Would you be upset by this on your birthday?

[Lilacwine01]

I used to make a point of a birthday week, always, have done for years. I do it for my kids and my husband makes good use of it too. It was my birthday recently. My husband got my best friend to sort my present from him and also my kids... she wrapped them and between my husband, my friend and her husband, they figured out that my friend would also deliver said presents to my house. The presents were something that I'd already agreed to buy off my friend. The monetary value doesn't matter to me but... my husband had to do sweet FA... he didnt even get the kids to make a card for me nor did he get a card for me himself. I booked a weekend away for us and the kids because we had to do something... before we got to the place we were staying we stopped to get wine for the room; he stayed in the car because he was driving so i went to the shop. When i got back he asked if I got some sparkling, which I hadn't (I thought he might have 🤔). I just wondered if anyone else would be pissed off about this? My husband did sweet fa for my birthday and just left the rest of us to it. This is the opitamy of our 13 year relationship... it's got worse and worse as the years have gone on. Xmas and valentines are similar stories. I wouldn't mind so much but he knew i was a romantic when we met. I just feel like year on year i have begun to expect less and less but this year is the worst. Am I being fair or shit? I feel the bigger picture is that he just does not care anymore. X

my DH is the least romantic person I know. He shows love in different ways than the "traditional" flowers etc (which I think are the biggest waste of money and so easy/a cliche). If he is otherwise thoughtful then you just need to accept you are different and what matters to you both might be different - have you read about the languages of love? It really helped me appreciate the differences between me and DH.

Birthday week?!?!

TBH it's easy to see why he's not fully signed up to your romantic ideals... jeez that's proper high maintenance partner material.

I’m am all for the birthday week. For us it’s two. One week in, one week out. Basically means you can have The extra chocolate as it’s your birthday. Book that treat, it’s you birthday. Meet someone you haven’t seen in ages. It’s your birthday. Go to that restaurant, it’s you birthday.

My friend does the month . It’s just a chance to be a little bit more nice to yourself.

Birthday week or birthday day though. Your dh did nothing. Day long or week long, still nothing

alwaysmovingforwards please see my last post. It's not exactly extravagant and it's something we both started doing together. It's not that I'm demanding it, we are both responsible for development! It's just in the last few years he's been much less thoughtful and this year it just particularly annoyed me.

Aussiebean sounds fab!

So.........

What else is going on?

Seems there may potentially bigger issues impacting your relationship?

I feel bad for complaining because he thought he’d done really well
So, not thoughtless at all, then... Just not the marching bands and sky writers you felt befitted the occasion 🤦‍♀️
You do sound extremely spoilt.

74NewStreet I understand that's how it sounds.

'Just not the marching bands and sky writers you felt befitted the occasion 🤦‍♀️
You do sound extremely spoilt.'

I don't think wanting a card and one off the her dc makes her spoilt.

Think this birthday week rubbish hasn't done you any favours.

We always did a birthday week too - less so since our dcs started school but we still have celebrations all week ie going away for a weekend one side or the other, we might have meals out or different friends round on different days either side weekends so it is easy to make it a birthday week.

I would be upset yes op. Birthday and other celebrations ie valentines/anniversaries are important to me and thankfully my dh so we both make an effort.

have you read about the languages of love? It really helped me appreciate the differences between me and DH.

Often when people recommend this, there seems to be an acceptance that the person reading it should just accept that is why their partner doesn't make a fuss - but it should be about compromise in both sides. He might not be bothered, but the OP is, and while expecting a whole week might be too much, a card certainly isn't.

Exactly @EBearhug

Even if you personally think that birthday cards, gifts, presents, cakes, songs, banners and meals are a waste of time, you should do it if it matters to your partner. Because otherwise they will feel that you don’t love them.

I am very happy for all the posters here who hate birthdays and everything to do with them. That’s just fine for them to feel like that.

But the Op feels differently and that’s allowed. It doesn’t make her selfish, childish or morally inferior. Anymore than hating birthdays makes you mean, joyless and judgemental.

I really go all out for birthdays, I love surprising people, planning lovely things and generally making a huge effort. I won’t lie, it does hurt that no one has ever done anything particularly thoughtful for me.
When I was 21 I organised my boyfriend at the time a huge surprise party with all his friends and family which he was thrilled with and in return for my birthday he bought me a rubber duck because he didn’t have any ideas 🤷🏼‍♀️
It sucks having to organise your own celebrations but I’ve come to realise it means at least I get to do exactly what I want.

I used to make a point of a birthday week

There’s your problem, it’s a birthday

EL0ISE thank you so much for putting it so well!

The thing is, we both used to do it... we went from a birthday to a birthday weekend and then to a birthday week... it wasn't just my doing, it was ours. My parents even decided to start doing it because it's fun! Birthdays are supposed to be fun (plus if you're working on your birthday then why not let it carry on for longer?!).

Me and my husband have had a good long talk tonight. We've realised we're in a rut. We do love each other and we want our marriage to work and know we have to put each other more towards the top of the priority list.

Please can I thank all of you who gave advice and made me think. I posted on relationships, as opposed to AIBU as I thought that it'd be more advice rather than flaming (). It turns out that there are quite a few of us that have decided upon birthday weeks (or even months ) but I don't think we should be judged on that by people who have decided to keep it to just the one day.

To those who decided to have a go at me about having a birthday week in our family, please just realise we're not all the same. I'm not a spoiled brat or a princess, I just wanted to feel like my husband cared enough to make an effort. I realise that he had, in his own way.

Thank you again for commenting with your opinions. I was just upset last night and chose here to vent. 🥰

Lovely update OP.