Absolutely no luck with internet dating. Is it really worth it?

[Heidi3333]

Just wondering if I'm doing something wrong?

I'm on a few internet dating sites and have been on and off for years. However, in all this time I've been on only 1 date! I didn't fancy him but we have became friends.

I either attract pen pals or men who are clearly just after sex - I have lost count of the number of dick pics I've been sent! It drives me mad!

I'm 44, a single parent of a 3 year old and live in a rural location.

I'm really ready to jack it all in but wonder if ive just been unlucky as I know a few friends who have met and married their partner this way.

Any tips or advice please?

Well it can work I'm living proof.

Firstly look at your profiles, are you putting information on there that's off putting, secondly make sure your photos are truthful but flattering. Thirdly, it's a numbers game, you need to message a lot of guys to make a connection and fourthly, are you using the right sites for your age/situation/location?

It took me 4 months from registering (and paying) to meeting dp, I dabbled with tinder too but whilst I got loads of offers of dates (more than I could actually do) they weren't right for me. I'm currently planning my move in with dp, it really can be a fairytale

Thanks okidokieme it's good to hear a success story! Can I ask what site you met your OH off? I'm on Badoo, pof and tinder but I really think I need to try something new.

I too am living proof.

I really think you need to go on the sites you have to pay to use. It shows you're serious about meeting someone and they're serious too because they've paid.

I met DH on match.com - I always tell him he owes me £60 as he was the 2nd bloke to message me and so I wasted 5.5 months worth of subscription!

Good luck, OP. It's tough.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs...
Six years on, I too am proof it works! It is a numbers game and can be disheartening- I have a horror story or two.

You need to set yourself some red lines, don’t be temped to cross them and watch for the red flags. Be clinical and dispassionate to start with and don’t get invested too soon. Above all, learn that it really is not you, it’s them

I'm in a similar position to you, 41 and a 2.5 DS

I've just deleted the app after a few dates that I just couldn't be arsed with. I just don't want to give it my time.

But I know of lots of success stories so it can happen 🥰

I met my DP online and reckoned there was one decent guy in every 10... it can happen - but as says above you need to kiss a lot of frogs...

Make pov here

After coming out of a very long relationship and two children later, I finally decided I was ready to look towards something new.
I'd never used internet dating as it wasn't a thing before my marriage. I used Tinder, Bumble, match, hinge and Badoo.

Badoo - I couldn't get on with.
Tinder - it wasn't the sex crazed site some would lead you to think. I found a few nice women to chat with there, but didn't properly hit it off.
Match - was decent if you pay for the services.
Bumble - could be good to try as the woman has to be the one to message first so it does often get rid of a lot if the dickheads.
Hinge - had never heard of it before googling dating sites. I met someone amazing on there and we've been seeing each other for nearly 3 months and talk everyday. Maybe try it out.

In terms of profiles. I couldn't stand it when women didn't write anything or just had one photo. Also, try not to be misleading with your pics. There's nothing wrong with whatever size you may be, but I just don't get trying to pretend you look one way when you then have to meet the guy eventually. I also hated freaking Snapchat filters. I'd say about 1/4 of women at least had filters on all their pics.
Write something genuine. If you're a sarcastic fool then show that. If you love something that you think wouldn't attract men you should still put it because at least you may attract somebody who shares the same interest.

I found the whole online thing pretty cold and callous to begin with. Hated swiping on people and knowing they were judging me too. However, it got better and I enjoyed trying to get my personality across in the bio (hinge has no bio, but you answer 3 questions and can then reply to what others have answered on their profiles).

Bless @booker82, OP wasn't asking for 'man' advice.

Thanks booker82 for the information. Never heard of hinge but will give it a go 🙂

Bless @booker82, OP wasn't asking for 'man' advice.

Think its pretty good advice, regardless of the poster being a 'man'.

Sorry if I stepped on any toes. Just thought I'd share experiences as I wasn't particularly enamored with OLD either. I've heard of so many success stories though so fingers crossed for the OP.

I'm proof too... Tinder date turned husband 🥰 my advice is treat it as a way on just being sociable without prospecting on where it might lead and enjoy it!!

Another success story here! I have been with my partner for over 5 years and we met OLD. Lots of dodgy dates, was literally about to give up and up popped this gorgeous face! I was still very sceptical but it all turned out lovely!

Met my DP on Pof 6 years ago, now have a DC and house together and very happy.

You do have to kiss a load of frogs though and we messaged for about 2 weeks before a date, to make sure he had good chat. Be wary of anyone who wants to meet straight away. Don't be afraid to message people first either. Good luck!

@Booker82 None of your post is relevant to you being male, so why bother stating it. It just totally comes across as

Behold! A MAN has appeared to share with us his vision! Let's all be quiet so we can hear his mighty words

Your post was really helpful for aspiring daters so why ruin it by metaphorically waving your genitalia around?

I don't even want to give my advice now as @Booker82 as a man has outdone everyone.

I was proof that it worked. Until it didnt

You need a very thick skin. And be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs.

Another success story here. I met my partner on Guardian Soulmates and come August we’ll have been together 4 years.
As the previous poster said, it’s important to develop a thick skin when traversing the dating sites and remember not to get overly invested too soon (something I struggled with a lot). If I ever were to find myself OLD’ing again I’d definitely keep it fun and light. Treat it as just another way to meet new people, not necessarily a new partner as I feel the whole “could you be my new boyfriend” angle puts so much stress and pressure on a situation.
I would also mention joining Meetup groups that you find interesting and that give you the opportunity to meet new people in a relaxed group setting. A friend of mine met her long term partner at one of these. You do mention that you live rurally but there might still be a group in your area

Offs it's totally legitimate to say that a post is from a male perspective as he commented on what he found useful on female profiles.

OP found the post helpful so why are some people so bloody touchy?

I met my partner on Badoo.

I think some people totally over invest in online dating. I kept it in the background, lived my life and checked in occasionally.

I was on it for about 18 months, following a breakup, before I met my lovely man. Met up with only a handful in that time as I was deliberately picky.

Anyway, so far, so good. Oh, Id been on match.com but only switched to Badoo a week before I met my partner when I heard about it from a friend. Perhaps switch sites? I was only ever on one at a time though.

I met my DH in pof 7 years ago but if I was to do it again now (obviously I am not)I would use a site you pay for

As someone doing OLD I find It useful to get the male perspective - especially seeing that they are my target market, so although this isn’t my thread, thanks to the men who have posted as they were obviously trying to help - really quite relevant too.

I’d have to say I’m not fond either of anyone who only has 1 pic, wears sunglasses in all pics, has no bio and generally puts the minimum of effort in. Coming across as confident and sincere are big on my list, as are a sense of humour and positive outlook. I think this is important for both sides.

I haven’t found anyone special yet either OP, though had quite a few lovely dates. I’ve also found that we can all be at different stages of what we are looking for. A few men in my age group have wanted to move things on way too quickly for me, then with others it just hadn’t lead anywhere, then there’s the guys just wanting a ONS. It’s a minefield, but there are success stories, it’s just a case of finding the right man at the right time, being patient and persevering, but also taking a step away if it gets too frustrating.

Good luck OP 😀

I've been on dating sites on and off since 2012. Paid and free.

Had a handful of dates and a few dating experiences.

1. Together 18 months. Cheated and left me for someone else he met on the dating site at the same time as me. She was allegedly just a friend.

1. Involved for a year. Didn't know I was one of many women he had picked up on the site and was using us all until he found who he really wanted.

1. Few dates and sex and then vanished

Currently "involved" with a guy who started as a pen pal, been on a few dates and keeps me at arms length. Don't know if we're together anymore as he has alot of problems, depression etc..

Although he claims to really like me.

No it isn't worth it.

It is LUCK. All of it. To begin with for every poster who says "the paid sites are better" there is a poster who says "the free sites were better". Neither is wrong, it is what they have experienced themselves.

There are people who used OLD and married the first person they dated. There are people who've dated dozens and dozens that have never gone beyond a first date.

I do think it is fair to say that if you are rural it will be more difficult as there will be fewer people in your immediate location than if you were in a large town or city. You may need to cast your net very wide to get a decent number of options.

However, as someone who tried OLD - paid and free - for some time, I would never go back to it even though I am single now for almost 10 years unless I lived in aforementioned large town or city. Living somewhere semi-rural the numbers aren't great.

I don't believe the stats that most people now find their partner through OLD. I know dozens and dozens of people, colleagues and friends, who have done OLD over the years. Of all those, only TWO have found a long term relationship from it and one of those was in trouble within two years. No one else got anything beyond a couple of dates or seeing someone for maybe three months.

I also think it IS useful for a man to share his experiences about what he liked and didn't like in female profiles on OLD. Total relevant and why some posters have to assume stupid intent all the time is beyond me.

Beyond bored with 'behold! A man has spoken' posts.

He gave advice from a male perspective, I thought it was helpful.