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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he still interested?

78 replies

Sydney80 · 19/01/2020 23:51

This guy that I'm dating is in his 30s and I'm in my 20s. We met on a dating app and hit it off pretty well. We would text each other daily, flirt, and he would be the one to initiate the conversation for most of those days. One night, I went over to his place for our first date as well as our second date. We cuddled, made out, and had sex on the first and second date. During our second date, I had too much to drink, which led me to the hospital. Things were kind of shaky between us after that situation, but we still talked. Throughout that time, I began to stress about losing him and worried that he was seeing someone else. He started texting me less and I began to initiate the conversations daily. What I did was apologize a lot and had asked for reassurance from him that things are still good between us. He came over to my place on the third date and we had a good time. During this date, we cuddled and talked rather than including sex. He had told me during that time that he felt like I was seeing this as a relationship and that I was taking things too fast. He told me that there seems to be a lot of pressure and "heaviness" to this and that dating is supposed to be fun. I felt bad about that, since this is my first time dating and I told him about that. I also told him that I would stop over-apologizing, asking for reassurance, be less of a people pleaser, and treat this dating experience as a fun thing and not a serious one. He told me that he thinks that we should take a step back and take things slow because of this. He also thinks we should take a step back and take things slow because of him engaging in a hobby throughout this year during the weekends along with working throughout the weekdays, which leaves him less time to spend with me.
He has said that he likes and accepts me for all that I am. He also said that he likes talking to me and being with me. I told him that I felt the same towards him. I told him that I would do my best to visit him once a month until summer comes around when we're able to both see each other more, and then continue that pattern of meeting once a month until this year ends. After that, we'll see what happens. He told me to just letting things come around naturally.

Update: After we had this conversation (above), the following day, he's been the one to text first and has been texting me more often than before.

Out of this whole situation, do you think that he is still interested in me? Does he still want to date me? Should I be worried about this outcome or will things be okay so far?

OP posts:
Diditmyway · 20/01/2020 18:31

Is this even real?

SophieSong · 20/01/2020 18:50

What actually happened on the night you had so much to drink you had to go to the hospital?

Glitterb · 20/01/2020 18:51

Sorry OP, but you are 3 dates in and sound extremely intense and needy. You really need to chill out about the situation and decide if this is a relationship you really want, he sounds like he just isn’t that into you and wants more of a FWB relationship until he meets someone else

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 18:56

Gosh where to start.

Op this is just too much, you can't be planning a whole year with a guy you've met three times, nor should you be going to men's houses you've never met and having sex with them, one day you will get badly hurt.

And I've no idea what to say about the drinking. Did you go to his house on the second date, have sex with him and drink so much you had to be hospitalised?

All these promises and apologies, thr plans, it's so intense. He is a virtual stranger, not your husband.

I'm honestly not sure you should be dating at this stage, how old are you exactly and do you have any support, friends or family?

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 18:58

Was the first and second date one and the same,,ie you just didn't leave?

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 19:04

I'd also add the fact he came to your house on the third "date", tried to let you down gently, and didn't have sex with uou indicates this is a decent guy and he's worried about you.

user1471449295 · 20/01/2020 19:04

You need to calm down OP. You’re far too intensive. I would say you’ve put him off through your neediness. Sorry. I would dump needy men back in the day too

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 19:29

Yes, I do have a family and friends to help support me. After that situation, I've decided to stop drinking for good and I told him how I felt about that too.

The third time that I saw him, he still kissed me and even initiated it.

OP posts:
3rdchristmaslucky · 20/01/2020 19:59

Jesus, OP. This is intense.

You can't plan out a whole year for the guy you have had 3 dates with.

He's trying to pull back from you and has told you himself he doesn't see this as a relationship.

He's asked you to let things happen naturally.

I don't think this is going to end well for you.

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 20:01

Can you maybe talk it through with your friends and family? Someone you trust?

Your behaviour is dangerous, to say the least, and planning out a whole year of relationship with someone you've just met, is not within the realms of normal behaviour. It's worrying, honestly.

Again how old are you exactly op?

mccccaw · 20/01/2020 20:05

@Sydney80

How did you end up in hospital?

BumbleBeee69 · 20/01/2020 20:17

your a Friend he Fucks OP.. and someone who boosts his ego.. every day.. without any commitment from him.. Flowers

AnuvvaMuvva · 20/01/2020 20:45

Has he like ever bought you a drink or a meal? Or is it just hiking, going back to his and shagging, with the odd visit to A&E?

JorisBonson · 20/01/2020 21:06

You've met the man 3 times, you somehow ended up in hospital and you're acting like this?

Give me his number so I can tell him to run far, far away.

Hope to god this isn't real.

JorisBonson · 20/01/2020 21:06

@AnuvvaMuvva 😂😂😂

Sydney80 · 20/01/2020 21:56

The second time that I saw him, I had half a glass of rum in a wine glass and drank the whole thing down pretty quickly which lead to alcohol poisoning. I did it because I felt like he liked me better when I was drunk and I felt more confident during those moments rather than when I'm sober. After I told him about that, he said that he likes me for who I am and that I didn't have to be drunk to be liked or to please him. I'm aware that I'm insecure and that I've got a lack of education for how much I'm supposed to drink (that was the third time in my life that I've had a drink- I'm 21).

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 22:51

Yeah I thought you were pretty young. Exactly how old is he?

Listen if your mother won't tell you I will.

Never go to a strange mans house. People can hide who they are and you could get hurt. Meet in public, go on dates. Ok? Don't go to random men's homes and have sex with them. Did you use protection? Sex on a first date is fine if you both know what you're getting into, one night stands etc, but don't go to some fandoms house again. Get to know them first, you've been lucky this time, you might not next time.

You don't need to be drunk. If a man prefers you drunk you need to walk away, right? What are you going to do spend your life pissed?

You need to spend time getting to know someone. Before deciding they are the one and planning a life time of dates. That's something that evolves over years.

How old is this man exactly? you understand he doesn't wish a romantic relationship with uou right? You know that seeing each other once a month, and what he said to you, that's what that means ?

stophuggingme · 20/01/2020 22:55

Bloody hell

Iris27 · 20/01/2020 23:04

You met him on a dating app and went round to his house for the first date?

Regardless of what other advice you take from this thread, please don't do that again. You need to try to stay safe.

mccccaw · 21/01/2020 01:19

@Sydney80

Your update makes me really upset OP.

Please know that you do not have to do anything for someone to like you better.

Please do not put yourself or your health in danger.

This man is not the one - I have an older (ex) boyfriend right now; similar to you. The dynamic rarely works - esp with any indication from them that they're taking advantage of your inexperience.

Please block him

Boringista · 21/01/2020 01:38

Sorry OP, he’s not interested.

Please stop seeing him (or anyone) & spend time to improve your self esteem.

Feeling you heed to drink to excess in order to feel “interesting” enough is not good for you or any relationship.

Sorry to sound harsh. Spend some time loving yourself and doing things you enjoy.

Sydney80 · 21/01/2020 01:42

Why has he started texting me every day and initiating the texts, if he doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore?

OP posts:
Boringista · 21/01/2020 01:44

Because he is a man and wants a shag, that’s why. You’re worth more than that.

Sydney80 · 21/01/2020 01:52

The thing is, he lives 30 miles away from where I live. I do know how to drive, it's just that I don't really have a car of my own. He has been the one to go back and forth picking me up, which I can understand how tiring that can be. That could be a part of why he can't see me as much as well.

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 21/01/2020 02:31

This is going to be another one of those threads where people give good advice and OP doesn’t listen to any of it. 🙄