Would this be a deal breaker for you?

[Fuckmyliferightnow]

If you thought for a year that your DP was cheating on you because he was being secretive and shady with his phone, then he confesses he's addicted to porn.

Then says it's porn and nothing else, but you manage to drag it out of him the next day that he has messaged other girls on Snapchat, only a handful of times "apparently".

I've been lied to and gaslighted quite badly for the last year at least, despite his blatant sneakiness. The lengths he went to were ridiculous.

Then when he confesses, breaks down and says it's due to stress and depression and that it has been a distraction from his shit life and job.

He has lied to my face and made me look crazy.
Oh and he's an arsehole in general but again this is down to mental health and being addicted to porn.

He didn't want me to know because he was ashamed.

WWYD?

I’d get rid immediately.

Just the porn would be a deal breaker.

Yes, these days it would be a dealbreaker for me. Life is too fucking short, and gaslighting is a Nope.

He's minimising & gaslighting you. Listen to your gut and get rid.

LTB

I'd wonder why I'd been with him so long. I wouldn't invest any more time in the relationship and would make plans to leave asap. I'd work on my self esteem and boundaries, perhaps look at some kind of therapy in order to understand why I stayed with someone with so little respect for me. I'd do what I could to move on.

Oh god, how awful for you.

Never mind taking zero responsibility, or messaging other people it's this bit:
He has lied to my face and made me look crazy

It's so... deliberate.
The trust would be gone and I couldn't live with the constant nagging doubt.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Which mental illness is he using as his excuse for being an arsehole?

I think you know the answer, OP.

Absolute dealbreaker because of the lying, gaslighting and generally being an arsehole. Porn use doesn't bother me but it would if my partner was addicted to it and it affected our relationship.

He sounds horrible OP, I'm sorry.

Yes, if I were in your shoes I'd get walking.

What would I do? Leave him pronto. No question. He sounds beyond awful, OP... .I can't believe you even need to ask. I'm very sorry that whatever he's made you believe, has you questioning yourself in this way. But he sounds a sorry excuse of a man, and really, you deserve much, MUCH better. You really do.

Porn alone would be a deal breaker for me. But even if it wasn’t, the lying would be.

LTB. Don’t know why you’d even consider any other option!

You can't believe a word he says. Leave

Don’t waste any more time on him OP, you deserve more than this.

If he felt the need to hide it then it is not a very good relationship

Time apart to see how you feel. Then you’ll probably ltb.

What was his last relationship like? Porn destroys relationships and destroys that persons ability to have a healthy relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if his last relationship was a car crash due to his porn addiction, but no doubt she was branded "a crazy ex" or something along those lines.

The gas lighting is the worse part. It's awful when it's all turned round onto you when it's him who was triggering you.

I hope all the puzzle pieces are fitting together for you to know what to do. Stay and support but never fully trusting him, or leave and save your sanity.

Nothing you have said about him would have me staying in that relationship

Life is far far too short to be wasted in relationships with me who treat you as an idiot and make you feel awful.

Why do it?
Don’t you think you deserve honesty and love and fidelity?

What he has done re porn and snapchat is enough but to blatantly and repeatedly lie and make you feel awful for asking him- unforgivable.

I left my husband for basically the same. Run for the hills and don't look back - the gaslighting that comes with a porn addiction is heartbreaking

I'd leave. Hes going to keep.on hurting you. Find someone else x

Been in the exact same situation. Exactly everything you've said. Get rid immediately. I gave mine chances. It got worse, he got better at lying. It made me feel crazy. I'm now happily divorced from him and he is still a lying selfish porn addict with 'mental health' issues which he is now using as his excuse to not work and avoid paying support.

Run and don't look back. You don't need or want a life of misery that being with someone like that will cause.

If you thought for a year that your DP was cheating on you because he was being secretive and shady with his phone

TBH I’m not sure why you didn’t just get rid a year ago when this all started. How long have you been together? Any children? If this is a relatively new relationship with no children, I’d be out the door. If you’ve been together for twenty year or have children together it might be worth trying to make it work, but he would need to a) accept he has been completely out of line, and stop blaming it on “MH”, and b) realise he’s skating in extremely thin ice - I’d have a very low bar for dumping him in future if there was any backsliding.