To be annoyed with my Dad`s behavior?

[FearlessSwiftie]

To start with, I am 22 now and I have really bad relationships with my father. The whole thing just sucks because of one simple thing: he does not listen to me ever.
Ive been writing my diary for like 12 years and recently I was looking through this old stuff. I came across the notebook that I had when I was 10 and there was a story of me telling my parents how me and my classmate were looking for the textbook, then mixed the books up etc. Nothing serious, just a story that was funny for a 10-year-old. So the note in my diary is about one evening when I was sharing this story with my parents (remember, I was 10 at that times) and apparently my Dad wasnt listening to me like at all. He just started to tell his own story in the first pause that I had made for remembering something. My story wasn`t even over! And he never listened to me!

Okay, so this example is here to indicate that he hasn`t been listening to me for more than a half of my life. Through the years we had several quarrels about how impolite I was for interrupting him (even though he was the one doing it and teaching me that). And yesterday we had the greatest quarrel of all times.

I had changed my job like 1.5 months ago and I told my parents that now Im working for the international IT-company. My work is connected to writing texts for their website. Ive been telling some news and funny stories quite often for about 6 weeks or so and yesterday it turned out that my Dad didnt even know where I was working and what I was doing. All this time he had been thinking that I work as an interpreter which Im certainly not. He was quite surprised to hear where I`m working and what my work is connected to.

That was the last straw. I yelled at him for ignoring me through the years, for never listening to me when I was talking and for listening just to interrupt when the first possibility comes. I also told him about this situation that had happened 12 years ago (the one written in my diary) and he told me that I was vindictive.

He never said sorry or looked ashamed, nothing of this kind. My Mom took my side but she is quite calm so she wouldn`t confront him which I perfectly know and understand.

Now I dont feel like even talking to him because why should I if he doesnt care?
AIBU?

And you’re 22?

It doesn’t sound as if you are very good at listening to him either

This reads like a teenage tantrum

Well, it doesn't sound like he's good at listening, no, although are you a big talker and perhaps he's tuned out? Either way, I'm not sure there's much you can do about it at this stage? I'd be inclined to stop talking to him - i don't mean ignore him, but just stop telling him things or expecting him to pay attention.

@BiscuitBarrels yep, I assume such things to hurt even when you are 30, 40, 50, etc. Especially when you are listening to people around you and paying attention and also know people who listen to you. So it is not impossible, that`s why it hurts even more.

*do

@BlingLoving, I agree & nope, now I dont talk a lot, I prefer writing <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"> I didnt expected him to pay lot of attention but being in the dark about the job your daughter is doing... Idk, this is not about paying attention to 10-year-old stories, this is about complete ignoring smh
And yes, I meant stopping telling him things, not ignoring fully. Just you know, answer some questions connected to our common things

@NoMorePoliticsPlease wouldnt you be hurt hearing that your parent doesnt even want to know things connected to you? I mean, is it completely okay to your mind?

What, you changed job from interpreter to IT just like that?

@makingmammaries I have never worked as interpreter :)
My current work

is connected to writing texts for their website
And my previous one was about data archives digitization. But my father though I was an interpreter for no reason. Idk why and where he even got this idea, I was telling my parents multiple times what I`m doing.

You sound like a spoiled teenager having a tantrum. Dredging up a 10 year old gripe is very immature. Do you listen to or talk to him in general? Maybe he is bored listening to you going on and not letting him talk to you.

It doesn't sound as though you've moved on much from when you were ten. I worked on many different projects and areas in my last job and wouldn't have expected my mother to be aware.

He sounds a nightmare. He's always done it and he's not changing, is he?

I think you need to treat him as if he's unable to speak the same language; smile, greet and then talk to your DM. Just drop your expectations of him to the floor. That said, I think you're under no obligation to listen politely to anything he might day. Treat him as if he's speaking Sanskrit (unless you understand Sanskrit!) and detach. It will feel rude at first, but he won't remember anyway, will he?

How on earth does your DM put up with it?!

@ilovesooty
Um, what is so awful about having an old diary that provides a great example of how the whole problem had started years ago? I mean, it is 12 years long, come on! Do you really think it is okay? And yes, Ive tried to talk to him about that several times, every time we ended up having a quarrel, as Ive stated above, because I have never got the chance to even finish what I was going to say. I dont see how the situation when Im not even heard makes me spoiled but ok

@ilovesooty
I dont want people to know the tiniest bit of my work either, it is unnecessary. But having the wrong data about your own family member doesnt seem okay to me. I bet your mom knew the general direction you are/were working in.

If you're going to be writing copy for your company's website, I'd suggest learning to use the correct apostrophe - it's ' not `

@NearlyGranny
God! Finally someone who sees my point, thank you!
Yep, it has been like this for a while but I didnt quite understood how long this "while" had lasted until Ive found my old notes about the same problem but a decade ago. A decade! Can`t even imagine staying the same for such a long time.

Your advice seems to be the best one so far, thank you, guess I will do like you`ve said.

Talking about my DM, well, the have been together for 25 years and he wasnt like that at the very beginning. Plus he is not like that towards her. She tried to scold me for my vision of the problem but yesterday she saw it all at took my side telling him he was wrong treating me like that. In fact, that didnt change a single thing, he never thinks that he is the one who is wrong.

@MaMaMaMySharona
I know, thank you :) My laptop keyboard is just in poor condition so it is better for me to use this "version" of apostrophe. While at work I use their laptop and everything is alright, haha

Well my DH has worked for the same company for over 7 years and his mum still has to ask what he does. It irritates him but he doesn’t blow up about it.

She’s got similar tendencies to what you’ve described so when she visits and starts talking over please we say something like:

“Can I just finish what I was saying and then I’d be happy to hear your input.”

Usually does the trick without anybody getting upset, sometimes we have to say it firmly, sometimes we say it lightly depending on how she is on the day. She’s one of those people that’s already thinking of a story she has that she thinks is similar or relevant before anybody else has finished their point, it’s annoying but it’s just one of those things.

She’s also a heart on sleeve/speaks before she thinks kind of person but she mostly means well. If you want more respectful behaviour from your Dad and want to address this as an adult with him, you need to think about how to discuss it with him without tempers flaring IMO. Not saying it’ll get through, but yelling never really works and certainly won’t lead to respect from your parents.

Over us* I have no idea where please came from! But just to add again it is really bloody annoying I’m with you there

That is, like, one of the most confusing, like, things I’ve ever, like, read. Like.

@NaviSprite
I agree with your last paragraph but the thing is that Ive tried to discuss it with him several times and I did it calmly. The problem is that he doesnt see any problem here, ironically. He just never gets it.

And I also tried to play the trick you are talking to but the answer was: "Were you talking about something? Really?". Idk how to deal then

@VodselForDinner
Correct me if I`m mistaken but there are only 3 "likes" that could be avoided :)

I know what you mean. Don’t know why some people are giving you a hard time. If one of your parents doesn’t listen to you, it’s a horrible feeling. Especially as a child. Children need to feel like what they say is of value. Doesn’t mean that you can’t tell them that they need to wait or whatever but if my child is telling me a story about his day then I’ll listen. Even if it’s not thrilling to me, it’s something that is important to him.

@KidCaneGoat thank you for your support! Tbh, I didn`t even remember this situation but my diary reminded me that the whole problem started a long time ago. That sucks