you ever just think f*k all this s*t? I feel like a crescendo of crap is happening to me and either I just drop the baggage or I’m going to explode!

Yes I left an angry controlling husband a year ago and divorcing him is like his final curtain call but I feel like my enemy now is my mind not him! Thousands and thousands of thoughts bombard me daily and they are unwelcome. Often 2 opposing views, I’m doing the right thing......I’m not doing the right thing....or just guilt. Guilt is there festering away in the background all the time. What is happening to me? I’m seeking help but how do you just stop all these thoughts, or is this normal?

For gods sake can I divorce myself also???

I get what you are saying but I can’t look at it objectively. There are deep seated reasons why I keep feeling like this. I could say to a friend what I say to myself already but these stupid connections in my brain just keep activating without me doing anything. I’m sick of them, of my own weakness.

You can train yourself to change your thinking OP - it is not that hard either. Try listening to podcasts by Brooke Castillo, she is an American Life Coach with a bit of an annoying voice but she is spot on with her work on changing negative thinking. There are hundreds of her podcasts here, start with number 1. I bet she can help you to stop torturing yourself with your thoughts: thelifecoachschool.com/podcasts/

I want to make decisions for factual reasons and be happy with them because they are factually right. Instead all this emotional bull gets into my mind and changes my decision or tries to. Then occupies my daytime and my sleep poking on my brain.

That’s quite scary about the fact we trying to protect our children and it not really helping. This is so hard. I need some more armour!

My H has spent 12 years working me, he knows me. He knows I’m weak. I want to be strong!

Is it anxiety, do you think?

So due to stress, the amygdala switches on the fight or flight response and you just can’t turn it off. So everything is high intensity and makes you feel wired, it’s a catch 22.
I had that and switched it off with a bit of sertraline :)

I’ve tried several anti depressants and I don’t like them. I can’t sleep. The doc said I’m sensitive to medication.

I’m not a therapist, so I can really only say what has helped me, which is stepping through my thoughts logically, I did that by writing them down, reading it back, and trying to objectively weigh them up. I know it’s not easy but it’s worth a go.

Have you tried mirtazapine? It is the only anti depressant that has ever helped me, paired with venlafaxine. It has a sedative effect but doesn’t leave you with a hang over.

I have a box of that here somewhere. There was some reason I didn’t like it. I probably make myself not like them. I don’t like the period at the beginning. Probably worth me going back to gp and trying again.

Russ Harris Happiness trap book or any other Acceptance and commitment therapy stuff

Definitely worth trying, honestly I had tried every single anti-depressant on the market, and the mix of those two really helped stabilise me. Obviously they can’t fix your life, only changing your reality can do that, but they can help you get over that feeling of dread when you open your eyes in the morning, and that’s a good start.

Another thing I stopped doing was telling myself ‘I can’t’, and started telling myself I can and I will, and if I can’t do it now, I will find a way so that I can.

You can do this, you’ll find your way.

Oh I remember I read on the internet about that anti depressant and weight gain and freaked out!!!!

ACT focuses on what's important in line with your values, stops you analysing, overthinking etc

Therapy is working for me

It’s made me so different and I’m still working hard but transformed my thinking. Find a good therapist who gets you (not CBT for me). I justify the expense as it’s made me a much better parent which is important as I’m on my own and their dad is a dick.

Yeah weight gain is horrid but ya know I can get out of bed in the morning!

You’ve got a pretty good list of things to try now, go for it, pick a couple that suit and see if they help, if they don’t, try something else, mix and match, be proactive, show your mind that you are the boss and you’re taking back control!

I think really therapy is ultimately what you need after all you’ve been through but it can take an age to come through so you have to help yourself until it does.

You sound like you are hoping for a clear and rational mind when you are dealing with a messy and emotional subject, where you are unlikely to find defined clear and concise decisions that you won't endlessly question. I'm not trying to be confrontational, but why wouldn't you question whether you are right to stop your child from seeing his Dad, that is a huge decision to make and your fear over whether or not this is the right choice for your child sounds incredibly healthy and normal. Go easy on yourself, it's early days and you are still making huge decisions and it will take time for the dust to settle.

Yes I agree it’s totally right to question my actions if it’s the right decision based on the real facts and on the child’s best interest. I find that I question it because his voice pops into my head telling me I can’t make decisions I’m useless. Eg he smokes weed. Obviously a good reason to be concerned. But then I hear you drove me to smoke, it’s your fault, you didn’t clean this do this so I smoke. It clouds my thoughts.

Hi @Movingon83, I am sorry you are going through this but can totally relate to it as my mind was like yours when I finally got the courage to leave my emotionally abusive marriage. Twenty odd years of passive aggression, manipulation and gaslighting left me as confused as someone who had just walked away from an explosion. I couldn't get my thoughts straight, constantly changing my mind, second guessing myself. At the time I also had no idea that I had been emotionally abused as I was suffering with Stockholm syndrome and felt dreadfully guilty even thinking critical thoughts of my ex husband. I couldn't see the wood for the trees and drove myself insane with my whirring thoughts.

But I have recovered and thrived by entering into long term therapy. It wasn't pretty and I cried a river getting out all the experiences from my toxic marriage and my equally toxic childhood. You sound like you are suffering from anxiety with these racing thoughts of yours. Having someone listen to you in a safe environment is both cathartic and soothing.

I took up yoga. Best method ever of controlling your breathing and by association your anxiety and thoughts.

I took up meditation using an App. Made a habit of ten minutes every lunchtime.

Walked my dogs in the countryside, all weather's. Again nature and fresh air gets the feel good hormones going. Exercise another good one.

I did jigsaw puzzles, colouring books, quilting - anything that focuses the mind on what you are doing rather than thinking.

I took up some interests I hadn't tried before - creative writing, journaling, drawing etc.

I kept away from people who were not helpful to my recovery including mutual 'friends' that were manipulated against me by my ex. Drew a safe circle around myself and withdrew from the chatter.

It has been a long process but I have got there. I hope that I can give you some tips with my experience. I forced myself sometimes to do things even if inside I felt like dying. It's not easy but with a bit of support you will get better. Good luck Op.

And trying to stop thoughts entering your head is impossible. That's the premise of meditation, to sit and let thoughts wander in and out of your head but to train yourself to become detached from them emotionally so they don't affect you.

I too think counselling would be helpful.

Read Chapter 7 of Susan Jeffers' Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It's called how to make a no-lose decision. She writes about how we are trained to think of decisions as right versus wrong and so are terrifed of making a mistake. After we make decisions in this mode, we torture ourselves afterwards about whether it was the 'right' one and we reassess over and over again.

Instead we should think differently: that either decision leads to opportunities, if different ones. Which ever way you go, it's an adventure. Even if you're not happy with the chosen path, it's not a disaster, just make a new course correction.

I like the approach of not trying to fight the thoughts but observe them, listen to what they have to say and then tell them "thanks anyway, but I think I'm going to do this instead" x

I strongly suspect you have PTSD from your abusive relationship. I also strongly suspect there has been more than one abusive relationship.

My advice is go to the Drs and get a psychiatric referral. Saying you suspect PTSD.

I'm so sorry. PP said 'treacle'? Yes. Absolutly yes. You are mired in FOG.

I'm so sorry

Not read full thread but I have longterm trauma issues and recent ptsd. I’m currently having EMDR therapy and had it a few years ago. I’d say it’s life changing. You can have it on Nhs if you meet their criteria otherwise you can access it privately.
If you are of have ever been a civil servant you can apply for therapy funding through a civil service benevolent fund.

@Iwouldrathernot I have not heard of ACT...anymore info? Yes I could google but... late (lazy)

I had thought about ptsd. Especially when I feel this surge of anxiety if I see some who I think is him waiting at the school gates or wherever. It’s stops me in my tracks.