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Is he still interested?

78 replies

Sydney80 · 19/01/2020 23:51

This guy that I'm dating is in his 30s and I'm in my 20s. We met on a dating app and hit it off pretty well. We would text each other daily, flirt, and he would be the one to initiate the conversation for most of those days. One night, I went over to his place for our first date as well as our second date. We cuddled, made out, and had sex on the first and second date. During our second date, I had too much to drink, which led me to the hospital. Things were kind of shaky between us after that situation, but we still talked. Throughout that time, I began to stress about losing him and worried that he was seeing someone else. He started texting me less and I began to initiate the conversations daily. What I did was apologize a lot and had asked for reassurance from him that things are still good between us. He came over to my place on the third date and we had a good time. During this date, we cuddled and talked rather than including sex. He had told me during that time that he felt like I was seeing this as a relationship and that I was taking things too fast. He told me that there seems to be a lot of pressure and "heaviness" to this and that dating is supposed to be fun. I felt bad about that, since this is my first time dating and I told him about that. I also told him that I would stop over-apologizing, asking for reassurance, be less of a people pleaser, and treat this dating experience as a fun thing and not a serious one. He told me that he thinks that we should take a step back and take things slow because of this. He also thinks we should take a step back and take things slow because of him engaging in a hobby throughout this year during the weekends along with working throughout the weekdays, which leaves him less time to spend with me.
He has said that he likes and accepts me for all that I am. He also said that he likes talking to me and being with me. I told him that I felt the same towards him. I told him that I would do my best to visit him once a month until summer comes around when we're able to both see each other more, and then continue that pattern of meeting once a month until this year ends. After that, we'll see what happens. He told me to just letting things come around naturally.

Update: After we had this conversation (above), the following day, he's been the one to text first and has been texting me more often than before.

Out of this whole situation, do you think that he is still interested in me? Does he still want to date me? Should I be worried about this outcome or will things be okay so far?

OP posts:
LemonTT · 20/01/2020 00:04

I’m really sorry to say this but he’s not really into you. When people like each other they make time, jobs, friends and hobbies suffer. Our natural response to infatuation is to throw ourselves into it.

Of course, people learn to control their responses and to impose boundaries. This usually applies when there are children. But ...

There is very little reason for someone without children not to find one evening a week at least to be with someone they like. He’s not even trying with you.

This is the relationship you want. It’s ok to say that and to walk away.

WTF99 · 20/01/2020 00:12

Youve had 3 dates and you're already making plans to the end of the year! If I was him I'd be running the other direction. You need to calm down.

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 01:17

@WTF99 He said that he doesn't mind me coming over.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/01/2020 01:23

I told him that I would do my best to visit him once a month

He told me to just letting things come around naturally

I think he sounds a bit overwhelmed after the drunk hospital night, but he doesn't want to look bad withdrawing from dating because you've slept together.

joystir59 · 20/01/2020 01:23

You getting drunk and ending up in hospital on your second date would have me running for the hills tbh.

Spartak · 20/01/2020 01:31

No, he's not interested in you. Delete and block, swipe right on someone else, and try not to get shitfaced on your 2nd date.

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 01:33

@joystir59 Why isn't he?

OP posts:
Spartak · 20/01/2020 01:33

And he probably doesn't mind you coming over once a month, because he thinks he going to get a guaranteed shag with minimum effort.

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 01:34

@Spartak But he's texting me daily again and more often after that convo that we had the night before.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 20/01/2020 01:37

You come across as needy, over invested, unsure and lacking in self control, self awareness and maturity OP. Just relax and work on your other friendships and life beyond this bloke, who is really not that into you.

Honeyroar · 20/01/2020 01:38

It sounds like he sees it as a casual shag type relationship while you see it as more special. I hate to say it, but I can’t see it working. He’s already backing away.

Don’t take it personally- not every hook up works out. But next time take things slower. Go out for dates rather than just going to his house for, let’s face it, a booty call.

Spartak · 20/01/2020 01:39

If he wanted to be with you, he would. Have some self respect and stop behaving like a love sick puppy after three dates. There are plenty of other men on all the other dating apps.

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 01:40

@Honeyroar On the third date, we only cuddled and talked.

OP posts:
Strawberryorangess · 20/01/2020 01:43

He’s not interested, honestly sorry Op.
Also advice for the future, going to a mans house for the first date doesn’t end well. Sleeping with someone isn’t a date.

AlexaAmbidextra · 20/01/2020 01:49

How much did you have to drink to end up at the hospital? I would have found that extremely unattractive if I were him.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/01/2020 02:14

Op did you end up in hospital as a result of a drink related injury, or were you so intoxicated that you were vomiting, passing out etc?

If the latter, and you didn't drink more than your usual limit, I'd be concerned about the possibility of being spiked.

Sadiee88 · 20/01/2020 02:27

Did he take you to hospital?
If someone drank that much whilst on a date that needed to go to hospital, bearing in mind it’s date 2 you don’t really know them, I’d not want to see them again.... or be very wary. Your young though, mistakes happen, it’s easy to drink too much.
Making plans until the end of the year is too much.

He sounds concerned to me, he also seems to be letting you know he can’t see you much, might not be right for you. Why is he even on a dating app if he has no time to spare....

I think either he’s just after sex or he’s worried how you’ll react if he stops contacting you. I think date 3 he was making sure you were ok.... and wanted to make it clear you aren’t his girlfriend- 3 dates isn’t a relationship.
Do you actually go anywhere with this bloke? Or just sit in his house? Is he still on a dating app? Does he date other women?
I don’t think he’s interested.... not in a relationship anyway.
Never sleep with someone on the first date. Don’t drink so much.

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 02:33

He took me to the hospital. We actually went hiking on the first date. He said that he hasn't been dating any other women and he's not planning on doing so.

OP posts:
Sadiee88 · 20/01/2020 02:49

Well see how it goes, but to me he’s letting you know he’s not got much time for you. He doesn’t sound like a bad person.... but it’s a lot of hassle to go through on a date- you can see why he’s been put off. You must have reservations if you posted here....
I’d not be happy seeing someone once a month....

user3575796673 · 20/01/2020 02:50

You sound extremely full on. Not in a good way. In a car crash way. Have you had relationships before this?

One night, I went over to his place for our first date as well as our second date.

Do you mean you didn't go home and you're counting day two as the second date? Or is it just clumsy phrasing?

QueenofPain · 20/01/2020 03:00

This is all far too complicate and ultimately going absolutely nowhere.

People who want you and care about you leave no doubt in your mind about how they feel or whether they want to spend time with you.

Happinessinapeartree · 20/01/2020 03:05

If you have to ask then it's usually a no

ChristmasFluff · 20/01/2020 16:39

He's not interested in a proper relationship, maybe not with anyone, but certainly not with you.

He's gone back to texting more because he thinks he has made that abundantly clear - in his mind he has told you he doesn't want anything serious. This is the translation of 'let's see where this goes' - men who are interested in a relationship will say, 'I'm looking for a relationship.' when you tried to get him to agree to a once a month meeting, he said, 'let things come around naturally'.

I agree with the poster above - this is way too full on too soon, and you are reeking of desperation. He will sense that. You are jumping through hoops trying to please him, and not taking a second to wonder if a man who has said he isn't particularly interested in you is for you.

I would get yourself back on the dating site and start dating other people. There's no need to put all your eggs into his not-very-accommodating basket. Having more options might calm things down a bit too, and give you something to do when he's off doing all his other things (dating other women, I would assume too).

bangheadhere40 · 20/01/2020 16:51

I don't think he is interested, sorry.

mccccaw · 20/01/2020 17:00

you ended up in the hospital how?

you sound like a drama queen, and I think he'll slow fade to keep the drama of the ending of this dating experience as calm as possible.