How did you go on when your parents passed ?

[Werkinggirl]

For those of you whose parents have passed or one of your parents. Mine are both still alive, but getting older, life is short and that time will come. I'm incredibly close to mine, also have a younger brother (12 years younger) who I care dearly about. I worry about anything happening to them and I don't think i'd be able to go on living if they went. I'm single with no children either so I would have nobody.

Oh and my father died when I was very small so I have no memory of him. The one overwhelming thought I had though was 'I'm an orphan'

My dad died last year, aged 62. I often struggle and it can be difficult to put in to words or even process how I feel. Other days I function like nothing happened.

My sister and I were my dad's entire world so what keeps me going is making sure I live my life to the full and in a way that would make him proud. Losing my dad so young was the worst thing I've ever gone through and I wish it hadn't happened, however, I do think in some ways it's changed me for the better. I'm learning to appreciate life - it's too short to get caught up in negativity and things that don't matter; I try to make the most of every opportunity; and have learned the importance of looking after myself and doing things that make me happy. My dad had an amazing zest for life and I'm sure he had no regrets so I know he wouldn't want his death to stop me living my life and enjoying it as much as he enjoyed his.

I was very sad when my Father died but shed not one tear when my horrible Mother died. Two of my siblings refused to attend her funeral. Both my parents lived lived till late 80’s.

My mother died very suddenly a number of years ago. It was a shock to me. In all honesty some days I forget that she died, other days I forget that she even existed. I suppose you just get used to the new normal. Not very comforting but just the way it is unfortunately. Not worth worry about while someone is still alive.

I lost my mum suddenly when I was only 17 and she was 46. It was incredibly hard. You never get over it but very slowly with lots of bumps along the way you start to live with it. I am much older now and lost my father 2 years ago whom I had a difficult relationship with although I cared about him. I now feel orphaned and that has been difficult to get used to. But you do, you have to, I have my own children and you focus on the next stage of your life. Not always easy but that's the way it is. You just get on with things.

I lost my dad when I was 21. My brother was only 11.

There are 5 of us siblings. 4 girls and 1 boy.

He only walked one of us down the aisle. Only met 2 of his grandchildren.

I'm 42 now, but it still pricks at the poignant moments, but you do learn to deal.

If your gran is in her 80s, I'm assuming your parents are relatively young.

You sound quite young yourself. Get yourself out there. Don't dwell on the what ifs, the where and when's - it really is a waste of your life and an unproductive use of time.

Fill your life with hobbies and positive things.

My dad died in an accident right before my 30th birthday. One day he was here and helping me plan a party, the next he was not.

It was horrendous, like a physical pain. In the aftermath I went to a lot of extremes. Anger, excessive behaviours, utter despair. I remember once driving the car and suddenly thinking, what would happen if I just didn't stop and drove off the road? It shocked me as I had never entertained thoughts like that before.

Time however did it's thing. The pain doesn't really go but you learn to live with it. It was several years ago now and while I think of him often, it's not all the time. I have lovely memories and lots of things still remind me/us of him.

I wonder what he would have done or how he would have reacted to certain.situations/news. We would have argued about Brexit! I am gutted at all he has missed. He never lived to see his DGC etc.

He was a big believer in living life to the full and I try to embrace that too. And I look just like him...!

My father died nearly 30 years ago. I still get feelings of sadness and I do still miss him, not as much as in the beginning. Special times were hardest (when I got married, or had a my baby - he never got to see that ) but while the pain never truly goes away, it does ease over time.

My dad died when he was 46 - I was 26. Teenage married parents.

Honestly it was horrific - unexpected - here one day gone the next. Very sudden. It took us all a long time. 13-14 years on my sibling and I struggle to talk about him together but we will over WhatsApp. I think my sibling has a form of PTSD after the loss.

But the pain is less - life has moved on so much. We’ve had other losses in between.

We enjoy the here and now. Life changes - the gap remains - but it gets smaller. You are changed irrevocably but life is valuable and you learn to enjoy again.

I think if your parents die relatively young or suddenly, it's much harder. For both my parents, their death was a blessing. My dad had Parkinson's and the dementia that came with it. When he died at age 75, he was non verbal, completely unable to care for himself in any way, no longer there as a person. When my mum died last year, she was 4 days off being sectioned for alcohol-related dementia. My Dsis and I have grieved for them, but in their cases death was an end to misery. That helps a little.

Both my parents died just weeks apart in 2017, I was an only child and I was pregnant at the time. Mum was 70 and Dad was 75. I was 33. It was without any doubt the worst thing that has ever happened. We were really close and I miss them both so much.
You just have to cope I guess.

I think you have to try and live in the day.

A friend of mine died at 43 leaving a small child and her husband behind. When she was dying (and it was the 'worst' sort of death anyone can imagine) she said several interesting things.

But one I'll always remember is that really, today is the only day that anyone truly knows that they will have. Anything can happen. Bad things happen to good people, young people, to everyone. Try and live in the moment.

RIP S.

I'm single and childfree as well

My dad is gone, I still have my mum.

I suppose things aren't as you might expect....his illness prior to his death was horrendous and that bothers me much more than his death.

On a daily basis, I wasn't hugely involved with him so it's been more that waves of emotion hit hard every so often. Also, looking after my widowed mum - emotionally - is harder than I thought it would be. It's not that I thought she would cope better, it's that I thought I would cope better with a grieving parent than I have been able to.

Honestly, my advice would be - don't think about it! Because you can't anticipate what will happen or whether it will have more or less of an effect than you expect.

I lost both parents to cancer within 6 months of eachother. I was 21 years old. I'm now 27 and it's devastated my life. I feel sad every day and can't move forwards. Please just cherish them while you still have them. I lie awake at night wishing I'd done more things with them, hugged them, told them I loved them. I havent got that chance now.

Sorry probably not what you want to hear but it's the truth!

Hug them tell them you love them while they are alive. My parents are now both dead. Father died suddenly my, mother lingered til it was a blessing when it was all over for her.

I feel it's now it my responsibility to make the life they gave me a good life , to enjoy it

One consolation is to consider the alternatives: losing a child must be so very, very hard.

oof Finally

awful wording. I've reported to MNHQ. Nothing wrong with your post but that final sentence...oh dear.

My father died 25 years ago (unexpectedly, and not a nice, easy death) and my mum died 8 years ago (cancer, so was more expected.) They were both relatively young (56 and 67).

You cope....because you have to. It wasn't easy but eventually you come through.

I found being an ''orphan'' weird even though I was 44!

I still think of them daily, and have little conversations with them in my head (eg my mum would read anything and everything on the Royal Family....I imagine what she would make of Megxit.) Or sometimes I'd see a film/read a book/hear music and think ''oh mum or dad would have liked that.''

I didn't find anything wrong with Finally's post???

DM died 5 years ago in her 90s, after suffering from dementia for several years. She would cry when she woke in the mornings as she just wanted to die, so when she did, with all her children with her, it was almost as though her last breath was a sigh of relief.
We were glad that she was no longer suffering, but we all miss her, and personally I always remember her as she was before her illness. I have daily conversations with her in my head, and my love for her is as still strong as ever.
DF died more than 40 years ago, when I was young and self-absorbed. Plus he was typical of men of his generation in that children were their mother's business so I only had a couple of years of relating to him as an adult. It still look decades before I could say I stopped missing him.

I lost my mum aged only 67 a few weeks ago, funeral is next week. It was sudden and unexpected, and it hurts so much.
One sibling is burying head in sand, one is back at work, and I'm the other, signed off work, spending all my time looking after my dad. I have to go back after the funeral and I honestly don't even know how life goes on.
I won't pretend she was my best friend etc, but she was everything to me and I'll never get over it, not at all, but I guess it gets easier although it feels like it never will.
I'm so mad about it all. Its something that's always there in the back of your mind and like others have said it's the right order, but man, just for one more year with her

My lovely ex-grandmother-in-law is 95 and had to go to her daughter's funeral at age 88. I think that's the kind of thing Finally is referring to, @AutumnRose1.

I lost both my parents to cancer, dad was early 60's and Mum late 20's, it feels so wrong and now I'm alone but not has been 6 years since dad passed and it's still raw some days.

Yes, maybe I’m over sensitive. I guess I was just really conscious that after watching people bury their children, the statement that it might be a “consolation” to think about that was a bit...unpleasant. And there are obviously many posters here who have buried their children.

I do know what Finally means. After burying friends in their 20s, who were killed in horrific circumstances, and watching their parents have to go through all that, I was probably better prepared for dads death than if I’d not gone through that.

But it was also a massive trigger for what I saw in the past. So as the post hasn’t been deleted, I speak freely. It’s not as bad to lose a father who nearly hit 80 and had a good life, no. But the word “consolation” - ugh.

Do I say to someone with a health problem “oh well, it could be worse”?

No.

Absolute fucking state of MN these days.

I lost my Dad when he was just 53 , and I was 3 months pregnant with my 2nd.
My mum was in 2013. I was an only child so it felt weird to think I have no-one to share those family ' Can you remember when ? ' moments .
I can only say that in time you realise that life does go on. But in a different way .

Death is hard to talk about. It's hard to find the right wording.