Is he Having an affair?

[Supermum11]

Ok so my husband has been acting odd recently very distant to me so I decided to do some investing I looked on his laptop and looked at his emails In his junk folder he had hundreds from a a dating site he joined up in December 2019 I noticed he had a lot of messages sent to him but hasn't replied but I decided to confront him he said it was just spam from when he went on a website to download a movie Illegally! Don't know if I should believe this?!? He has also been working a lot of overtime and suddenly started worrying about his appearance he never usually cares about. I just don't know if I'm being paranoid or if he's having an affair! He doesn't seem like he loves me anymore 😔 we've been together for 11 years and have a child together please let me know your thoughts what should I do? If anything at all

Obviously we can't know, but these signs do suggest that. What dating site was it?

Sorry you are going through this anxiety. I know from experience how heart-wrenching it is.

Well joining a dating site is cheating in my book...

Oh come on, he joined a dating site to illegally download a video? You don’t believe that surely?

I would keep quiet for a while and do some digging if you can, now you’ve confronted him he’s likely to work harder to cover things up if he does have an affair though so it may take a bit of time. Personally, him joining a dating site would be enough for me to end it.

He's either cheating or trying to.

His explanation is dumb.

Finding that, him lying about it and his distant behaviour would be enough to end it.

Hi op . My partner gets this in his spam all the time and it's from downloading streams such as football and boxing . But they are only junk emails from adult dating , find adult friends ect . When you click on it they offer you a link to get chatting to them and to look at photos . If an actual account is open in his name then I'm sorry but I would say he has definitely done it 😓 x

What website was it ?

Go onto that website and have a look about. Do you have to join? What is involved ? Type in his email address in the log in page. If it accepts it, hes got a profile. Request "forgotten password" then check his email.

His explanation doesnt ring true and I wouldn't accept it . Definitely log in to the website involved and see what it's about.

My gut says hes lying....but spam can be a pain in the arse... I get all sorts in my inbox and I haven't joined any dating sites.

What were the messages ?

As mentioned go to that particular website without clicking a link and do the forgotten password thing.

Usually you get loads of spam if you go to porn sites.

How do you get loads of spam if you visit porn sites?

You've got to have put your email address in somewhere to receive these messages surely

I get spam emails from 'hot Russian wives' (I'm female married and heterosexual) so pretty sure I haven't signed up to their website yet they seem to have mine !

Do as pp say. Go to the website without clinking a link and do the forgotten password.. if he has an account, he has signed up.

@Fivetillmidnight

Do as pp say. Go to the website without clinking a link and do the forgotten password.. if he has an account, he has signed up.

Even that depends on his email address. If it's [email protected] then it realistically could have been someone else called John Smith or even just someone giving a random name. It's not as though these sites are principled enough to verify ownership of email addresses.

Does the website refer to him by a username? There's no way he'd get emails from a dating site via an illegal movie download site.

There's no way he'd get emails from a dating site via an illegal movie download site.

He almost certainly would if he gave them him email address. The various underworlds doubtless sell addresses to one another. Why would they not?!

His story is not realistic.

There aren't a lot of illegal download sites that ask for an email address; most use 3rd party applications to download torrent files and bypass any kind of membership.

Those that do require accounts/logins most likely don't waste the cycles to automatically sign up empty profiles to an entirely separate site.

Further, people (especially women) really don't tend to send messages to blank dating profiles.

And unless your DH submitted a description of himself and his interests, along with photographs, to an illegal download site - which I don't need to say is a ridiculous prospect! - the profile would indeed be empty.

He is lying about something.

Further, people (especially women) really don't tend to send messages to blank dating profiles.

Real people don't. But unscrupulous dating websites bombard target email addresses with messages from fictional women who are all very keen to get to know you better. In order to reply, you must first subscribe. It's just a numbers game, like any other spam.

Being distant and taking a sudden interest in his appearance might be indicators that something is afoot. But unanswered messages from a dating website are not,

Yes you do get these email from streaming using certain sites so I would believe him

Working late and sudden interest in appearance are big signs.

I can't comment on everything else. But the working overtime was a big red flag that I didn't recognise/or chose to ignore (who knows) he left me the OW (half his age) just before Xmas, leaving me with two young DC I feel like an utter fool now. Just keep your eyes and ears open, that's the only advice I can give you.

Spam is a nightmare, our email addresses are worth money and are traded by unscrupulous sites.

The only way to be sure is if he has an actual profile on the dating site. If he has then typically emails would be addressed to a user name

You say he's "joined up" to a dating site. Is that for definite? Because if it is there's only one way he could've signed up and that's by him signing up. I get spam emails from weird porn, erecetile disfunction and dating sites but they do not say I've created an account or anything.