We were pushed out of our own house by teenagers

[sillycat72]

We are a blended family and it has been so hard. His dcs are 14 and 15 both girls and mine are 16 and 13 girl and boy.

Dh teens basically decided after 7 years they wanted their dad to themselves and they became really difficult and jealous his youngest dd posted a disgusting video on tick tock aimed at me singing, this is the face your going to loose to, f you, screw you. My son goes to the same school so all his friends were telling him about it, he was upset, I told dh etc. Basically after that she would never go back to school to face the backlash and this was last October. She said she wasn't happy here and it was all because of me, which hurt but I stepped back and just let her and her sister spend time with their dad. The older one then joined in the hate protest and things escalated, dh decided his kids came first so we were out. His dcs loved it they finally had their dad to themselves and got us out. I had no idea what I had done wrong just everyone was blaming me. I never cried so much. Spent Xmas seperately and new year. Then Dh started to realise they still weren't coming even when I wasn't there, then he was on his own cos they spent half the time with their mum.

We dated for a while in our seperate houses, he was so sorry, he realises I wasn't to blame I had always been so good to them and they were just being jealous teenagers and he should of been stronger. So I came back! The issues are still there, dh has been a bit better but he's gone into a depression because of the thought of loosing his dds.

For me it's hard as I'm not happy but I don't want to keep moving my kids out then back in again, they are the innocent party! Plus we own this house jointly. I just don't know what to do

So if he hadn't realised it was their fault, where would you have gone after those 4 weeks?

If the kids realise you've moved back in and start protesting again, then what?
You get kicked out again?

This sounds ridiculous. There is no way I would have moved out with my kids... HE and his DDs would have been out the door however.

They sound like jealous little bitches and your DH sounds like he hasn't got a backbone. If fact you don't sound like you have one either.

Why are you putting up with it? His DDs sound horrible & need putting in their place, which is what your DH should have done in the first place.

I'm not meaning to be nasty or blunt OP because it doesn't sound like a nice situation at all, but from an outsiders point of view it's crazy how 2 adults are allowing a 14 and 15 year old to do this.

It's YOUR house as well OP! Why on earth have a 14 and 15 year old been allowed to bully you out of your own home?

I've a feeling you're fighting a losing battle with this one & I think you and your kids would be better off without them.

God, I can’t give you any advice re the step children but don’t leave the house again! You own it 50/50 and his kids don’t trump yours.

I’d certainly be looking at selling the house and leaving him and his brats to it.

Sell the house. Serious like a pp said - get the estate agents in. Your kids don’t deserve these idiots

tbh at that age i would sit them down ask them what their problem is, and until they can respect you in your home, they can see their dad outof it.

harsh but i wouldnt take that shit in my own house

or divorce him and live separately, sell the house

they have been given too much power

Why did he see the light in such a short time, did he run out of clean underpants

This. So he wants you back now he’s not getting any visits from his dd’s? Of course he does. Well who’s to say he won’t chuck you out again when they put the pressure on?

It sounds like a bizarre situation - he basically chucked you out of your own house because his daughters don’t like you? And you let him? Doesn’t sound like a great marriage does it?
Even if you stay and try to sort things out with his daughters I think you will have huge resentment at what he did. I feel sorry for your poor kids too.

Him and his kids don't trump you and your kids.

Your dp sounds unbelievably selfish. That's half the issues with his dc, he doesn't want to be the bad guy and wants an easy life so gives them what they want and they in turn hold all the cards.

Move back in, tell him you want him to either sell the house and take your half or he buys you out. I wouldn't live with him or his kids. But I also wouldn't step back and let them live in my house

What a dick he is! He needs to man up. Or do yourself a favour OP and just divorce him!

You're not a blended family at all. Have his DCs ever accepted you?

You need to get legal advice 're divorce and selling the house. This is going nowhere

Family therapy?

well, while everyone else is piling on saying the dds are little shits, I think that is not actually helpful.

I have 3 dcs, and 2 girls aged 12 and 15. It really is not an easy time to be a teen or an easy time to parent them. We make mistakes, and so do they. One of my dds takes delight in escalating things, throwing drama queen tantrums and generally being exhausting, and throwing accusations at us (you don't love me) in between needing hugs and love and help with homework.
I can't imagine how much harder it would be if she had a whole pile of amunition around step parenting to throw at us.

I think you and your dh need to talk and come up with a plan to manage this behaviour.
You need a united front.
You need to sit down and explain to kids what the boundaries are wrt respect.
You need some consequences in place for breaking of said boundaries.
You probably also need some family therapy.

Don't send them back to their mums, then they will lose the relationship with their dad. Do withold cash and phones when they can't behave.

But the hinge in all this is your relationship with dh and whether you can jointly parent these girls in your joint home. You are not their mother, but you are one of the adults in the house, and they need to know that your voice will count and that the consequences will happen.

@steppemum most teenage girls don't start a hate campaign to get rid of their step mother of several years.

That is pretty exceptional

MyuMe no, but just calling her a little shit and telling her she can go to her mums is a typically mn black and white version of life.

teenagers are lovely but they are complicated and emotions run high. Somethin is going on with her. She needs parenting, not condeming.

And while I am sympathetic to the OP, we only have her version of life in their house. Possibly (and I am not saying this is the caee, just that we don't know) possibly the Op favours her own kids and the girls feel unwanted by her?
Or possibly theri dad is a crap dad and the OP has been bending over backwards to support these girls, but actually the root of their problem is their dad? Who knows?

But i don't think that most answers on here were very helpful wrt what to actually do for these girls.

There's no way I'd allow a couple of spoilt brats to kick me and my DC out of my own home, effectively making us homeless. No way. You need to tell your DH you own as much of the house as he does and if his DC don't like it, they don't have to visit. You need to grow a spine OP and stick up for yourself and your DC.

14 and 15 is plenty old enough to learn the lesson...if you don't like it get out.

I honestly don’t know why people do this to themselves or their children. Why the burning need to remarry and blend families? It so rarely works well. Even when people insist that it’s all great I bet their DC frequently tell a different story.

I honestly don’t get it. I’d advise everyone with children who are old enough to feel jealousy or resentment to wait until they have left home before moving in with a new partner.

If they make life intolerable for everyone, the solution is they have another home to go to.

The OP and her DC do not.

Wow, if he didn't like the situation then he should've moved out.

yup, I can just imagine, next time my 15 year old kicks off, I'll just kick her out.

Oh how inconvenient that I can't send her to someone else's house. Guess I'll just have to grow up and parent her then.

15??? Really 15??? She's just a kid! OK so she is being a vile kid right now, but she is 15, not 25.

Lots of 15 year olds go through horrible phases. As a parent you deal with it, you don't kick them out.

yes she can understand the rules you lay down, and yes she needs telling, but kicking out your own child because you can't impose those rules isn't an option.
This is the girls' home. OK so she has another home, but this should be her home. You don't choose to say I don't want my child any more.
The girls' dad needs to parent them. If He and OP can't work that out, then yes, the relationship is over and then the house will need to be sold etc etc, but the dad can't choose to just disown his daughter.

So, 15 year old misbehaves, send her back to her mother and let her deal with it, I'm not parenting. Really?

I would sell the house and buy a flat for you and your son. Forget his toxic situation and move on.

I know of two couples who decided to live apart till the kids were 18 because of similar issues. Sell the house, rent an apartment or buy a new house, keep dating and try cohabiting again in a few years (when they have left to uni). This current situation is messing with your kids lives, they need more stability from you. Give it to them.

14 and 14-year-olds should not wield so much power.
Tell him your children are staying in their home.
Get legal advice about the house and your occupancy of it.

I honestly don’t know why people do this to themselves or their children. Why the burning need to remarry and blend families? It so rarely works well. Even when people insist that it’s all great I bet their DC frequently tell a different story.
My mum divorced my dad when I was 4. I left home at 18 - pretty early. Sure, she could have stayed a single mum, living alone with me on her low wage in a crappy maisonette in Basildon, for another 14 years (well, probably 12, as I would have left even earlier), hating her life and making mine miserable.
Moving in with her new husband and living with their new family wasn't living the dream, no, but better than any of the alternatives. I did get to an age when I was old enough to feel jealousy and resentment - all children do at some point :) - but I grew past it.

Of course people want to remarry.

OP, your dh is just thinking of himself in all this. His parenting skills sound dreadful, but he's making that your problem - and now you are the one having to tiptoe round him because he is depressed? He's not on your team any more now, you're going to have to act in your own interests and those of your children. Start channeling your anger about the position he's put you in.

The children could all probably do with some counselling, is anything available, e.g. through schools?

Also OP, are you 100% sure the TikTok video was aimed directly at you? They are usually lip-sync afaik, I guess she was singing as Nikki Menaj? genius.com/Young-thug-anybody-lyrics

yup, I can just imagine, next time my 15 year old kicks off, I'll just kick her out. Oh how inconvenient that I can't send her to someone else's house. Guess I'll just have to grow up and parent her then.

OH DEAR GOD

But it isnt your own dd is it.

The girl in this scenario has a home...with her mother and that is her primary home.

No one is kicking her out of her home...just telling her if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come over and her dad can see her off premises.

You'd rather see the OP homeless with her DC to quell a spoilt nasty brats temper

You have missed the point.

You are comparing throwing your own dd out and making her homeless when that is not comparable here.