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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ive just been dumped. Cant hold myself together.

56 replies

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:22

I started a thread a few days ago about the trouble ex-dp was having with his mom etc

Well the out come is that ive been dumped He loves me but cant be with me because he feels empty inside and he knows its not right anymore.

Im so humiliated.I begged him to stay, crying my eyes out for 3 hours

I love him so much. I dont know what to do. I havent been able to eat or sleep for 3 days, my stomach feels full of knots

The kids (not his but we have been living as a family) and going to know where hes gone etc

As he left he said he loved me and would call me later. I really dont understand.

OP posts:

meandmy · 29/08/2007 21:25

im sorry try giving him some space then see if he will talk to you about where it went wrong!

Dabbles · 29/08/2007 21:25

He sounds like a wanker! no offence, but.. he loves u but feels 'empty'? and told u he love du but left anyway?

Original poster

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:26

He said hes had so much going on his his head that he cant cope anymore.

This time last week we were so happy that we talked about getting married.

I even have his name tatooed on my wrist.

I cant lose him, I love him.

OP posts:

Biglips · 29/08/2007 21:27

how can he love you if he feels empty?? doesnt make sense!!....sounds like he didnt love you enough to stay.

fawkeoff · 29/08/2007 21:27

what a nob ed thing to say to u "i love you but im empty" well remember that if he starts trying to get u into bed with the "i do love u" line. things will get better hun x

Original poster

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:28

We did have sex But I initiated it, i thought it would make him realise how much he loved me

OP posts:

fawkeoff · 29/08/2007 21:29

i dont mean to be insensitive about it, but he's not going to miss anything if ur still giving him everything iyswim

Biglips · 29/08/2007 21:29

aww im sorry to hear .

fortunecookie · 29/08/2007 21:31

Forget him. It will take time & tears, I know. I'm so sorry, SG, to be so blunt but he's trying to let you down as gently as he can.

bookthief · 29/08/2007 21:33

Give him (and yourself) some space and time to think things through. Once things have calmed down think about what you want.

Dh and I split up about 12 months into our relationship under fairly similar sounding circumstances although no dcs at the time. After some time to think he changed his mind, and after some time for me to think too we got back together. That was 8 years ago so it doesn't have to be the end.

Desiderata · 29/08/2007 21:36

Calm down, girls! Saying that he feels empty inside does not make him a wanker or a knob. He's a human being, and it sounds like he needs a little space.

Shakey, I know it's difficult, but just stay away for a while. You know it makes sense to regain some dignity here, however much you're hurting right now.

Nobody should have this power over you, and your kids will be upset to see you crying.

C'mon, love! You've got us, after all!

Original poster

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:36

Ive never been dumped before. I never realised it hurt this much

OP posts:

Desiderata · 29/08/2007 21:37

Oooh, yes. It hurts a great deal.

fortunecookie · 29/08/2007 21:38

Oh yeah. It hurts more than anything except death.

Desiderata · 29/08/2007 21:39

No, it hurts more. Billions of people have died, and you never hear them complain!

fawkeoff · 29/08/2007 21:39

luck youfor never being dumped maybe been a bit quick to deem him a nob ed, but i stand my grounds firmly on you not giving him to him for sex etc etc.space may well be what ur relationship needs

Original poster

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:41

Hes really a great bloke. Considerate and kind, fun, affectionate, great with the children.

He just had this huge row with his mom, woke up the next morning saying he felt different and empty and things just wernt the same, that even though he loved me he knew it was the end.

Doesnt help that his friends (single player types) told him he'd lose all his mate if he didnt change.

He moved in with me about a month ago, so hasnt seen as much of them.

OP posts:

Biglips · 29/08/2007 21:42

erm...can i ask how old he is??

Original poster

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:43

Hes 26

OP posts:

fortunecookie · 29/08/2007 21:44

Yes but even wonderful people fall out of love.

divastrop · 29/08/2007 21:47

if he told you he loved you as he was leaving then i doubt very much he will be leaving for good.normally when somebody dumps you and means it 100% they have been thinking about it for a good while(well,IME anyway).

maybe the fact you were talking about marriage together has scared him a little and he needs a bit of space to 'check' its really what he wants iyswim?

do you have any friends who could come round with a bottle of wine and a shoulder to cry on?

walbert · 29/08/2007 21:49

Shakeysgirl, i rad your prev thread about the probs you were having with your (ex) dp's mother, and it seems from your brief description that, lovely as the chaqp may have been to you, he's got a very very dominant childish not very nice mother who he can't stand up to, and those sort of mothers are not very nice to have in your life and your dc's lives! take time out to be very upsetm, but you will feel better, and do you want that woman to be linked in some tedious way to your dc's?? You'll find some one that will love you and your dc's and their family will love you too and make you and your dc's a part of their family. Think your ex needs to grow up abnd find backbone to his mother!

divastrop · 29/08/2007 21:49

is he a mummy's boy?

Original poster

ShakeysGirl · 29/08/2007 21:50

We have joint friends and they havent called or spoken to me since all this started.

Except one who called me to say how sorry he was and then sent him a text saying

"Im so happy for you mate, I know you are doing the right thing and I think you do to. It was so good to see your mom smiling again today"

OP posts:

divastrop · 29/08/2007 21:50

x-posts.any chance of a link to your other thread?

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