My cheating husband wants to go on a lads stag

[ughcantthinkofaname]

Hey everyone,

I'm not here to be judged about reasons why I stayed with my cheating husband, it's more complicated then "just leave him", especially with the culture I was born into. I got married when I was 22, and now am 24 with a beautiful baby. Before, during and after pregnancy, my husband cheated on me many occasions many different ways, called girls, texted girls, dating apps, met escorts, slept with escorts blah blah - you name it, he's done it.

I've asked for a divorce many times, but being Asian and in this culture, my family cared more about reputation then taking me back, as did his. Having a baby and unsupportive family, I can't leave him just yet until I've come about my own way to support myself and my child. Financially, I've depended on him as I've been caring for his mother. Recently, I've been saving my own money, working instead of being his mothers carer after the way he's treated me. He knows now that soon nothing can stop me leaving so he's been "kissing my ass" a lot. Basically, being all nice, trying to remind me why I fell
In love with him in the first place etc etc. Dw ladies, I have my head screwed on, I'm not going to fall for that shit.

Anyway, long story short, his best friends stag is coming up and they've booked a villa and so many of them are going and he's like "no no we're just going to chill, we're not going clubbing or drinking or anything" (in our culture we don't drink) but when you're with your lads it's different. So, i went on the group chat for the lads holiday and they've booked a club night, talking about the ladies and what happens on holiday stays on holiday and all this stuff.
Should I let him go? Do you think he will cheat on this holiday too? What would you do? Need advice/opinions.

Plz don't say "why do you care? You have intentions to leave anyway" as I'm not sure when I'll be leaving, could be another year or so and quite frankly I'll be ignoring comments along those lines anyway.

Thank for reading x

He will cheat on this holiday (and had probably continued to cheat on you) so just make sure you don’t have unprotected sex with him

Leave him

Should I let him go?

Yes. How would you stop him anyway?

Do you think he will cheat on this holiday too?

Yes.

What would you do?

I don’t understand the question, what can you do?

He’s. Talking. About. Ladies. He’s fucked women before.

What exactly would he have to do?

Of course he's going to cheat, he's knows there isn't a come back

Would you even be able to stop him going!?

Yes of course he will cheat. He knows there are no consequences. As others have said get yourself tested for STI.

Don't have unprotected sex with him and use the time he's away to start squirreling away his financial information, mortgage etc... for when you do divorce him. Also look up what you would be eligible for as a single parent with childcare and UC it might not be case you have to stay in this marriage.

I'm not exactly sure what you're expecting posters to say?

All you can do is avoid unprotected sex with him from now on, don't expose yourself to any diseases. He has nothing stopping him cheating, no morals or any sense of responsibility. Do you families know about the cheating and desire to leave? Surely his despicable behaviour is not looked upon kindly?

Have a look on the entitled to website, you may well be able to leave sooner than you think. Excellent to hear you're already saving money so you are ready when you have the opportunity.

What a shitty situation to be in, so sorry OP it must be really hard going.

Bottom line here is, yes he will go , and yes he will more than likely do something with a woman whilst there. Why wouldn't he ? He does it at home , why wouldn't he when hes away with the lads and no one will find out....bloody hell, hes even been discussing it already!

Just let him go. You'll probably find you wouldn't be able to stop him anyway. You've accepted hes a cheat so with respect, what does one more matter?

Does it matter? You're going to leave him anyway and he's going to cheat on you again - whether it's on this holiday or not, it'll happen and won't change things.

Let it go emotionally - nothing sends a message clearer and you'll be happier if you're not stressing. Just don't sleep with him unprotected and get yourself tested ASAP

Whatever you do don't fuck him.

What would happen to you if you did leave him?

You’re going to leave him anyway (thank goodness and well done for all the work you’ve done towards it) so basically who cares what he does? It’s not like you’re working on your marriage with a view to staying together. This guy has no regard for you - why would he, it sounds like the families think him being an arse is acceptable. So only you can value yourself and carve out a new future for yourself. Best of luck.

Play the long game. Let him go, don't have unprotected sex with him and keep focussing on building your savings. You deserve better.

I have to say in your culture it is so frustrating that a daughter having a failed marriage is considered so much worse than the son/husband who cheated and disrespected her so badly. It's not your fault, and don't let this stop you from moving on. You're only 24.

Of course he is going to cheat but even if he doesn’t go on the stag do he will still cheat.

Let him go. Expect him to cheat. Don't sleep with him. Get your shit together. Leave.

Nothing much to be done but use the time he’s away to harden your heart against him. He’s supposed to be trying to convince you to stay with him, but still prioritising ‘playing away’. Don’t get sad, get more determined to leave.

In the long run, he’s probably doing you a favour. It’s easier to seperate from someone who’s a real pig.

I’d probably tell his mum what you read on the thread though. The tight grip on family in families like yours runs both ways, you know. Don’t protect him from family consequences of his revolting actions.

He doesn't have to go on a stag holiday to cheat, as he has already proven.

If you aren't ready to leave just assume separate lives.

Never have sex with him again.

Don't get pregnant.
Save like mad to being your child up in a toxic free environment.

It sounds pretty clear he will continue to cheat.

I don't see what trying to stop him achieves. Is it jealousy or appearances that makes you consider it?

Ultimately you're working towards leaving regardless of how many more times he does or does not cheat on you, so take the path that best protects you and avoids unnecessary aggravation in the meantime.

It's always more complicated than "just leave him" .

Oh god OP, this is so awful to hear. Im so sorry you're in this situation. And I'm sorry to add to your worries but please do not have unprotected sex with him. What about herpes? It's such a horrible condition. It can be painful and there is no cure. He is clearly having sex with multiple women and risky sex with prostitutes. You can catch herpes even when it's not particularly visible that someone is having an outbreak. He could then pass this to you with condoms not providing full protection. And you DEFINATELY do not want to find yourself pregnant again.

I don’t think it matters much what you do. He will either cheat on the stag do, or at home.

So whether he goes or not is neither here nor there surely?

You can't physically stop him going. You know what he's like and that he'll probably cheat again on the stag do. He knows, that you know he's cheated and will probably cheat again, but doesn't give a shiny shit. He's done and will do exactly as he pleases.
The sooner you leave, the better.

He will undoubtedly cheat, but I think you know that. If you can stop him going in a way that won’t make life hard then do it, if not, by all means, wave him off. If you haven’t already, withdraw emotionally from the relationship, and sexually. If you’ve already made up your mind about wanting to leave but having to wait until the time is right then go and have your own little bit of fun on the side while you wait.