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Original poster

How would you feel if someone were dating did this?

75 replies

LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:12

Met someone just before Christmas, seen each other once a week ish since then. Not done the deed but have stayed over a couple of times. He’s not much of a texter (though is online a lot!).

He went on holiday last Thursday, he’s due back this Thursday and I haven’t heard from him. I saw him the day before he went away and as he usually says, he said he had a great time and was looking forward to seeing me again.

I feel hurt and annoyed if I’m honest that I’ve not heard from him! He’s away with friends but they are all coupled up, probably drinking most nights but it’s not like he’s 25 and going out raving all hours (as far as I know!). I know I could contact him but I felt like he should speak to me rather than me interrupt his trip. If he had contacted me I would have felt comfortable maybe initiating a text on a different day. Not sure what to think?!

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 27/01/2020 11:15

Personally I would feel a little hurt he hadn't even sent one message....maybe not the popular opinion, but I think he should have.

I wouldn't message him though first whilst he is on his holidays.

Aloe6 · 27/01/2020 11:16

I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’s that into you. When a man likes you, you’re left in no doubt about it. Interested men maintain good contact and want to chat to you.

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/01/2020 11:17

I'd think he wasn't into me much and a case of 'out of sight, out of mind.'
Unless you've both agreed to exclusivity, date others.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:17

Yeah that’s how I feel...I don’t want to text him while he is on holiday!

It’s made me feel like I’m a bit of a filler for when he has time, but when he’s having fun on holiday I’m not even considered!

As far as I’m aware I’m quite a relaxed person about dating and definitely don’t like to make demands or have contact rules when someone is away - it’s nice when that person gets back to hear about their time away. But no message at all has made me feel really shit and almost a bit used?!

OP posts:
Fml2015 · 27/01/2020 11:18

Just message him, and deal with whatever he does or doesn't say.
He then can't say...well you didnt message me either!

Scarsthelot · 27/01/2020 11:18

I would not message someone I was casually dating whilst away on holiday with friends.

Doesnt mean I am not bothered. I just like to be able to not worry about stuff like that when away.

I wouldnt expect contact if I was dating someone who was away.

3rdchristmaslucky · 27/01/2020 11:19

Just leave it alone and see how things are when he gets back.
Make sure to mention to him that you thought the zero communication was odd and ask why it was.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:19

I think I’d rather see whether he even speaks to me now. I feel like it’s already been a bit too long anyway for no text.

I’m not sure whether to raise it with him but it sounds shit doesn’t it...asking someone why they didn’t contact you is one sure way to make them feel even less like they want to!

OP posts:
michaelbaubles · 27/01/2020 11:22

So you met about a month ago and have only seen each other 4/5 times and not slept together? Honestly I wouldn't expect contact during a trip away. He might just be not that into you BUT it sounds like you're taking it slowly and he doesn't text much anyway so...I think this is fine.

I totally get feeling hurt, you wanted him to be thinking about you, but it sounds like you're just not there yet. You're not even in a relationship. Don't put too much onto something that at the moment is barely more than friendship - you wouldn't expect a friend of one month to text you when they were away!

Livandme · 27/01/2020 11:22

Sorry op, think he was keeping his options open. I'd just not contact him or not be available if he did get back in touch.
Hope you meet soneone nicer soon

Bellyfullofbiscuits · 27/01/2020 11:24

Honestly, how long does a quick text take. I know it is early days, but I would be hurt.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:25

It’s confusing because on the one hand I don’t want loads of contact while he is with friends. That would scream needy to me and I wouldn’t like it.

But on the other hand to not speak to me for nearly a week?! No photo of where he is, no looking forward to seeing you, no hope you’re having a good week etc. Just one text would be usual, no?

Maybe I’m reading into it but it’s made me irritated and I can’t ignore that.

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 27/01/2020 11:25

it's not good....he should have sent you a text!

Mammajay · 27/01/2020 11:36

Just text. Something short...how's the weather? And see what happens.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:39

I feel that it’s for him to text, being the one on holiday. I definitely didn’t expect chats everyday but a message here and there would have been nice.

I definitely feel like an option when he’s got spare time.

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 27/01/2020 11:39

Don't text! I think even if he replied you might feel instantly better but you would never know if he was thinking about you would you? That's just my opinion though.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:40

I agree. Not going to contact him. Just feel shit about it as I liked him.

OP posts:
Quarkiverse · 27/01/2020 11:41

He can't be bothered, isn't thinking of you, or had a fling on holiday. It's kind of immaterial whether a lack of contact would work for others on here. If you are looking for a man who'd be in touch while away for a week, then he isn't the one for you.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:43

Quick I’ve not been in the dating game for a while so I was wondering if my expectations were reasonable. We’ve only have 5 dates and two sleep overs so obviously we are not in a relationship. Usually we’d text a few times a week (nothing long, maybe a couple of exchanges).

OP posts:
Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:43

*quark!

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 27/01/2020 11:48

He's only away for 1 week.
Before mobile phones you wouldn't expect a call. He's probably having a great holiday and if he's any sense his phone will be turned off.

EstuaryBird · 27/01/2020 11:50

Which one of you usually initiates contact? He may feel that he does all the running and you’re not that into him.....

Leave him while he’s on holiday but when he’s back just text him and say hope you had great holiday, be good to see you. Then leave it at that, he’ll either reply or he won’t so you’ll have your answer.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:52

His phone isn’t off. He’s been online and also uploaded some photos.

I have a feeling if I text he would reply or if I text after he got back then he’d reply. But it’s not the point really. If I’m just someone he speaks to unless there’s something else better going on, then it doesn’t bode well does it

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 27/01/2020 11:52

Its an odd one. You barely know him so you could argue that he's on holiday so you shouldn't 'expect' contact. However, if you generally have had daily contact then I would probably also find it odd. He;s only been away 4 days though.
I would definitely wait for him to message first. I suspect he probably just doesn't feel the need to contact you while he's away with friends. If you don't hear anything when he gets back, you have your answer.

Original poster
LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:53

We don’t usually message daily but this is the longest we’ve not had a text exchange.

I’m sure he will be in touch but it doesn’t make me feel better than he’d text me after he’s been away.

OP posts: