Told I am to blame for his suicide attempt

[Chilli21]

I was told by my ex that I was the reason for his suicide attempt. I think he’d had counselling that day and had been encouraged to be honest with everyone as a lot of his friends & work colleagues don’t know that he tried to kill himself last October. I am so hurt, angry, upset, ashamed & I just don’t know what to do with myself, it keeps going round in my head.

Last October he went missing for a day after we had a row. I realised after he’d gone for a couple of hours that he’d left his keys, car keys, wallet, phone etc. I was beside myself with worry & didn’t know what to do. He eventually returned soaking wet as it had been raining all day, he went and had a bath, put dry clothes on and then came and started having a go at me for not caring that he wanted to die. I said something like ‘don’t make me laugh, you’re not serious’ out of anger & then he proceeded to throw a lot of tablets on the floor & started to take them. I called an ambulance because he would not stop. Ex says that my response ‘don’t make me laugh’ pushed him over the edge as he was crying out for help.

I became really upset and angry with him when he told me this. I feel like a really crap person & am also really worried that whatever I have said this time will have made him try to kill himself again.

Does anyone have any words of advice for me? I feel so terrible.

Exactly, the whole performance was designed to make you feel guilty
he doesn't want to die, what he wants is for you to know that he nearly died and for you to believe that if he had died it would be your fault.

Had he actually died he would not have the satisfaction of observing the effects of his accusation upon you, he wants to stick around so he can enjoy your suffering
#Fuckthatshit

Don't let him contact you through the children because he will use them to manipulate you if you have to be in contact with him I would suggest having only one channel open such as an email address that you only use to communicate with him
Keep all communications business like and polite, think of him as a co-worker that you dislike but with whom you need to co-operate

I bet his therapist never said that.

It's not your fault, my ex repeatedly did this, he eventually accepted we were over, I reduced all contact, he collected dc from an activity or school and did likewise for drop off. He continued to threaten suicide with subsequent gfs, and he actually succeeded, however I truly believe as well as latest gf and pf that he didn't mean to kill himself just a fatal game of chicken. I feel no guilt and dc are doing better without him. Not your concern one jot

You have no evidence that his therapist said anything other than what he told you.

^^ This. Even if it was said, there was possibly some relevant context such as, "You feel..." It's not unusual for therapists to mirror a statement and then unpack it to see if it's reality-based or a perception. It's not unknown for some abusive personalities to strip the nuance, IYSWIM and use it in an attempt to manipulate others.

Ok so his therapist encouraged him to be honest with people
If he was honest he might say that his suicide attempt was motivated by desire to punish other people
But he has twisted that into 'it's your fault that I tried to commit suicide'
those two things are not the same!

Cross posted with Aaron and yes that sums it up what he did was to 'strip the nuance'
(Aka 'spin it into something completely different')

It wasn't a suicide attempt. It was emotional blackmail. It doesn't matter what he says about you. He's someone from your past you need out of your life.

Drama Llama, tell him to fuck off.

It’s a shame his counselling isn’t supporting him to be more honest with himself and take more responsibility.

OP, you are in a horrible situation, he is definitely using this to emotionally black mail you

Would you benefit from counselling if your own?

This is nothing to do with you! He’s a manipulative controlling piece of shit. Cut him off and don’t speak to him again. X

'Oh, piss off, you pathetic little piece of shit'. With a laugh.

He can tell you whatever he wants. It's bollocks. He's just trying to claim back the power over you he lost when you didn't respond how he wanted you to at the time.

Ok so his therapist encouraged him to be honest with people
If he was honest he might say that his suicide attempt was motivated by desire to punish other people
But he has twisted that into 'it's your fault that I tried to commit suicide'

This.

It was not a suicide attempt. It was also not a cry for help. It was bullying, pure and simple.

And rather offensive to those of us who have had to deal with genuine suicide attempts, or suicide attempts as genuine cries for help among our nearest and dearest.

He is playing games with you, ignore ignore and then ignore some more.

Do not let him contact you through the children. That is giving him the opportunity to emotionally manipulate and damage them for his own ends, and to add yet anther layer of guilt onto you via the children.

His therapist may have said that he should be honest with himself, but he isn't listening is he. He's playing games with his therapist too! No professional therapist would have encouraged him to blame someone else for his own suicide attempt.

Have a look at the the Freedom Programme, you can do it on line. You badly need to break out of the emotional headlock this man has trapped you in.

My XH was exactly the same. Controlling through mind games, depression and "suicide" attempts by overdosing on paracetamol. I refused to go for couple counselling because by then i had just had enough and wasnt interested in saving the marriage. The counseller apparently said to him, "Well no wonder you are depressed, she sounds awful, she wont even support you enough to come here with you!" I dont believe for one minute that this is what the counseller told my XH and i dont believe your H counseller said that to him either. It is just manipulation. Leave and be happy. It is the best thing i have ever done and im 9 yrs down the line now xx

Suicide attempts by overdosing on paracetamol
Dear God Tana his liver must be completely mangled by now 😳

@UYcuti Pretty sure he never took enough to do any damage but over time i know the build up can cause irepairable damage. I know he was warned at the hospital after one attempt that this could happen (XSIL told me) but i honestly dont think he was taking large amounts, just telling people he had to get attention. Fortunately i am well rid!

Logic tells me he is the unreasonable one but he’s really good at making me doubt myself, especially as he mentioned he’d seen his counsellor. He phrased things differently, used a different tone of voice, almost talking down to me and kept repeating his actions were a cry for help, which he feels I laughed at.

I know he will never take responsibility for his actions. I was so used to putting everything right. I don’t think he can see that this not repairable. I blocked his calls & blocked him on social media because I can’t bear the worry of communicating with him and wondering if I said the wrong thing to tip him over the edge.

🌷

Don’t fall for his bullshit.

That was NOT a suicide attempt, it was just a way to control & manipulate you. He was NEVER in danger of succeeding while he did that IN FRONT OF YOU!

How old are your children?

He’s either lying about what his therapist said, or completely misunderstanding the process. HONESTY would need to start by accepting HE didn’t try to commit suicide!

He’s your EX - stop buying into his manipulation & control

That wasn’t a suicide attempt though. Just ignore him, this kind of thing is a common form of emotional abuse.

'My therapist said' means nothing. It's likely he's making it all up from wholecloth.

You are not a terrible person. No-one MAKES someone else kill themselves, it's pretty impossible. He is manipulating you, as you realise, just ignore and move on. Even if he was seriously suicidal - or even succeeded - you are still not responsible.
It's hard not to keep worrying about it but please don't be drawn in, you need to move on....

and kept repeating his actions were a cry for help, which he feels I laughed at. tell him he needs to look for someone else to help because you are his ex and it isn’t appropriate any more.