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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

We were pushed out of our own house by teenagers

72 replies

sillycat72 · 28/01/2020 18:36

We are a blended family and it has been so hard. His dcs are 14 and 15 both girls and mine are 16 and 13 girl and boy.

Dh teens basically decided after 7 years they wanted their dad to themselves and they became really difficult and jealous his youngest dd posted a disgusting video on tick tock aimed at me singing, this is the face your going to loose to, f you, screw you. My son goes to the same school so all his friends were telling him about it, he was upset, I told dh etc. Basically after that she would never go back to school to face the backlash and this was last October. She said she wasn't happy here and it was all because of me, which hurt but I stepped back and just let her and her sister spend time with their dad. The older one then joined in the hate protest and things escalated, dh decided his kids came first so we were out. His dcs loved it they finally had their dad to themselves and got us out. I had no idea what I had done wrong just everyone was blaming me. I never cried so much. Spent Xmas seperately and new year. Then Dh started to realise they still weren't coming even when I wasn't there, then he was on his own cos they spent half the time with their mum.

We dated for a while in our seperate houses, he was so sorry, he realises I wasn't to blame I had always been so good to them and they were just being jealous teenagers and he should of been stronger. So I came back! The issues are still there, dh has been a bit better but he's gone into a depression because of the thought of loosing his dds.

For me it's hard as I'm not happy but I don't want to keep moving my kids out then back in again, they are the innocent party! Plus we own this house jointly. I just don't know what to do Sad

OP posts:
Simonsaysitschristmas · 28/01/2020 18:45

At 14 and 15, I think they are old enough to be sat down and asked what their issue is. They know right from wrong and need to be made to explain their behaviour.

What is your/DH’s relationship like with their mum? Is she friendly with you? If so could you speak to her and make sure she lets them know their behaviour is unacceptable.

MsTSwift · 28/01/2020 18:47

They’ve been given far too much power

Glitterb · 28/01/2020 18:49

If you own the house jointly then why should you move out? His girls should be welcome but still have enough manners and respect! They are old enough to underwear this and not be posting stupid things online at your expense.

missyB1 · 28/01/2020 18:52

Finish this relationship for the sake of your kids. They deserve better. But first get legal advice about the house, if it’s jointly owned I think he should move out as you have your kids living with you.

lisag1969 · 28/01/2020 18:58

You should have never gone back in the first place. You will always come last in the pecking order. It's not fair on your children or you.

Ask him to sell the house and separate.
You will always be unhappy otherwise x

sonjadog · 28/01/2020 18:58

You can't win this one at the moment. Stay separated and live in your own house with your kids. Let him deal with his. You can still date but leave all thought of moving in until the kids have grown up and are living adult lives.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 28/01/2020 18:58

So you were separated at New Year and since then, in the mere space of 4 weeks, he’s seen the light regarding his daughters and seen the error of his ways, you’ve dated long enough for him to prove that to you, moved yourself and your kids back in, and now realised it’s still not working?

In just 4 weeks? Confused

Seriously, you’ve moved too fast with little to no reassurances, proof of change or plan in place.

Your poor kids must not know if they’re coming or going.

For the sake of ALL of the children, you need to end this relationship - or get some individual, couples and family counselling.

Original poster
sillycat72 · 28/01/2020 19:04

No we don't get on with their mum, infact I think she is behind it in some ways she has tried to split us up since being together

OP posts:
Jayaywhynot · 28/01/2020 19:08

Why did he see the light in such a short time, did he run out of clean underpants? Put your kids first, tell him to move out, you own the house 50/50 so why would you leave, he and his daughters are causing the problem.

Original poster
sillycat72 · 28/01/2020 19:09

I had to come home I only had use of a house for a short time, it's not as simple as that. This house would have to be sold first, I don't think he suddenly saw the error of his ways no but it's a tough situation I haven't got loads of money to just go somewhere else like that

OP posts:
Original poster
sillycat72 · 28/01/2020 19:10

He won't go, he just made my life a misery as well as his dds

OP posts:
damnthatanxiety · 28/01/2020 19:11

If you own the house jointly, why in heaven's name did you leave? What possible right did your Dp have to tell you to leave????

Wildorchidz · 28/01/2020 19:15

What do your children think of the shitty situation you have landed them in?

Jayaywhynot · 28/01/2020 19:28

You have my sympathy, sounds dreadful Flowers

loopery · 28/01/2020 19:31

Wow. For the first time i don’t know what advice to give. I really feel for you. What a shit situation. Don’t move out again though. It’s your house! Teen girls are a nightmare so you’re best off having as little contact as possible. God I wouldn’t know what to do in that situation. Could you go speak to a child psychologist and get some professional help?

loopery · 28/01/2020 19:33

Could you use reverse psychology? Tell them that as they are so unhappy there that it’s best they stay away? Then make your DH see them outside the house? Let’s face it, it’s not until they’re mid 20’s and lived a bit that they’re going to be remotely interested in family and see the possible error of their ways. Trying to get through to selfish, hysterical teen girls isn’t a battle worth fighting surely?

ferrier · 28/01/2020 19:34

If he's making your life a misery why don't you divorce? Split up the house/finances in the usual way.
Do you have main parental responsibility for your kids and he doesn't?

VenusTiger · 28/01/2020 19:58

So your step daughters basically threw you and your kids out of your own home! Disgusting!
Tell DH they need counselling OP, in order to get over this shite and move forward. Your DH is now suffering as a result of their behaviour and is depressed. Sickening behaviour and someone, anyone should tell these girls to grow the fuck up and stop making the dad they supposedly love so unhappy!

Sadiee88 · 28/01/2020 20:01

I’d call bluff. Get an estate agent out. See how the girls feel about losing their house. Cheeky, spoiled little squits!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 28/01/2020 20:02

If you want to rescue your marriage, you both need counselling and to agree on a plan of action for his children. Is that likely? Unfortunately, you may have already set a pattern where he can almost throw you out, then when he fancies a shag or some clean socks, you are "allowed" back in. That's going to be hard to break.

His behaviour has been awful- he basically bullied you and your children out of your home. That's hideous, and not the behaviour you'd expect from an adult in a loving relationship. How long do you think it will be before his daughters want him to get rid of you again? Will you feel secure knowing that this could happen again?

Even if he won't engage with it, I think you need counselling for yourself. This could become a really nasty pattern and cause huge problems and you will need your head in the right place to prevent that. You also need sensible legal advice, just in case.

Dragonembroidery · 28/01/2020 20:06

You've been married since they were 7 and 8?
I don't normally say this but they've another home, their own mum. It's only 1 year until they're 16 or 3 years to 18.
Often at 16/17/18 they'll have their own lives or at least be less teenage maliciousness.
I wouldn't throw away your marriage for them.

Unless you've been awful to them in some way that you haven't said, then there's no reason for them to win.

Dh is probably depressed that they're being such arses. Not about you.
Can you be tough with them? It's your house. If they don't like it they can stay away (with their mum).

BobLemon · 28/01/2020 20:11

The situation wasn’t to his satisfaction, so he booted you and your children out of your home?

And then that situation didn’t suit him, so he’s moved you back in?

pinkyredrose · 28/01/2020 20:11

Feeling sorry for your kids tbh. His kids are well old enough to behave.

Stuckupsnob · 28/01/2020 20:11

loopery The reverse psychology idea is a good one except it might send dp on a spiral downwards if he thinks he’s losing his daughters.

So.. tell dp to man up and tell his daughters to behave themselves or else it will cause a huge rift between him and them.

MyuMe · 28/01/2020 20:13

I'd say to DH that his daughters aren't welcome back in your home until they behave.

They can live with their mother.

I wouldn't say this if these were younger children but at that age they have to understand their actions have consequences.

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