Suspicious circumstances

[Thepushover123]

I suspect my H had a one night stand whilst away with work, but I can’t prove it so not sure if I should bring it up?

The circumstances are that he called me in a bit of meltdown state one morning when he was away professing his love etc and was really upset. A few days later he asked me about my social media settings and whether only people I knew could contact me. A month or so later I found some evidence that a woman had made comments on
one of his social media posts, this was a post made whilst he was away. The woman isn’t on social media anymore as far as I can see. All the photos of that trip have now been deleted. I remembered the other day we were out with some friends and I mentioned the place he had been away, he seemed to clam up and then he suggested we leave soon after.

Forgot to say, he deleted the social media post in question.

That's shady as fuck.
Dare you ask him outright? If not I don't know what you can do.

He's feeling guilty about something. I would ask him directly to his face. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

What would you do if he said he had? If he said he didn’t but you didn’t believe him?

Time for a talk. It doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship though. Honesty is painful, but lies are the death knell.

Yep I think you need to trust your gut instinct on this one sadly. He’s acted very suspiciously and you deserve answers. The woman may still be on social media but may have blocked you so if possible see if you can use someone else’s profile and do a search for her (if you can remember her name). If she’s still on social media then something is 100% up xxx

I got someone else to look her up but she can’t be found.

Ok so that’s better news than her still being on social media. However you still need answers to his very strange behaviour. Have you kids together? If so, arrange a kid free evening and then sit him down and ask for answers xx Sending you a virtual hug xx

i suppose she could have changed her profile name

Dodgy as hell. He’s definitely been up to something or he hasn’t and she was trying to blackmail him. Dodgy either way.

I also remember there was a couple of nights I didn’t have much contact with him and been back through my messages and he didn’t even message me on one of the nights

That whole situation is extremely shady.

Does he have access to your social media profiles or could work out your passwords? Maybe check you block settings to see if anyone has been blocked that you don't recall blocking? As that could be why you can no longer 'find' her in sm.

Could be just that she's no longer on sm, but just a thought

Yes, I think you are probably right.

Has anyone had this situation and then had them deny it? What did you do?

I’m not sure if I can believe him if he denies it

Look for her under a different name in the friends list of someone that would be friends with her IYSWIM?

Pretend you have been to the clap clinic and have a disease and ask him if he has anything to tell you?

Ask him outright that you 'just know' ?

Judging from readking numerous posts on MN, they always deny it, say you're being ridiculous or crazy or its all in your head, and get annoyed with you for even daring to suggest it.

He was abroad so I don’t know anyone who knows her.

I have been wondering if I need to get tested 😞

Just ask for his phone so you can see his social media and messages

You will soonget your answer

Tell him you think you make have an STD and see how worried he looks!

The conversation should be on your terms and not his:

"I want the truth about what happened with (her name). If you lie to me now, I will never, ever forgive you or forget. I am open to us working through this, but the first lie and you're out."

Decide what you want to do first.
Because it seems - he either admits something -
Or he denies and you don’t believe him anyway...
So - why even ask 🤷🏻‍♀️.

If you think you need to leave - then do, as there doesn’t seem to he trust anyway.
But if you think you don’t want to walk - then what’s the point of torturing yourself?

Download the episode of Dr Foster when she drops the bombshell at the dinner table and pop it on after dinner. See if the blood drains from his face.

Pointless confronting him, he’s highly likely to deny and defend himself and you will put him on his guard. Carry on as normally as possible on the surface but do as much digging as you can. Also get tested- if unfortunately you have caught something that will be your answer.

She must have her Facebook settings on private. You won’t see her at all unless you’re on her friends list

Things were particularly bad between us just before this happened. They have improved a bit but we have some other problems too. I didn’t think I was that bothered about it but the more I think about it the more I want an answer, I feel like subconciously I’ve detached from him because there is this doubt that I tried to bury and didn’t address.

Why have you suddenly focused on this? Has there been anything else about his behaviour that has sparked this off? What was the comment from the woman? Try not to panic and get your sequence of events and ideas correct if you want to discuss this with him.