Hello everyone,
I'm really upset and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't even know if I'm looking for a solution or just want to rant. A bit of both actually, and I was wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing,.
I'll try to simplify this all, but sorry if it's long.
I moved in with my in-laws a few months ago.
I didn't want to move in but we had to for financial reasons. I was upset about it when we decided to leave, but my husband assured me that everything would be fine, and that things would stay the same between us. I was mostly concerned with decreasing time between us, him always wanting to spend time with them, and also our sex life, as well as them dictating when we do in our spare time, and giving him jobs to do. I wanted to be able to look after him as well - by making him breakfast on the weekend and cooking for him. He reassured me that everything would be ok, and that if there were any issues he would resolve them and make me happy.
Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike his parents, but I'm finding it really hard to live with them.
Our sex life is ok, and has't really changed. But the amount of time I spend with him has. It's not really quality time, and it's nearly always interrupted by his parents having to talk to us about something or needing him to do a DIY task around the house.
We don't have time just to relax with eachother, in the mornings after waking up we used to chat but now he just runs up and is offered breakfast by his parents and takes it up. I feel sad because as we both work we used to have breakfast together on the weekend and I used to make it for him. Now I'm worried that whatever is cooked by anyone else he'll want to eat and I won't have that feeling of pride anymore.
I feel as though I can't look after him as much as I would like to. I've spoken to him about this and he doesn't understand. He thinks I just want him to eat the same thing as me. In a way yes I do, because I think it's nice to do that, but it's also nice to feed someone and relax over food. Now we hardly eat together, and his mum expects to cook and clean for him, and my father in law told me 'well realistically how much time will you get to cook anyway because you are studying after work'. Which isn't really fair as that's my business.
I feel irritated as well because there was an incident where my father in law thought I wasn't home and came into the bedroom without knocking ( he wanted to speak to my husband). Normally we lock the door but hadn't that time. I felt irritated and told my husband this, but he said that don't worry these things happen, and I said no not really - I could have been getting changed.
The washing machine hadn't been plugged in and I left our washing downstairs in front of the machine, waiting for father in law to wake up and plug it in for me. Meanwhile I went out, and when I came back the washing was sorted out - some clothes had been taken out and set aside - and mother in laws had added clothes and she had put the wash load on. I told them both later that they should have just left it, and what they suggested to me was to not leave it downstairs as they like to be extra helpful. I just feel uncomfortable because I didn't leave it there for fun. I was waiting for them, and i feel like I should be able to leave things without them being touched as it's my home as well. This also happened with a bag of toiletries and shampoo items I had. They had sorted them out into boxes for me, and didn't even understand that I just wanted them left there. I mean I don't go through there things and as soon as I ask them not to its "im sorry we were just being helpful". Which I understand but they keep doing it and my husband doesn't take my side.
I have a house cat as well, and my in-laws always make comments about how he's bored inside and should be outside chasing mice.
When they know that I have a phobia of mice because they are dirty. Me and my husband decided that he would be an indoor cat - I've told them this and to please stop making comments about this, ,but they don't stop. It's irritating me and I feel like just giving my cat away,
My food had also been eaten, and that was my lunch for the week which I pre-brought. I was irritated because the main items such as bread eggs and milk, sharing that is ok, but stuff that I use individually every day is not, as I'll have to go out and buy that again because I'll need it for lunch at work.
It's irritating though.. for example if I buy a packet of crisps and dip to eat on a day when i want to relax and watch a film, and its already half eaten and gobbled it puts me off.
As usual husband didn't understand and just said to me don't worry i'll just get more. I said its not about that, its about convenience, I buy this stuff so I don't have to go and buy it everyday after work because that's a waste of time.
I'm just used to my own personal space, and own clean kitchen and not seeing them everyday. I dread going downstairs now - I spend most of my time in my room.
I feel upset because I feel like he spends all his time doing jobs with his dad or drinking tea with his parents. There's never any time to have a coffee with me anymore... it just seems like they are favoured the most. I feel really upset here and I want to leave but we don't have enough money. My in-laws have said that they'll buy my husband a house after a year, I know it's generous of them but i` don't really want to owe them any favours, they may however buy one right next door which I don't want. I'm not sure when they'll buy also, it's meant to be in a years time - but what scares me is if were stuck here for longer than a year. I just don't know what to do.
I just feel like second best and can't seem to get comfortable here. I don't feel like myself and I don't know how to feel better as no one is listening to me or caring about how I feel, I feel really trapped. I really love my husband but he seems to be blinded. I feel like a piece of fluff on the side. I just want things to go back to how they were before. I don't actually have any children yet, and I have no friends and family to visit. I can't seem to make any too, have tried online etc. Honestly I feel so upset and it's not getting better.