Would this be a deal breaker for you?

[Fuckmyliferightnow]

If you thought for a year that your DP was cheating on you because he was being secretive and shady with his phone, then he confesses he's addicted to porn.

Then says it's porn and nothing else, but you manage to drag it out of him the next day that he has messaged other girls on Snapchat, only a handful of times "apparently".

I've been lied to and gaslighted quite badly for the last year at least, despite his blatant sneakiness. The lengths he went to were ridiculous.

Then when he confesses, breaks down and says it's due to stress and depression and that it has been a distraction from his shit life and job.

He has lied to my face and made me look crazy.
Oh and he's an arsehole in general but again this is down to mental health and being addicted to porn.

He didn't want me to know because he was ashamed.

WWYD?

Dealbreaker. He'd be out.

secretive
shady with his phone
confesses he's addicted to porn
messaged other girls on Snapchat, only a handful of times - yeah right. There's probably a whole lot more.
says it's due to stress and depression and that it has been a distraction from his shit life and job - didn't he try and blame you?

He has lied to my face and made me look crazy. - bastard

He didn't want me to know because he was ashamed. and so he should be.

WWYD?
I would walk away without delay. I wouldn't waste another minute on him.

Absolutely a dealbreaker, but I think you know that. It just doesn't make it any less heartbreaking going through with it. But you have to go through with it or your self confidence will be ground down further and further.

You poor thing, how are you doing? Stupid question I know. Are you managing to eat? Remember to drink water, I forgot when I was devastated and had fainting etc. Are you able to sleep? If not, go to the GP and ask them for some short term help with that. You must look after your basic needs not forget about them.

Can you speak to any friends or family? You need a cuddle from someone lovely, to call him a cunt to them and rant about it all, have a good cry and start planning next steps. Having someone or a couple of people to support you is so important.

And if you don't have those people I'm real life', the MN army is here

Thank you.

It's a dealbreaker for me mostly because he's been msging other girls and lying and using piss poor excuses.

He really is pinning it all on stress, depression and anxiety.

I have looked into leaving recently because of his moodiness, I have to get loads sorted and get some money saved.

We've been together 11 years and have a 9 YO together. We jointly own our house but not married. I earn pennies and he is paid better than me.

Another red flag is he spends money on seemingly nothing and am questioning sex workers. He gets lots of money out in cash and it disappears. He denies this.

Another red flag is he spends money on seemingly nothing and am questioning sex workers. He gets lots of money out in cash and it disappears. He denies this.

The snapchat girls will be prostitutes, it's almost guaranteed. It's unlikely they would continue to message a non-paying-customer.

The porn wouldn’t be a deal breaker but everything else you’ve said would be

If it’s not on the porn or sex workers it’s drugs, so sorry @Fuckmyliferightnow.

Have you got a plan for ending the relationship safely? Will he try and do a sob story remorseful act and minimise or gaslight saying it’s somehow down to you?

He’s an utter piece of work.

Drop him like he’s hot.

LTB

Run for the hills

Thank you, your replies are really helping me see what I know deep down.

He has told so many lies and used every excuse under the sun for his behaviour over the last year, it's been hell.
But now I'm in a stronger position he is acting the victim and giving me puppy eyes.

I do have a friend I have confided in, which is a huge help being able to vent.

I just don't believe my life has come to this just because of a porn habit, there is more, I can feel it.

Thank you all, I'm glad I posted.

He really is pinning it all on stress, depression and anxiety.

Right, are you stressed depressed and anxious right now? I assume so on account of how much he has let you down.

And are you speaking to other men? Gaalighting your husband? Lying to him constantly? Telling him you've had a shit life together?

No, because depression, stress and anxiety doesn't excuse someone being an unapologetic cunt.

I have bipolar and periods of severe depression. I don't do such hurtful things. And even if I did I would respect my partner to be totally within their rights to leave me for doing them.

Don't let him play you x

Definitely get rid of him.

@YasssKween I have OCD and depression, he said when I was "going through a bad patch" he supported me
I never treated him like shit.

He says the porn is a symptom of a bigger problem. More gaslighting.

Ugh!

He keeps saying, "it's just porn", well if that's how you feel about it, why would you lock yourself away and hide it, if it's "just porn"? Love!

I think you have to look at it like this.

He is choosing to do things that upset you, knowing they upset you to the point that you consider them dealbreakers.

He has chosen those things. So the deal is broken.

He lied about those things (not just porn but girls on Snapchat like a fucking teenager etc) because he knew this would be the consequence. To him, those things were worth the risk.

So you need to follow through and leave. You'll be so much happier not having someone drain your energy and confidence like this

The porn wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me...but this would

Oh and he's an arsehole in general

If someone's MH means they treat me like crap...then it's not the relationship for me...because it would start affecting my own MH... no man is worth that.

Get rid

We're it's not 'just porn'! That's gaslighting in itself!

It's lying
Talking to other women.
Taking family money where?
Taking no responsibility.
Being an arsehole.

The porn us almost irrelevant.

@GroggyLegs that's exactly right.

He has sobbed and laid on the guilt trips so hard.

I'll never be able to believe anything he says again or trust him.

He has called me cunt in the past and said he would cheat on me if I didn't give him more sex.

I am exhausted from it all now.

Thanks ladies (and gents).

Actually I'd like to hear what a sensible man has to say about this

There seem to be quite a lot of deal breakers OP!

I wouldn't tolerate the porn on it's own

But the lying, contacting other women (prostitutes), gaslighting, abuse? Get away from him and you'll see so much more clearly that you need to free. I wouldn't be surprised if your mental health improves too.

Heartbreaking for you but if Snapchats to other girls (probably more) it would be a dealbreaker for me. You know you will have ups nd down days and it will get easier as time passes x

💐🍷🍰

OP

Move on.
You rightly sound done.
Protect yourself and your health.
💐

I’ve been there. Run!