Absolutely no luck with internet dating. Is it really worth it?

[Heidi3333]

Just wondering if I'm doing something wrong?

I'm on a few internet dating sites and have been on and off for years. However, in all this time I've been on only 1 date! I didn't fancy him but we have became friends.

I either attract pen pals or men who are clearly just after sex - I have lost count of the number of dick pics I've been sent! It drives me mad!

I'm 44, a single parent of a 3 year old and live in a rural location.

I'm really ready to jack it all in but wonder if ive just been unlucky as I know a few friends who have met and married their partner this way.

Any tips or advice please?

I met my current bf on POF and I found I had the most success on there. I think the reason for that is that you can search and view a wider variety of people instead of being limited to distance and age ranges. Men who may normally put in a young age group on Tinder can also see the profiles of older women and actually change their mind (if that makes sense).
My advice is:

• weed out the possible sex pests early and block them. you should be able to guage this by the types of initial messages they send
• don't chat for too long, suggest a date sooner rather than later
• expect each man to disappear (many will) so this avoids disappointment
• take everything with a pinch of salt until you have facts
• delete the apps and take breaks every so often if you start getting sick.

@Booker82

Ignore the nasty comments. Your post was informative and helpful to the thread. The nasty comments, not so much.....

I met my DP (7th year together now) on POF.

She messaged me first, which was a nice change. I’d got a bit fed up from weeks of having put a lot of effort into a first message, only to have nothing back - not even a “thanks but no thanks.”

IMO, please don’t worry about messaging first. The few blokes “old fashioned” (aka misogynistic) enough to care will be people you probably want to avoid anyway.

It does work, I am someone who is living proof!

I met my DP on POF, and we are just about the fly to New York for Valentines day 🤗 I never had any luck on Tinder or match. I became quite bored with the whole thing and just ended to blocking the sex pests. It is what you make of it, If you are looking for a serious relationship, then be honest and pursue that goal, don’t waste time on men who want FWB! There is plenty of decent men out there..

What PP said. In answer to OP's question, no IMO is absolutely not worth it. Did OLD for about 2 weeks, it made me hate myself and the rest of humanity. So many people lie and cheat, you wouldn't believe it. And those that don't lie, you wouldn't touch with a bargepole.
Randomly met someone in RL who's very sweet and genuine but not sure how it's going to go and I know I'll never actively look for a relationship again if it doesn't work out. Lesson finally learned at 46, just wish I'd learned it 20 years ago.

Pp is it really, i meant.

I've been on and off OLD for over 10 years - working full time and a sole parent, it was the most practical option. I hadn't had a date for 12 years since DD's birth when I started, and had one longish relationship (disaster). Then a FWB and since then have been engaged twice.

I've concluded that the problem is me and that I don't know what I want, or what I want doesn't exist, or I'm too attached to DD and don't want anyone else disrupting our life. I've met some lovely people, many of whom I'm still in contact with.

Some people have the same photographs and profile that they hD 10 years ago so I assume have an aged portrait in the attic.

I used Match, POF, Guardian Soulmates, Tinder (briefly) and Happn (even more briefly - that made me feel there was someone watching me through the window). I liked POF best and had most success.

So, can we sum it up that people who've had good experiences on OLD think it's worth it, and people who've had only bad experiences think it isn't worth it?

@ravenmum
Yes!! You’ve hit the nail on the head there

Ravenmum - that's a good conclusion!
After ignoring sex pest after sex pest the last few days I'm close to calling it quits with internet dating. I assume d!ckpics and filthy talk must work with plenty of women otherwise the men wouldn't keep trying it! It just turns me right off 🤢

It worked for me. I spent 3 months having lots of first dates, decided I had had enough and to do one last date - and he is now DH. However, I would only continue doing OLD if you are enjoying it rather than finding it a bit of a drag..

I’ve literally never had a dick pic
Am I doing something wrong?

I haven't used Tinder or POF (just used some local German ones) so I don't know if it's the app, the men or my age, but I've never received a single dick pic (or anything else filthy as I can remember). A couple of very bitter men demonstrating why women were avoiding them, but otherwise just pretty laid back chitchat.

I doubt dick pics work with anyone, more likely to be a few idiots with too much time on/in their hands.

I’ve literally never had a dick pic
Am I doing something wrong?

Me neither, but then perhaps I’ve only used the apps that screen them out and ban those who send them? I do get a few messages requesting we go straight to messaging outside the app which I ignore though.

My main issue with OLD (other than there’s very few I fancy in there) is all the first messages from guys that just say ‘hi, fancy a chat” or suchlike, and put minimal effort into profiles. To me, that says they wouldn’t put much effort into a relationship. Am I wrong?

Apparently a 13% success rate for long term relationships. Depends how much energy you have with that chance of return!

What's the success rate for meeting a bloke down the pub?

I think the bottom line here is, if you are not enjoying it or getting anything out of it then stop or take a break.

I did meet a guy who is now my XP OLD. We were 'together' (dating, not living together) for 8 years. I don't know if this counts as a success or not! He's a nice guy, but OLD makes it possible to 'mask' a lot of problems (they can use spellcheck and grammar check, for example so you think you are chatting to someone more educated than they are), carefully chosen photographs, getting someone else to write their bio (or even their messages).

Don't rely on messaging to 'get to know' someone. You can only really know them, and/or fall in love with them In Real Life. Anything else is just an illusion. So if you start out OLD, make sure that you don't accept any excuses for not meeting, get things on a Real Life footing as soon as possible and don't fall for flattery and carefully worded messaging for months and months.