Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Absolutely no luck with internet dating. Is it really worth it?

68 replies

Heidi3333 · 03/02/2020 18:18

Just wondering if I'm doing something wrong?

I'm on a few internet dating sites and have been on and off for years. However, in all this time I've been on only 1 date! I didn't fancy him but we have became friends.

I either attract pen pals or men who are clearly just after sex - I have lost count of the number of dick pics I've been sent! It drives me mad!

I'm 44, a single parent of a 3 year old and live in a rural location.

I'm really ready to jack it all in but wonder if ive just been unlucky as I know a few friends who have met and married their partner this way.

Any tips or advice please?

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 04/02/2020 08:08

I tried POF match elite singles, classic FM, some over 50s site then Tinder. Paid on tinder but guy swiped me and I looked at his profile for a couple of days. Sat started messenging, Monday met and hit it off straight away. Still together 17 months in.

MunaZaldrizoti · 04/02/2020 08:09

It all depends on the person. I used Tinder, I set up a profile that it clear who I was and what I was interested in and added a few nice pictures. It'll be 2 years in April dating the guy I met on tinder, who is brilliant and hot and sweet!

I find being straight forward to be the easiest way to go about things. I make sure we have enough in common before setting up any dates, that way even if the chemistry isn't there we can still have a good time. But, I like dating, I think it's fun, though I suffer from depression which can sometimes be a drag on my dating life.

MunaZaldrizoti · 04/02/2020 08:10

*made it clear

CaramelCrunch · 04/02/2020 08:26

I met DH on match 10 years ago, and many of my close friends met their partners online too. It's just a numbers game though- OLD allowed me to meet far more people than I would have through work etc at that time. The more people you meet, the better the chance to meet someone who is compatible with you. I was on there about a year and probably went on about 15-20 dates.

Personally I always found it useful to move things on to the "drinks" stage as soon as I could, because it was much easier to assess how well we got on in person than through messages, but I appreciate that is more difficult when you have children.

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 04/02/2020 20:04

Thanks for the replies. I am more than happy to hear from a man as they provide useful information to help us ladies!
I agree it's probably a numbers game and largely due to luck, which I rarely have with men! I will try a few different sites and see if things get a bit better.

It's nice to hear the success stories though!

OP posts:
suziesue45 · 04/02/2020 20:15

I'm surprised so many of you are having a go because a guy commented, it's nice to have advice from a guy about dating sites especially as the OP wants to know if shes doing anything wrong, very valid points.

Lefkosia · 04/02/2020 20:22

I met my now fiance on tinder but I also met and had a few awful relationships with horrible men. It's a minefield

Eesha · 04/02/2020 22:19

I know of success stories via the net too though can empathise with you as I'm finding it a bit hopeless with maybe 8 dates in 18 months! I did find a great FWB though. I think if you are feeling jaded, take a break. OLD has become such a big thing that you should still see it as an option. Also join the dating thread on mumsnet. I felt I was second guessing myself a bit with OLD when actually I am a pretty decent catch so I take it with a pinch of salt these days!

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 04/02/2020 23:43

What’s the problem with having a man’s opinion? Especially when you are trying to find a nice man?

Very sensible advice Booker82.

Op, living proof here as well. I didn’t kiss many frogs but met a lot of people, over coffee. Most of the men I met were lovely but we didn’t have enough in common or were attracted to each other enough and eventually I found the right person for me.

You can make it a good experience as long as you take it easy, make yourself approachable and have good conversation skills.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/02/2020 05:24

What’s the problem with having a man’s opinion?

Nothing. As I said in my reply.

Zimzamzom · 05/02/2020 06:26

"Your post was really helpful for aspiring daters so why ruin it by metaphorically waving your genitalia around?"

Gotta love that balanced viewpoint!
Someone get out of bed the wrong side?

DDIJ · 05/02/2020 06:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Eesha · 05/02/2020 07:20

@DDIJ OLD isn't for everyone I agree. I don't think it's as cut and dried as not being attractive enough. Are you picky? Do you have stuff that might be limiting (i have toddlers which seems so put people off). My close friend has lots of luck but looks very sexy and only attracts younger, bad news men on there. My other friends have lots going on for them, more natural looking and attractive in real life but don't meet anyone suitable on OLD. I'm fairly decent in real life, get men chatting me up, but have only had 8 dates via OLD. This is what i mean, we end up second guessing ourselves just because we don't have much luck

Onemansoapopera · 05/02/2020 12:50

Soo many absolute spanners on MN laying in to a bloke giving an opinion. Embarrassed for you.

Zaphodsotherhead · 05/02/2020 16:05

I'd say learn to be happy alone.

For one thing, it might stand you in good stead if you never meet the love of your life, and for another, a woman who doesn't give off 'I want a MAN' vibes tends to be more attractive to the sort of man who wants a proper relationship rather than sex.

ravenmum · 05/02/2020 16:25

Agree that if you're in a rural location, it's harder. And most women your age will have at least slightly older children (or their kids might have even left home) - and the men interested in women your age have probably got the whole early years thing well behind them and are heaving a sigh of relief...
Still, why give up? Might as well leave your profile up, go through once a week/fortnight and delete the dick pics, and if you get messaging ask to meet within a week if interested, or ditch. It's just one more potential source of dates, you can do other things at the same time.

northernknickers · 05/02/2020 17:56

Jesus! Some absolutely foul people on here tonight...what is wrong with you?? Nobody was 'waving their genitalia around' for fucks sake 😱 It was actually pertinent to the OP's post, in this instance, to have the viewpoint of a man.

aroundtheworldyet · 05/02/2020 18:30

Some people are just better at it than others. Also age is a consideration. The minute I my age went over 35 it literally crashed down.

Cherryblossom200 · 05/02/2020 18:44

I'm in a similar position to you, exactly the same age as you - 44. And have a 5 yr old.

I've dated slightly younger guys (late 30's) with kids and my age hasn't been an issue.

However I do worry a bit that being 44 may put guys off.

I'm using Bumble and Hinge and like them both. But there are some real wrong un's out there Shockand it does concern me that I'll never meet the right person! I take ages to decide to go on a date which probably isn't helping me.

HeresMe · 05/02/2020 19:09

Reading some of the replys to the man posting which was helpful. I would hope that they weren't that hostile to men they meet

Mermaidwaves · 05/02/2020 19:26

I have found that every date I've been on was where I contacted them first. I'm a big girl, averagely attractive and don't get many first messages. I've had to be the one trawling profiles and making the first move. If I waited for men to contact me I don't think I'd get many dates. At first I found it a bit weird but now I'm used to it. Maybe 1/3 of guys reply but the ones that have usually lead to a date. I'm about to have a fifth date with someone which seems to be the longest so far.

Elieza · 05/02/2020 20:17

@Booker82 ‘s advice was helpful. I’m off to look up some of those sites, thanks.

And to those who are complaining about it, what’s the problem with someone who happens to be a man giving advice on here?
Everyone is welcome here. Or so I believed. There’s no need to be bitter.

Cherryblossom200 · 05/02/2020 20:39

Elieza, there are some incredibly strange people on MN, with lots of odd opinions. I've learnt to just ignore.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 05/02/2020 21:47

I'd say learn to be happy alone.

WTF?? Do you really think that all people looking for a partner are sad or lonely? Nonsense.

People have the right to build the life they wish, whether they want to be on their own or share their journey with other people.

Isitreally77 · 06/02/2020 15:15

I have given up with OLD now, it was getting me no where and was destroying my soul. So many timewasters on there.

I joined the gym in December and have found that I really fancy my hot single gym instructor and it is so much more fun actually flirting with someone in the flesh rather than on an app. After being in a relationship for 14 years and single for two I forgot what it was like to properly flirt with someone. It's just a shame he only ever sees me in my gym kit and half the time hot and sweaty. Although I only ever see him in his gym kit too(not that, that is a bad thing😳😬).