Are my hormones normal. My husband thinks not

[HGranger]

We are suffering real issues in our marriage at the moment. We are looking at marriage counselling and my husband is looking at getting anger management help. But as part of our agreement on how we proceed to try and positively change our situation, he has asked I get help with my hormones. I have no issue with this, but I don't think my hormones are massively out of the ordinary.

I suffer from the normal stuff, feeling a bit withdrawn, a bit snappier and irritable. I do feel a bit gloomy and problems can seem bigger than they are. I am more prone to tears. But I dont think I'm awful with them, and actually the above is a summary from my husband. I'm not a female version of the tasmanian devil. Is this really totally abnormal or just what everyone else experiences?

If it isn't normal, what can I actually do about it. I dont want to go on hormonal contraceptives as they so make depressed. He had suggested acupuncture, but I really don't buy into that sort of stuff.

Acupuncture can help with lots of problems.worth trying .I have used it for various reasons and it works

Have you always been like that OP or is it a new thing?

Some people cry more than others, I’m not a cryer but my sister is.but then tears at the slightest disagreement and feeling blooming would concern me. I’d say your mood sounds a bit like you are miserable if anything? Are you happy in the marriage?

How old are you?
Are you talking normal pre period PMT for a few days or worse?

What you describe isn’t normal for me, no, but I appreciate that there’s huge variety from woman to woman in his hormones affect us.

...how hormones affect us...

If my husband had anger management issues I'd be pretty fucking snappy and tearful - I doubt there is anything wrong with your hormones.

Is he a kind person?

Is that just when you get PMT? Doesn’t sound unusual. Does it disuse problems in the marriage?

I think first of all you need to establish why he thinks your hormones are a problem. I suspect he wants to blame any reaction you have to his poor behaviour on you to lessen the blame on him. It sounds as if he is trying to divert responsibility. Tbh I think if I was living with someone with anger management problems then I would be a bit teary too.

I'm 30. I'm one of 4 girls who all are moody pre period, so it's really difficult to judge if what I feel is normal. I think I'm probably the least worst of us all. I do have other issues like spotting and pain before my periods, long periods so they feel like they go on forever.

Is it possible that your behaviour is just a reaction to your husbands behaviour? We all feel more on edge around people who irritate us or prone to anger (you said he needs anger management)
Are you more relaxed when he is not around?

Why do you think it's your hormones? Is it just before your period and the rest of the time you're not like this?

I have bad pms so I understand what you describe.

But if I'm honest I'm more concerned with your partner needing to go to anger management? Seems him pulling you up on your hormones could be deflection/blame shift.

Maybe you wouldn't feel so gloomy if your husband wasn't an angry arsehole?

Being teary and snappy is not everyone's experience but isn't outwith the realms of normal either. If something can help take these symptoms away I think it's worth a shot. If your DH is going to anger management, I would do the acupuncture, even if only to show him you will try. Although hypnotherapy might work better, I think. I agree that hormonal contraceptives are the pits.

Overall I'm pretty unhappy in my marriage. Things have been very difficult since we had our daughter two years ago, and I'm trying to work out why and what to do. We are at last chance saloon and I think we need to put in place firm parameters of what we think will help improve things, so if after a certain period things haven't changed, we agree we have tried and need to call it a day.

@Smartanimal yes I am, I only feel like this at home.

@pinkyredrose I do agree. But I also feel like I need to show willing. For my own sanity I need to feel like it have tried everything to sort this situation, so if things dont work I can walk away with a clear conscience.

The thing with PMS is it intensifies all our normal emotions, so if I have reasons to be snappy, I'll be less able to hold it back the week before my period and if I feel like crying I'll be less able to control it.

When life is good and I'm generally happy, I don't suffer from the kind of PMS anyone else would notice.

What's he like at home, does he pull his weight?

What I will say, is when I have been struggling and PMS was an issue, cutting out refined sugar makes a huge difference.

You can end a relationship for any reason

If this is only at home who’s causing it and I can guess who

If he’s angry he’s abusive so counselling isn’t recommended
Seperate counselling is so you have a safe place to let it all out.

Are you sure it’s a problem with hormones? Are you possibly just having lots of negative feelings which as others have suggested would be consistent with being in an unhappy marriage. Could addressing your unhappiness change your mood? Or do you think you are being very unreasonable? It seems like getting to the bottom of this might be best tackled in your marriage counselling. I don’t think doing acupuncture can hurt but I would just be weary of potentially pathologising something that might be normal albeit inconvenient for your husband.

What sort of things is he doing that result in you becoming snappy and tearful - and requires anger management of him?

I suspect PMS simply makes most women less patient of bullshit.

It's a viscious circle I suppose. You admit that you do feel and act differently at different times of the month so worth looking at too.

Unless hes an endocrinologist, your husband doesn't have the first clue if your hormones are 'normal' or not.

Sounds to me like hes using the misogynist trope of blaming a womans hormones when she dares react to being treated badly.

As he has anger management problems it's more likely that his hormones are not normal- but then again that's not an accusation ever levelled at men.