Please help me to sleep in bed with my DP

[Rosequartz7]

I'm a really light sleeper and he snores, that the main thing.
I was on my own with DS for 9 years before he moved in, so only got woken up by insomnia from anxiety which is now much better, DS coming in for a bit when he was younger, or if he was ill, but hes now 12 so have been sleeping okay for years and I'm used to my own space at night.
Currently its ended up DP or I sleep in the spare room every night, we try sleeping together sometimes but within about 30 mins I'm in the spare room as he breathes and snores loudly
We're buying our first home together - a flat with 2 bedrooms and a tiny lounge so we will have to sleep together imminently.
We've tried:
Me: lavender oil, sleeping tablets (make me dopey for work so not great) CBD oil, ear plugs, saving for a weighted blanket.
Him: GP for nose spray, one of those head strap things that keep your mouth shut, nose strips,various things that go up his nostrils, antihistamines, asking for nose surgery as he cant breathe well lying down (his neck isnt big enough and he's not overweight at all so they said he isnt allowed) he has been so good.
I love him dearly and just want to sleep in with him every night.
Has anyone got any advice? Will try anything!

I use white noise to drown him out but if it’s a big snore fest that won’t work.

Download the Rain Rain app - it's great!

My dad snores like a warthog, they tried the nasal strips and then my mum read something about vitamin D and he started taking it and it actually helped!

aNonnyMouse1511 is that on earphones or play it in the room? Struggling to find earphones that dont fall out. It gets REALLY loud, yes, wakes me from the spare room at times!

Wow, never heard of the vitamin D thing Sleepycat91, thanks, will pick some up today!

If he can't breathe very well lying down, then I would keep sending him back to the doctor. Something is seriously not right there!!

That aside, I'd say send him into the spare room and make sure everyone gets a good sleep. You don't need to share a bed to have a strong relationship.

Have figured out why he snores?

Thanks Fatted, he keeps going back and they keep giving him different medication, which isn't doing anything, unfortunately.
As he is not overweight, and doesn't have a big neck (they measured it!) he doesn't meet criteria for ear nose and throat referral, which is crazy cause he has always had sinus problems, and has narrow nose passageways further up in his nose.

I'd get the gp to look into sleep apnea if he cant breathe well lying down.
And try wax ear plugs.
They are amazing! I use them every night.
Dense enough to stop husbands snoring irritating me too much, yet I can still hear small over the baby monitor.

Buy somewhere with 3 bedrooms instead if you can manage it. There's nothing wrong with sleeping apart, my husband and I never sleep in the same bed, both sleep really well.

RantyAnty he cant really breathe through his nose lying down. He has got into the habit of breathing through his mouth. It's so loud, I asked him if it was okay to record him and used this snore app to show a nights noise, he was quite shocked.
It's okay at the moment with separate rooms but we are moving soon and I'm so worried. Will probably just be on the floor in the lounge every night :(

We can't really afford 3 beds at the moment in the area DS needs to be in for school, we are currently renting a dangerous shed of a house off dodgy landlords and need to move as they put rent up a third (another story) and cant afford to rent a decent 3 or even 2 bed in area, and can only afford a tiny 2 bed flat where we need to be. When we can afford 3 beds we will be on it in a few years when we can move further out and DS doesn't need to be in catchment.. this is us for a few years now as we are about to complete on flat.

Why have you bought a 2 bedroom flat when you can't sleep in the same room because of his snoring?

Can you get a really comfortable sofa bed for him in the living room?

Headphones, boring podcast

Has he tried a Sleepguard/Snoreguard? It's one he will need to put in his mouth and like a mouth shield. That was the only thing which worked for my ex.

If he doesn't test positive for sleep apnoea, but is definitely up for further investigations, I'd agree with the PP and make sure you get a good sofa bed for when you move.

If he isn't a smoker/drinker/overweight, then there has to be something causing this. At least he is willing to work with you to sort the issue out. I the meanwhile I think you have to accept sleeping separately will be a temporary measure. Good luck.

Mouthguard, not the off the shelf things but custom made by a dentist. Not cheap but worth every penny. DH has a sleepwell device and it's made an incredible difference. Previously we had tried everything including 2 lots of surgery as well as all the straps, strips, sprays, pillows etc.

Has he been checked for nasal obstruction or sleep apnea?

You can get noise cancelling sleep headphones but they are really expensive

Why are snorers ALWAYS the first to fall asleep

I think you need to go back to the GP and re-prase what you are complaining about. Medics see snoring as trivial. If you said he can't breathe when laying down that would have them referring him surely?

I bought some bluetooth sleep headphones from Amazon (about £20) and I listen to sleep music on Spotify when the snoring gets too bad, I am waiting on a weighted blanket to help but have found 2 duvets (one on top of the other) really helps. For me it's not the level of sound but the constant repetitive noise that drives my already overloaded brain insane. I've also cut out all (bar one) cups of caffeine a day and I try to go to sleep when my body tells me I'm tired and not stay up and watch crap!

Me and my husband of 7years have never slept in the same room, partly because of shift work, but also, we just can’t sleep together! We are very happily married though. We even factor it in when we book holidays etc.

My daughter (5) who’s just started going around her friends houses for tea etc came hone one day and said “friends mummy and daddy SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM!!!” As if it was completely insane!

We’ve explained that, actually, we are the unusual ones. But it’s nothing to worry about, we love each other very much. We just sleep better in different rooms.

I genuinely can’t remember the last time we woke up together in the same bed. Probably in the first few months of being together.

If he's snoring when breathing through his mouth, any treatment for his nose is not going to work as it's the relaxed soft tissues at the back of the throat that are causing the noise. Apart from surgery, a CPAP machine - blows air up nose or mouth under pressure- helps to keep the airways open, but then there is the noise of the machine itself that could disturb a light sleeper, hopefully it's a regular, gentle noise that you could get used to. Might be worth asking GP if it's possible to obtain one?

He has been back several times saying about the problem, we did try the saying it's not about the 'snoring ' but that he cant breathe lying down properly, gets sinus probs, he also had a horrendous ear infection just over a year ago, and he's had one before, makes you wonder if things are draining properly, to me that indicates an ear/nose/throat problem. They checked his nose and stuff, the most recent thing they gave him is antihistamines... it's not that! They did say one nasal passage was really slim.. think the antihistamine are sposed to help with that. Nothing has changed though. They said the referral criteria for sleep apnoea means he is not overweight enough, doesn't drink much, doesn't smoke, normal size neck etc so cant be referred.

Mouth guard sounds like a possible option, will look that up. I think its ENT related though.
Unfortunately might have to sell our 3 piece suite left to me by my grandmother to get a sofa bed due to small lounge, and you cant really sleep on it it's an old leather high backed Chesterfield type thing with small seat area which is lovely but uncomfortable. Needs must I guess!

@HelloDoris do you have a link for the headphones please?

It really does sound like he needs to see the ENT. He could have polyps or something the GP wouldn't be able to see. Not sure how it works but would he be able to see a different GP to get a referral?