To be annoyed with my Dad`s behavior?

[FearlessSwiftie]

To start with, I am 22 now and I have really bad relationships with my father. The whole thing just sucks because of one simple thing: he does not listen to me ever.
Ive been writing my diary for like 12 years and recently I was looking through this old stuff. I came across the notebook that I had when I was 10 and there was a story of me telling my parents how me and my classmate were looking for the textbook, then mixed the books up etc. Nothing serious, just a story that was funny for a 10-year-old. So the note in my diary is about one evening when I was sharing this story with my parents (remember, I was 10 at that times) and apparently my Dad wasnt listening to me like at all. He just started to tell his own story in the first pause that I had made for remembering something. My story wasn`t even over! And he never listened to me!

Okay, so this example is here to indicate that he hasn`t been listening to me for more than a half of my life. Through the years we had several quarrels about how impolite I was for interrupting him (even though he was the one doing it and teaching me that). And yesterday we had the greatest quarrel of all times.

I had changed my job like 1.5 months ago and I told my parents that now Im working for the international IT-company. My work is connected to writing texts for their website. Ive been telling some news and funny stories quite often for about 6 weeks or so and yesterday it turned out that my Dad didnt even know where I was working and what I was doing. All this time he had been thinking that I work as an interpreter which Im certainly not. He was quite surprised to hear where I`m working and what my work is connected to.

That was the last straw. I yelled at him for ignoring me through the years, for never listening to me when I was talking and for listening just to interrupt when the first possibility comes. I also told him about this situation that had happened 12 years ago (the one written in my diary) and he told me that I was vindictive.

He never said sorry or looked ashamed, nothing of this kind. My Mom took my side but she is quite calm so she wouldn`t confront him which I perfectly know and understand.

Now I dont feel like even talking to him because why should I if he doesnt care?
AIBU?

Ah well then, it’s deliberate and dismissive. You say he’s not like it with your Mum, is he like it with anybody else? I’m glad your Mum finally understands why it bothers you and has backed you up. Is your Dad the sort of person that seemingly finds it impossible to apologise in general? My FIL is like that but after a bit of picking away with the method @NearlyGranny suggested he stopped after a while, he didn’t like me speaking to him in over simplified tones (and making ‘jokes’ about him obviously needing a hearing assessment) it may seem like a childish way to go to some, but when he finally pulled me up on it I simply said ‘it’s not nice to be treated with such disrespect is it?’. Now I used this method in private - I wouldn’t use belittling language, just simple overstated explanations with a smile when he asked any questions (the hearing test joke only came out when he was exceptionally rude to me) and otherwise I’d focus conversation on the person in the room who actually respected my right to talk.

As for the final bit where he ignores that you were speaking at all, maybe come up with something as a stock answer to his blatant rudeness. I’m sure you have, but have you ever asked him why he’s so dismissive of you? If so did you get any form of answer or did he just deny it?

@FearlessSwiftie ahh makes sense. Apologies, a solicitor I used to work with did it and it used to drive me insane!

@MaMaMaMySharona I know, it drives me crazy too but I guess this awful thing is still better than no apostrophe at all

@NaviSprite yeah, he doesnt say "Sorry" ever, neither to my DM nor to me. He is kinda bossy due to his work but I dont see the point of acting this way at home, we are not his colleagues or subordinates in the first place.
Glad the trick worked for you, maybe it will work for me as well, I will try!
And yes, I asked him about his rudeness but he answered something like "What is your problem? I am older, period". I truly don`t see how tf this can be a point

I couldn't even tell you what company my dad works for and he has no idea really about my job. Our industries are completely different and not that interesting to each other. But I love him and i know he loves me.
A 10 year olds stories are often really dull and most people I know just feign interest. Life is too short to hold grudges about the unimportant things.

@Yamihere Ive stated somewhere above that I didnt even remember that moment from my past and I provided this example to show that the problem has its roots in the past

I would try having a conversation about something that interests you both and see if he will listen to your opinion on it. Me and my dad like to talk football, for example

@Yamihere okay, thank you!

Ah the old “I’m older so that automatically makes me smarter and wiser” mentality, it’s not an easy one to get around sadly. I think Yamihere has a good idea, find common interest and see if he actually opens up a bit. I feel for you OP, one of my biggest frustrations is people ignoring me for the sake of it.

I never said you were spoilt.
Yes, my mother knew the general focus of my last job. She didn't approve of it anyway.
My father frankly told me he switched off when i talked to him. As I've grown older that really has become increasingly less important to me.
I don't see the point of using a diary entry of an incident you'd forgotten to drive an argument in the here and now.

@NaviSprite yeah, I will try that to see if it works, thank you!

@ilovesooty I didn`t say you were calling me that, these words were written for another person in the thread :) Getting back to my diary: I used this example just to emphasize that this problem had started some 10 (in fact even more) years ago and it is not just a one-time incident. Btw maybe it had started even earlier but I have no proofs of that

Well I'd appreciate it if you didn't tag me alongside comments made by someone else then. Perhaps "I apologise" is the phrase you're looking for.

Ugh, my bad.
@ilovesooty I am sorry, had to double-check first

@Hotseat this one was for you

Um, what is so awful about having an old diary that provides a great example of how the whole problem had started years ago? I mean, it is 12 years long, come on! Do you really think it is okay? And yes, Ive tried to talk to him about that several times, every time we ended up having a quarrel, as Ive stated above, because I have never got the chance to even finish what I was going to say. I dont see how the situation when Im not even heard makes me spoiled but ok

Cross post. Accepted.

@ilovesooty yes, you are right and I apologise :) messed the whole thing up by trying to answer two people at once

Honestly I hope for you that as time moves on this will matter less and less to you. If he has no capacity to listen to you or respect you it's his failing.

@ilovesooty thank you & I agrree
I know I don`t have to feel bad because somebody acts ugly but I know people whose attitude is way better so this unwanted comparison that just comes is hurtful.

OP, I would ask for this to be moved to relationships for adequate better advice. 💐

@PicsInRed good idea! Could you please tell me how to do that?

Have "reported" and asked for it to be moved for you. 💐

@PicsInRed thank you!

Oh the irony of this thread being about someone not listening to you.
So, 90% (the vast majority) of people have told you you're being unreasonable, but you're not listening to them are you?

FWIW, my 10 year old, bless her gorgeous heart; is unbelievably boring at the moment. I have to curl my toes in tight and plaster a smile on my face praying that she'll stop talking soon. I can't always manage it.

@arethereanyleftatall I agree it is ironical that most of the people havent made it through the text and were asking questions even though the answers were stated just above. Tbh, I cant blame them for that cause I know my text came out being too long which is fine (otherwise the whole story wouldn`t be clear as it was for some people here).

And once again, I know children can be boring but that doesnt mean you have to ignore the adult daughter who tells you personally about her future (now current) job. You see, switching from one place to another is a serious decision and I told my parents about the whole thing asking for their advice. So it is kinda strange for me now that my dad didnt even hear me back then. Plus he has some beyond strange idea about what I`m doing.

To clarify it once again: I believe(d) that family is a synonym to love and support (which means paying attention at least sometimes when it comes to serius decisions) and I`m always doing my best to give the stated things to my relatives. Somehow I was wrong thinking this way, okay.

*serious

Over-talking is a bad habit that can only be addressed if the culprit is willing to change - and they often need help and support to do it. He does not want to address this failing.

He likes being listened to - so maybe a re-training strategy may help - as soon as he interrupts look away until he stops talking!!!

Your father also has the attitude that he is more "important". Maybe ask him how old he was when he "knew" better than his father. I bet he answers an age younger than you now!!

It may not be that he is not interested in you - he would not want to talk to you if he was not interested - he just doesn't have the capacity to keep quiet. It is disappointing.