Porn- a deal breaker

[anothernamejeeves]

I have heard some people on here say it would be a deal breaker for them- would it be for you?

I caught my husband watching a couple of years back. I had discussed many years before we married why I don't approve and how I hope it won't be part of our/his sex life. I don't mean masturbation just porn. I copped him again after he promised solemnly he wouldn't use it again. It set me on a bad path of self loathing and destructive behaviours which I am struggling to disengage from now if I'm honest

If it happens again I will have to walk away. Everyone I've spoke to in real life says I'm crazy and over the top. Anyone know where I'm coming from ?

Perhaps i have a jaded view because my STBXH is an addict. Watching multiple times a day, with me in the house (or room) every day for years, little interest in sex, lying repeatedly.

Maybe some people can use it 'responsibly', but it's utterly destroyed my marriage. All these posters saying all men watch it are very depressing.

Just want to pop back to make the point that it is possible to choose not to do something, such as watch porn, however titillating one might find it, because you realise it is ethically corrupt. So whether a man finds it a turn-on or not, he can acknowledge that the likelihood of the woman in a clip being trafficked, coerced or exploited in some way is quite high, and show some solidarity and decline.

AdultHuman...
How about watching the free porn put up by couples willingly?
Then there is ethical porn produced by female directors...
If one decides to fight world moral corruption on this one dimension - there are other ways.

And - it’s sexist to assume only men watch it.

So many problems with porn really. It isn’t harmless and it I am really alarmed at how many people are so blasé.

A couple of my Exes used it and in different ways it wasn’t good for our relationship. Even without the whole exploitation debate and women being treated regularly for vaginal injuries etc... (and that’s what husbands are getting off on... )

• while I was pregnant my Ex withdrew a lot of affection for me and eventually stopped having sex with me. He had been increasingly ‘demanding’ sexually, wanting more frequent sex and blow jobs that did nothing for me. Later I found that he’d been watching and getting off on loads of porn while I was pregnant as in his words, ‘my body had changed’. I realized later that he must have started getting into porn at the time he became more selfish sexually.

• men going on for too long and finding it difficult to ejaculate and subsequently not a great sex life. Amongst my friends they all agreed that most men who watched porn were not great sexually. Either way, way too long as they’d effectively desensitised themselves, and sex felt like a performance and not that hot.

It’s not a big deal for me. I love a bit of porn and the dirtier the better but that’s just me. How you feel is your own business and you’re probably best to find somebody who fits in with your boundaries. I personally hate sports and could never be with somebody who played or went to sporting things every weekend. The thought makes my fanny dry up. So boring. So each to their own. You don’t have to be ok with it. Get rid and find somebody who feels as you do. There’s millions of people in this world!

Deal breaker for me. A horrible dehumanising industry, it’s destructive I don’t want it in my home or relationships.

It wouldn’t be for me. But it IS for you. No one else’s opinion matters.

Some people aren't understanding that the problem is that he has agreed with you not to do something and then gone behind your back and done it.

In this case it's porn but it could be anything really. You set the boundary, he lied to you when he agreed to it.

You are of course perfectly entitled to walk away from someone who promises to respect your boundaries and then tramples all over them.

It honestly doesn't bother me. I'd only have a problem with it if I felt he was becoming obsessed and it was affecting our intimacy together. The occasional viewing of porn as a masturbatory aid doesn't concern me at all.

I think the problem is trying to police what a grown man watches in his own time. There will always be the opportunity to watch porn when you’re completely unaware of it, some guys do it before a shower for example. He could do it behind your back for years.

Personally, I’ve just let the thought of it go completely. I know my DH watched it quite a lot when we first met because he had been single for quite a while. He doesn’t even have the chance to watch it half as much now but I know if he wanted to, he could and I guess that’s his choice. I don’t approve of it but i accept it’s something I can’t control.

It wouldn't be okay to have an orgasm from someone else pleasuring you from like I said earlier sexting/ webcams etc so why is porn considered to be so harmless and acceptable?

@ginny so your husband looks at women with natural bodies only? Or the usual stereotypically surgically enhanced young women seen in mainstream porn?

Josuk, I was specifically responding to previous posters asserting that men will watch porn no matter what. Of course women also indulge.