Is a 15 year age gap too much?

[relationshiphelp]

Is an age gap of 15 years too much?

I'm 32, he's 47.

My sister in law is 16 years younger than my brother and they are one of the happiest couples I know and have been together 20+ years.

For me personally yes, but don't care what others do. Everyone is different. As long as you're happy.

I think a lot of people are struggling to see past the 'being happy' thing. My DH is older, 20 years older. It wasn't an issue in my 20's or 30's but now I'm in my 40s and him his 60's. While we are happy and have had many many years and some fabulous DC together, I am coming to realise only now that's the age difference does make a difference. Don't get me wrong I love him and wouldn't be without him, I have no regrets over the family we created, but he is older and it does matter. I used to be the same as so many people above and would be the first person to say if you love him then it doesn't matter, which is true, usually it doesn't matter, until much later on in the relationship. It's all very well saying you will be fine with a 60 odd year old DH when you are in your 40's, but the reality of that isn't always as you think.

My DH isn't well, he has age related problems. Things that some people will never get, and things that younger people may get, but the risk is so much higher when you are older.

Why does it matter what other people think? But when you are 55 he will be 70, but then it depends what he's like if he's a fit active type then he may seem younger than a man of 60 🤷🏻‍♀️. If he's a couch potato then he'll be an old man.

At the end of the day, it's only your opinion that's matters.

I wouldnt. What would put me off is if he only exclusively dates women far younger than him.

Be with who you love, that's what matters. Only thing to consider is old age really, my parents have a similar gap and the age difference is suddenly very noticeable, a sprightly full of life late sixties person married to a person who is now very frail is a worry for my parent who is younger

There’s 15 years between my grandparents (and they married when my grandmother was 18!). Grandad is 90 and you honestly wouldn’t know. He’s active and completely mentally competent. I don’t know if having a younger wife has kept him young, or if genetically he’s just very lucky, but it isn’t an issue for them at all. I guess it could go either way though!

ut when you are 55 he will be 70, but then it depends what he's like if he's a fit active type then he may seem younger than a man of 60 🤷🏻‍♀️. If he's a couch potato then he'll be an old man.

It doesn't work like that. If only life were so simple.

11 year gap here (I’m 30 he’s 41) - works well for us.

Wow, I didn't expect to come back to so many replies.

I am crazy about him, never felt so happy before. He has kids, young kids, I don't have any & would like kids so that's a conversation we need to have.

In terms of his age, he's a young 47 if that makes sense, very active & I think that helps in making the gap not seem as big.

Thank you all for your input

Don't let other people's opinions stump your choices. At the end of the day we are all different and what works for one doesn't for another.
For me the gap would be a no no but if you are happy and your life choices aren't going to be effected due to the gap then don't allow it to bother you.

The age doesn’t matter so much as the difference in life goals, and what you both want. I mean kids, mainly. If he has them already, he might not want to be going into his 50s with a young baby. Equally, you might have your heart set on having a family. That difference alone is far more important than the age.

I agree with ginandbearit. Our age gap relationship has worked because when DH was 12 years younger he didn't want kids, marriage. The age gap has kind of evened out what we wanted at the same time (if that makes sense!)

Absolutely not. Friends have been together 5-years (now engaged) with an age difference of 16 years. They are blissfully happy and tbh having spent time with them on holiday they fit together perfectly. She gives him a hard time, it washes over him. I say that because she is a little bit of hard work at times, he is uber relaxed and their personalites are ideal for each other. One thing that is beyond doubt is the way they love each other, the look in their eyes and how each of them fiercely protects the other. Their time together and their characters are important and not the age difference.

Nope, similar age gap with my dp and I and we are very happy. I don't notice the age gap now. I have dc from a previous relationship and don't want anymore. If you do then I can only foresee that as a future issue. Go for it, age really is just a number! I've been with many people my own age and occasionally younger but my dp is the only one who has truly 'got' me.

There is a 12 year age gap between me and OH. I am now early 50's, he is mid 60's. While the physical age gap wasn't really apparent 10, or even 5 years ago, it is becoming an issue now. He is getting age related aches and pains that are slowing him down a bit, and while he is still fit and active he is slower than he was. I don't have a particular problem with this at the moment, but OH does, telling me I need someone younger and fitter. It doesn't help that he has always looked a bit older than his years, and I look younger than mine. We frequently get mistaken for father and daughter, which again, is more of an issue for him than for me.

However, being in a relationship with someone of a similar age is no guarantee of a long and happy relationship, as seen on these boards. If you make each other happy go for it!

I think it depends on the mindset of the couple, if you are both old or young in mind then it doesn't matter.

It does matter though. Mindset isn't enough.

Mindset isn't really worth much when your DH issues a wheelchair in his 60's due to crippling arthritis.

@JohnVirgo any person can become ill at any time for any reason.

Of course age is a big factor in health but quite honestly my dp is in better shape then I am and he's 15 years my senior!

It's not a concern to me.

Obviously. But there is no argument that the risk isn't higher as you get older. It is.

@JohnVirgo of course it's a risk but life is unpredictable and to me worrying about ones potential health 20 years down the line wouldn't be enough to put me off an otherwise positive relationship. Quite honestly in my case it will probably be me who needs caring for...

Fair enough. I was only answering the question the OP through my own experience. Even so little as 5 years ago I would have still been shouting the 'as long as you are happy' line in a thread like this. You (general you, including me) don't see it because you don't want to see it. You don't see it because you don't want to imagine it could happen. You don't see it because it's never going to happen to you. Only it does.

I would just urge anyone considering a huge gap relationship to go into it with their eyes wide open.

Threads like these always get responses from people who feel their life choices are under attack over-emphasising how wonderful their life is and extrapolating that to all age gaps.

People with painful experiences are less likely to be attracted to dredge those up for a thread.

Never mind the naivete of youth to think that you can control your luck when it comes to age related ill health by exercising and eating a healthy diet. Terrible things strike down otherwise healthy people all the damn time.

I’d be more concerned at him Having young children and being separated would be a bigger issue for me than age. If his children are young then his relationship can’t be too long over and that sounds messy. And bringing your own babies into the mix... messier yet

I think it is. You'll have loads of people coming on and saying that it's fine for them. But I'm now nearing 50, and I do not want to be with someone who is 65. It might have been fine when I was your age, but I simply do not want to be with an old man now! (and yes, cue all those people who come on saying their dp is full of energy...)

I went out with someone 6 years older than me, and that was too much. I'm now dating again, and looking for someone no older than I am. I think the gap is more pronounced as you get older. And people age in their 50s more than any other decade I think. So for me no.