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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It’s my birthday on Friday.

61 replies

PhilCollinsFingerWag · 14/01/2020 19:45

.....and I’m, as usual, not looking forward to it.

Apart from dh, it brings back the fact that my birthday means nothing. It’s as if I don’t exist to some people.

My mother, before I went NC, always either ‘forgot’ my birthday, or caused problems around the date, making sure she upset me in a big way, especially more so if it was a significant milestone birthday.

I was always on the outside looking in as far as family goes, my sisters and my Mother on one side, me on my own on the other side of the glass, as Dad did as he was told.

And as if it wasn’t enough, I have a colleague who does the same.
She acts as if my birthday doesn’t exist or isn’t important enough, changes the subject if another colleague mentions my birthday.

As she is the birthday card buyer/giver, I have to wait until the very last minute before leaving work before she gives me my birthday card and that’s after everyone has gone home.

Just what am I doing wrong to these people, family and colleague?

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG ?

My birthday is a constant reminder that I am worthless, unimportant and unloveable.
Sorry if this sounds stupid, I’m 54 fgs.

OP posts:
Muddyfunker · 17/01/2020 08:15

I set a reminder so I could wish you a very Happy Birthday.

Go and do all the things that make you happy and treat yourself to something special.

Have a great day Smile

Withershins · 17/01/2020 08:36

Happy Birthday @PhilCollinsFingerWag and everyone else who shares the same birthday, including me Grin.

ohfourfoxache · 17/01/2020 08:36

Happy birthday 🎂

You’re worth a million of these fuckwits - enjoy your day and don’t give them headspace x

potter5 · 17/01/2020 08:40

Happy birthday. Have a great day.Cake FlowersWine

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/01/2020 08:45

I'm glad you have today off, and hope you have a decent day.

I'm now NC with most of my family of origin and the relief around birthday stuff has been incredible.

It's very freeing to tell people "I don't celebrate my birthday" and if any really nosy fuckers ask why, say "It's not something I want to discuss."

FairyBatman · 17/01/2020 09:01

Happy birthday @PhilCollinsFingerWag FlowersCakeWine

CornishPorsche · 17/01/2020 09:08

Happy Birthday @PhilCollinsFingerWag! Have a lovely day to yourself.

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/01/2020 09:23

Happy Birthday to all those who have a birthday today!

Quite a lot of people don't have anyone to make a day special for them, so make it special for yourselves! I give you permission to go and buy yourself some lovely spring flowers and a huuuuuuuge cake, all for you.

Enjoy.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/01/2020 09:31

Fuck 'em all OP.
You spoil yourself!
Book something. Treat yourself to something you've always wanted!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Flowers Cake Wine Gin Star Glitterball

TroysMammy · 17/01/2020 09:33

Happy Birthday. It's mine today too and a Happy Birthday to all that share the same day. Treat yourself to something nice, a breakfast, a pizza or even an ice cream sundae. Whatever you do do what you enjoy.

Frenchw1fe · 17/01/2020 09:37

Happy birthday. Hope your colleagues enjoyed the cakes yesterday.
Have a super day. Cake

CoffeeBeansGalore · 17/01/2020 09:44

Happy birthday to all those posters today 🎉🥂🎂

Herocomplex · 17/01/2020 09:57

Happy Birthday!

I deliberately didn’t remind anyone that it was a big birthday for me recently to see who would make an effort. Hardly anyone was the answer, a few but not any of the people I’d made big efforts for in the past. I was upset and teary for most of the day which is not like me at all.
Then I realised that I’d sabotaged myself, I should have made a plan for my day to be what I wanted it to be - I could have easily had a much nicer day if I’d chosen to. No point in me being envious of other people’s surprises and treats.

I’m NC with my DM and I know the feelings you’re talking about. You DO matter, you ARE worth celebrating. Don’t let her spoil today. Celebrate yourself. 💐

KnowBetterDoBetter · 17/01/2020 10:33

Can't believe how many people have the same birthday as us. I've seen it all over Twitter today as well, and 7 friends on Facebook have their birthdays today!

Happy birthday everyone! Hope OP is having a nice day. I'm curled up in bed after the school run with a hazelnut croissant and a cup of tea Crown Grin

Todayisontheup · 17/01/2020 11:26

Happy Birthday to @PhilCollinsFingerWag and @TroysMammy, I hope you both have a wonderful day and do whatever you feel like doing. Cake Flowers [champagne]

LuckyBitches · 17/01/2020 11:28

Happy birthday!

Some (lots of) people are crap at birthdays, it's not a reflection on you. I hope you do something nice for yourself today.
CakeGlitterball

Sexymomma256 · 17/01/2020 11:30

Hope you have happy birthday, keep moving forward with life! Smile

jimmyjab · 17/01/2020 14:20

Happy birthday all!

restingbitchface30 · 17/01/2020 14:33

Happy birthday to you!! Have a fab day, go and spoil yourself!

MikeUniformMike · 17/01/2020 14:38

Happy Birthday @PhilCollinsFingerWag !
Hope you are having a wonderful day.

MikeUniformMike · 17/01/2020 14:39

and @TroysMammy
Many happy returns!

Ninkanink · 17/01/2020 14:42

@PhilCollinsFingerWag Happy Birthday! 🎉🍰🥂🍾💐😍

GoodDogBellaBoo · 17/01/2020 15:02

Happy Birthday!! 👑

NightsOfCabiria · 17/01/2020 15:09

Happy Birthday! CakeWine🎉

It’s shitty when people are like this but you just have to rise above it. Make your own plans/fuss. TELL people what will happen (e.g. party/dinner at mine tomorrow), meal out Saturday etc. I’d really like cookery/craft/hobby stuff this year.

Anyone who doesnt comply, you phase out and dont mark/acknowledge their birthday.

TheReef · 17/01/2020 15:13

Happy birthday OP ThanksWine