Would you go on a night out alone?

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

I'm female, single, 34 and have my children 80% of the time whilst my ex husband does the remaing 20%.

In my free time I love to go out for a drink maybe one a month with friends. It's not with the aim of meeting a guy, but I am single and dont get along well with online dating so it would be welcome. We generally go out, few drinks, have a dance and go home by about 2am.

But just recently my friends have been so flakey. We all have children so we'll arrange a night out in about 4 weeks time, and inevitably at least 2 or 3 will drop out, be ill, have forgotten about other plans etc. The upshot is we end up postponing and I end up feeling really disappointed and let down.

I look forward to our nights out so much and since they are usually ditched at the last minute I end up sitting home alone and feeling annoyed that my rare free time isn't being used to best effect!

When we do actually make it out we always have a great time so I'm pretty sure it's not as if they dont want to come, and I'd say there's not one person who always organises it as it's more of a joint arrangement.

I was talking to another friend about it (who lives 200 miles away in London) and she said I should just go out anyway. On my own. I felt a bit flummoxed. Do people actually do this? Is it a thing? I feel like I would just spend the whole night alone and awkward and not speaking to anyone. I dont think I have the confidence but dont feel like I can keep relying on friends whi let me down so often.

Dinner and movie on your own yes.
Clubbing... no!

Alone alone? Like, on your actual own? Who are you going to dance with? Who will watch your drinks when you go to the loo?

Definitely not! But then I like to make sure we all get into taxis safely at the end - I wouldn’t feel safe out on my own in a club!

I'd go out for food, cinema or a gig, sure. Drinking / pubs and clubs, no.

Have a back up plan, a sauna and swim, or cinema or something you'd enjoy alone x

You could do Dinner, Movie or show alone. Not sure about a night on the tiles though....

A friend uses dating sites and she mentioned that there used to be group meet ups for singletons in pubs in larger towns and cities - would you try something like that?

Just saw on another thread, a site called meetup.com

Where do you live?

I wouldn't have the confidence to do this myself but agree with others, cinema or a show would be good so that you are doing something and not stuck at home. You wouldn't stand out going to these places if you are on your own.
Could you maybe try joining a club or starting some kind of activity on a night when your kids are with ExH so that you have something new to try each week? A chance to make some more friends and a new hobby at the same time?
Then when the stars align and your best friends can get together for a night out it would be a bonus. But you wouldn't be so disappointed if they let you down at the last minute because you have other options.

Oh yes MeetUp might be good for you - tends to be groups by age and/or interests doing social stuff that you can dip in and out of.

I wouldn't, it's not safe and I don't enjoy my own company enough to go clubbing by myself I'd feel very vulnerable.

I'd go to a local pub and have a little drink and read on my phone (I like to do this when I get peace and quiet anyway)

I'd also go the cinemas too

Yeah try online friends thing. It's meant to be good.
Also can you start a new hobby or activity and meet some less flaky people to go out with?

I am happy to do a lot on my own - eat out, cinema, quick drink in the pub but I wouldn't do a full on night out. You need to see what local groups and get togethers are happening. There will be something.

Ehh yeah I’d go on your own! I always go to things alone - been to music festivals, gigs, clubs by myself - have always met plenty of people to chat with and and you with a bit of a crew for the night !! I never feel unsafe - I travel home late at night all the time by myself on the tube regardless of whether I’ve gone out alone or with mates and never had any issues ! Go for it x

I wouldn’t go out clubbing til 2am alone, but yes, I go out for a few glasses of wine or a nice dinner out or to whatever like live music by myself.

I have a dh and dc at home, but it’s rare we have childcare and can do anything together. So not if I’m home, but if I’m traveling or go away for the night or whatever, definitely. I go on holiday by myself every year and go out every night. It’s great. Obviously the point isn’t to meet other people really, just to leave the house after 6pm!

I have done it in the past. Like 10 years ago. And I am going out dancing by myself again next weekend! I'm 33, recently divorced. Can't wait!
It's one of those things I have so terribly missed. I did go out clubbing with my husband a couple of times but it wasn't quite the same... It's my thing all that dancing.
I am pretty confident though and try to make some "anchor" acquaintances quickly - bar staff, door staff, a group of mixed sex people - then there's someone to look out for me. Never has been any trouble though. I have fun, drink non alcoholic drinks ( mostly), chat to people, dance the night away..
That's me though. I don't know many other people who do similar.

Absolutely. I wouldn't get hammered by myself in a dodgy pub but there's loads you can do. Cinema, Theatre, dance, cabaret, night classes, late night galleries, lectures, classical concerts, life drawing, dinner etc etc Get dressed up and enjoy yourself. You tend to meet more people when you're by yourself.

No unfortunately it doesn’t matter what your motivation is, the attitudes of others makes you vulnerable ahd you have children at home should anything happen to you. I’m sorry .

Like most other pp, I'd g to the theatre on my own, and I'd go to a party where I knew other people I knew were going to be there on my own, (say someone's 40th or something) but I wouldn't go out drinking / dancing on my own - where's the fun in that ?

Yes I would, I’d start out with small and local and work my way out from there.

Like a pp said, make friends with the door staff and bar staff, let them know you are on your own and have set plans to get home with local taxi company or don’t drink and drive home

I often go to pubs for food or even drinks alone but I’d be apprehensive to go dancing alone - I would worry about looking vulnerable to creeps... I’ve been groped too many times in clubbing contexts. I feel like there is safety in numbers in places where people can get aggressive.

Going out alone to clubs I think puts you in a very vulnerable position and I cant see the fun in that. You could go to a nice pub and get to know people there - the regulars? Going to cinema or theatre on own is fine.

OP, I’ve been widowed for 28 years. If I didn’t go out alone I’d never get out at all! It doesn’t stop me going to the cinema, opera, concert hall, stand up comedy, theatre, bridge club, sports club etc. I talk to people when I get there.
Please give yourself permission to have a life.

Try it and see how you feel. The worst outcome is that you’ll feel uncomfortable but you can take comfort in the knowledge you can go home at any point you decide you’ve had enough.

I personally have been out for meals alone, drinks in pubs and even been to a nightclub in my own before. Sure it was a bit daunting but after a few drinks you’ll soon relax a bit and it won’t seem so bad ( in my case a few too many I was chatting to random strangers, cringe in the morning) but I actually fee empowered that I can and have. Been out on my own. I’ve even booked a holiday on my own. Some people said it’s sad to do this but I feel even more confident in my decision to do things alone because I’m able to make that decision where as others don’t have the confidence.

What is your opinion on drinking at home on your own? I use to call them one-man parties - I’d have YouTube on have a song maybe a little dance and get merry on my own. Sure I’d text my friends and encourage them to come and join but if not then no worries.

Try it, you might find you like it! Not having to please other people and just please yourself!

My advice for day drinking alone for beginners is to take a news paper with you or have something to read/do whilst your sat there - maybe follow the football and put an accumulator on even if you know nothing about football!

And 9/10 you will see someone you know out. 👍 let us know how you get on! Good luck!

I e done clubs til 5am on my own miles from where I lived, pubs by myself, holidays by myself, sensible things (cinema, eating etc) by myself. I was never happier.
BUT that was over 15 years ago and I was gutsy and strong(ish) and lots of weird things happened.
Now.. I live in a village- happily would go for coffee, the pub etc by myself but I know so many people I’d probably be safe. No way I’d do the rest alone anymore. Such a shame it isn’t safe!