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Relationships

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Original poster

How would you feel if someone were dating did this?

75 replies

LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 11:12

Met someone just before Christmas, seen each other once a week ish since then. Not done the deed but have stayed over a couple of times. He’s not much of a texter (though is online a lot!).

He went on holiday last Thursday, he’s due back this Thursday and I haven’t heard from him. I saw him the day before he went away and as he usually says, he said he had a great time and was looking forward to seeing me again.

I feel hurt and annoyed if I’m honest that I’ve not heard from him! He’s away with friends but they are all coupled up, probably drinking most nights but it’s not like he’s 25 and going out raving all hours (as far as I know!). I know I could contact him but I felt like he should speak to me rather than me interrupt his trip. If he had contacted me I would have felt comfortable maybe initiating a text on a different day. Not sure what to think?!

OP posts:

Thekindyoufindinasecondhand · 27/01/2020 11:58

Personally wouldn't worry me. I went on holiday when I first started dating DH, he didn't message me as didn't want to seem over the top and I didn't message him as I didn't want to seem like I was sat around thinking about him (even though I was!) Turns out we both missed each other loads..!!
I would wait till he has been back 24 hours and just send a text asking how his holiday was, if he doesn't reply you know where you stand but don't think it's all over by trying to guess what he's thinking as you really don't know!

Heismyopendoor · 27/01/2020 11:59

You sound really over invested and he sounds like he’s not that into you. Cut your losses.

Original poster

LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 12:02

That’s what I’m thinking heis

But then after only 5 dates maybe its usual that someone wouldn’t be invested yet. I just don’t know. It’s clear he’s not where I’m at though.

OP posts:

Robin2323 · 27/01/2020 12:31

You've just met really.
Just getting to know each other.
Just relax abs let it unfold.
Let him miss you.
Do your own thing.

Musti · 27/01/2020 12:38

Send him a text that you hope he's having a good time. Don't read anything too much into it especially as he doesn't normally message much.

Happityhap · 27/01/2020 12:38

You've said you won't text him, fine.

Stop the pointless fretting and see what happens when he gets back.

Boredofthisstagenow · 27/01/2020 12:39

I’d wonder if he was truly interested. If it was me I’d keep busy, maybe post about it on social media and not be immediately available when he got back. Then I’d find out if he was really interested by how hard he tried to plan a next date. If he didn’t try very hard... question answered.

thedancingbear · 27/01/2020 12:39

FFS. why does he have to text you? You've said he's not a great texter. Why can't you drop him a message?

Why does the man have to make all the running? it's not the 1950s.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 27/01/2020 12:45

You have expectations of him, but you never communicated them to him.

You're a few dates in, you havent had contact for 5 days, but you dont want to be the one to initiate it, you'll feel like an afterthought if he gets in touch when hes back, if you contact him first then you'll feel like he's not invested in you when he replies, but he's on holiday, said all the right things about looking forward to seeing you again etc before he left, so is clearly just busy and doesn't want to sit around texting.

The poor guy is an unwitting player in a game that you've created, and he cant win.

bangheadhere40 · 27/01/2020 12:51

I find the above replies sensible but a little harsh!

What is wrong with the OP wanting to know this guy is actually thinking of her? especially when he is online and can upload pics?

I was ghosted years ago, luckily I left it and never text again, but I got this sinking feeling too that something wasn't right!

HuskyloverI · 27/01/2020 12:53

So you've stayed over a few times, and in 5 weeks there's been no sex? Sounds like this has no spark.

TwentyViginti · 27/01/2020 12:53

I think Boredofthisstagenow has it. Busy yourself and don't be immediately available on his return. I was once only an 'option' for someone and it makes you feel shit.

bangheadhere40 · 27/01/2020 12:57

How do you know if you are just an option? or if you have different expectations though?

Original poster

LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 13:13

We’ve not had sex as I’m not ready for that. We’ve still be intimate! There’s definitely a spark between us in that department. He’s said he has no problem waiting and when it happens he thinks it will be amazing.

I don’t expect a conversation just a checking in. A photo or something. This just makes me feel like I’m good enough when there’s nothing better to do.

OP posts:

Straycatstrut · 27/01/2020 13:16

To be honest at this point in my life I'd just text "Hey, how's it going? You having a good time out there?" maybe make it a bit jokey if that's your thing.

I'm not interested in any of the games anymore. If I wanted to speak with him I'd text him. If he didn't respond for a couple of days THEN I'd start thinking "Well sod you then" I wouldn't chase him after that, it'd tell me all I needed to know.

Original poster

LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 13:17

The thing is straycat I do think he’d reply to a message. But all that tells me is I am chasing him.

OP posts:

PhilCornwall1 · 27/01/2020 13:17

Sorry op, think he was keeping his options open.

Of course he is after only a month or so and only meeting a handful of times.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 27/01/2020 13:21

Is he dating other people? Are you too?

PhilCornwall1 · 27/01/2020 13:24

I don’t expect a conversation just a checking in. A photo or something. This just makes me feel like I’m good enough when there’s nothing better to do.

But there is something better for him to do, he's on holiday with his friends enjoying himself.

The checking in comment is strange to me, considering you have admitted there is no relationship as such yet, you can have zero expectations of him.

Straycatstrut · 27/01/2020 13:25

I'd do the chasing. I'd just be like - I'm not sitting here wondering/worrying. Sod it, I'm going for it. If he likes me he'll let me know.

I just can't be doing with all the "who should be chasing who/texting first" faffing about. I didn't think men were into that either!

Original poster

LucieLoos2 · 27/01/2020 13:28

Not in a relationship no. So probably shouldn’t expect a text! I wasn’t dating others, not sure if he is. I probably will be by the weekend though

OP posts:

Sierra259 · 27/01/2020 13:29

It would bother me too, much as I would be aware of the fact there hadn't been that many dates, and there wasn't a relationship as such. Agree with pp's that if a guy is into you, he will make it obvious. I wouldn't message him now, possibly a quick "how was your holiday" when he's back, but no more than that. I feel for you, I hated when this happened when I was dating!

CousinKrispy · 27/01/2020 13:33

I think if it were still such early stages I wouldn't necessarily text if I were the one on holiday. When I'm on holiday it's usually with family and friends I don't get to see very often, and I'm very busy with them and very much experiencing the moment.

If it were a full-on relationship, of course I'd be sending messages, but you're not at that stage yet.

It sounds like this is really making you unhappy, though, so you need to either ditch him, have an honest talk with him about your expectations, or just decide for yourself it's not such a big deal at this stage in the relationship yet.

AlexaAmbidextra · 27/01/2020 13:34

There was a lot to be said for the good old days before mobile phones. You went on your fortnights holiday and didn’t speak to anyone back home until you returned. No expectations, no disappointment, no problems.

TigerDater · 27/01/2020 13:41

Not exclusive yet, neither inclined to keep each other engaged while apart - it’s too early to call, just see what happens, but I would say it’s all a bit ‘meh’ on both sides

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