Would you go on a night out alone?

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

I'm female, single, 34 and have my children 80% of the time whilst my ex husband does the remaing 20%.

In my free time I love to go out for a drink maybe one a month with friends. It's not with the aim of meeting a guy, but I am single and dont get along well with online dating so it would be welcome. We generally go out, few drinks, have a dance and go home by about 2am.

But just recently my friends have been so flakey. We all have children so we'll arrange a night out in about 4 weeks time, and inevitably at least 2 or 3 will drop out, be ill, have forgotten about other plans etc. The upshot is we end up postponing and I end up feeling really disappointed and let down.

I look forward to our nights out so much and since they are usually ditched at the last minute I end up sitting home alone and feeling annoyed that my rare free time isn't being used to best effect!

When we do actually make it out we always have a great time so I'm pretty sure it's not as if they dont want to come, and I'd say there's not one person who always organises it as it's more of a joint arrangement.

I was talking to another friend about it (who lives 200 miles away in London) and she said I should just go out anyway. On my own. I felt a bit flummoxed. Do people actually do this? Is it a thing? I feel like I would just spend the whole night alone and awkward and not speaking to anyone. I dont think I have the confidence but dont feel like I can keep relying on friends whi let me down so often.

Cinema and theatre yes.

Pub/club no.

I go away for work so often go for meals or to a pub alone. By pub I mean a pub that does food or an olde worlds type pub. What about getting a job in a pub. Or the other thing is salsa dancing in a bar and people stay on after

join meet up maybe you find some people in your area. There is lots of gropus like casual drinks etc. I'm not single but husband don't like to go out. I have the same problem with girlfrend all in relationships and none have free weekends it's rare to make any arrangements.
I wouldn't go out clubbing by myslef. I do cinema shows etc by myself.

Single 17 years here. Admittedly currently housebound due to mh issues (ocd not social related)

I have on many occasions gone out to dinner, cinema, theatre, concerts & gigs, public lectures and comedy shows alone. There are LOADS of people who do. I’ve made friends and even met people I ended up dating this way even though that wasn’t the initial intention.

Alternatively you could try something like meet-up which is sort of old for platonic friends (although there are singles groups there too). Some are just social for people with similar interests and some are hobby related.

Get out there, meet new people - friends AND potential relationships. You’ll feel SO proud of yourself it really boosts confidence and self esteem.

Clubbing is a LITTLE different but as I’m bi I’ve been to lesbian clubs on my own and felt perfectly safe and had a good time and met people, they had taxi “tanks” right outside and the “bouncers” were very good about keeping lone clubbers company if the rank was temporarily quiet. Nothing stopping you as a straight (?) woman going to lesbian clubs either.

You can still treat yourself, a bottle of wine alone is actually more fun than going out. I personally wouldn’t know what to do with myself clubbing alone

I’ve gone out alone on many occasions and actually enjoy it. Usually when travelling for work, but sometimes at home too. I’m not into clubbing but would happily try lively bars and usually end up having conversations with someone or making a few new acquaintances. I tend to have a more relaxing night on my own, whereas when I’m out with my usual group of mates they inevitably drink much faster and we always end up going somewhere that doesn’t please everybody.

Even if it’s not a big night out, when I’m away with work one of my simple pleasures is a few quiet pints in the hotel bar whilst I read a magazine.

I am male (not that the gender really matters) so perhaps slightly less concerned about my drink being spiked or someone being sleazy round me when I’m alone. I know it can happen to guys to but statistically women would be more likely to suffer unwanted advances like this.

I think I would, I would have a few drinks at home build up the courage first tho then head to my local. All u can do is try it and see how you get on. Go for it only live once

When I was just divorced, I joined a singles group called Spice, where many events were organised, cinema, dinners, walks etc. This was really just for single people to socialise, rather than it being a dating site. I really enjoyed the events I went to, and was told that the male members were all looking for hookups, but the females made lots of good female friends !

Gigs, shows, cinema, theatre, restaurants - definitely. Also love the Edinburgh Festival, can go to 24323 things as a lone female and never feel out of place. A club... not sure I would but wouldn’t rule it out!

Lol I used to in my 20s when I was single, get p*ssed at home then go to some club on my own! It can go either way tbh, you either make friends in the club quickly and have a great night or nobody wants to talk or hang out and you end of feeling miserable.

I wouldn't do it now though, but mainly because I'm not into clubbing anymore. Can't handle the hangovers!

I should add the clubs I went to were also gay clubs like pp, I find there;s a greater mixture of people in them than straight clubs, so easier to get talking to someone

I used to go clubbing alone all the time when I was younger - but I was goth, so it was maybe a bit different - I sort of knew lots of people who were into that scene.

Now I go to the cinema or for food alone all the time. Less often I'll go for a drink alone - just no reason to.

If I was dressed up with nowhere to go, I'd definitely go somewhere!

Yes! I did this recently when mum friends flaked early eve and I wasn’t ready to go home. I was in town anyway so I took myself to a club, bought a drink, got chatting to bar staff, the DJ, couple of people at the bar. Had a dance, got a bit tipsy, flirted, had a great time! Had to make use of that babysitter!

Not sure whether I would have planned it that way but it all worked out well as a spontaneous thing.

You can set yourself a limit, like you’ll stay for three drinks, or something, and then go. Unless you’re having a great time of course, then stay.

If I saw a woman out on her own maybe propping up the bar or checking her phone, I’d assume she was waiting for someone or meeting someone or maybe had been let down or stood up by someone- but really I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. If you want to go, go. If at any point you feel unsafe or judged or whatever you can say your friend is on their way but has been delayed, or some such lie. I had such fun dancing to great music for the first time in ages. Have fun!

It is really hard getting a group together all at the same time so I think you should talk to your friends about not postponing every time someone has a problem.

Are you the only single person in the group?

Next time it happens send a message straight away, saying ‘oh no sorry xyz can’t come but who’s up for a drink anyway? It’s my only chance to go out while the kids are at their Dad’s, I’m not wasting it sitting in on my own!”

There’s nothing wrong with going out alone if you want to but it sounds more like you’d like to expand your social circle. Since I became single again I’ve made a massive effort and have developed a good few new friendships so have more options.

Have you tried Frolo which is a friendship app for single parents - there’s loads of meet-ups on there and you can meet people local to you in a similar situation.

Some of my best friends that I hang out with regularly are people I met on nights out!! I don't know if meet ups are necessary tbh!! I would totally recommend a few nights out alone - it feels great!

Sure I met my now husband at a club night!

One of my Bridesmaids was a girl I met in the toilet queue at a music festival 12 years ago - we got chatting and ended up deciding to go to see a band together as we'd both lost all our friends - we proper hit it off and then stayed in touch after we got back!

I’ll go to the theatre or cinema on my own, or sometimes I pop to my local for a couple of pints. That’s a bit different though - more like going for coffee. Plus everyone knows everyone in there!
I wouldn’t go out drinking and dancing by myself. That would seem weird, and a bit sad to me.

I love my own company. I travel often alone so am happy to sit and have a meal alone or even have a drink in a quiet bar but there's no way I'd go out clubbing alone.

To me that's just too weird. I'd go to lots of places along but it feels so odd the thought of going dancing on your own in a loud bar. No thanks!

My best friends mum once arranged to meet up with a couple of workmates. They cancelled at the last minute and she thought sod it im still going! She went to a club on her own at the age of 56 and I thought fair bloody play! Why not!

i dont think the op is coming back