Is this 'typical' grandparent behaviour?

[NannaNoodleman]

DS & DD don't see their paternal grandparents much. There's a history but I just wanted an unbiased consensus:

DH has just got back from taking the children to see their grandparents. They'd left their Christmas decorations up to have a belated Christmas.

They told the kids that Santa came to their house because they (the children) were visiting.

They bought the kids £100s worth of gifts.

Is this 'typical' of grandparents? It's very different from how my parents behave so just trying to gage!

I am really pissed off about the Santa thing because:

1. Santa only brings one gift per child in our house, the other presents are from whoever they're from (DH did have a word with them but the seed had already been planted)
   
2. why didn't Santa leave gifts at their other grandparents?
   
3. the insinuation of "if you go to grandparents, Santa visits.

[Karenisbaren]

God how awful that the grandparents done this? Really? seriously what a kind lovely thing for them to do and your moaning?

[BaileysMadeMeDoIt]

You sound awful. What's your problem?

[Apolloanddaphne]

Santa always came to my maternal grandparents house. He never came to my paternal grandparents house. I never ever questioned this as a child.

[NannaNoodleman]

replaying Christmas with them as parents seems off to me and undermining of you and your dh the parents

^ this was also in my mind

[Karenisbaren]

Is your backstory like this story? Like you get offended because you only buy your child one present and make an issue out of something thats not an issue, it may not be the grandparents thats the problem here.

[NannaNoodleman]

We don't buy the children 1 present. They get one gift from Santa. The rest of the gifts are from us and whomever else has given them presents

[rvby]

I appreciate that theres history here but taken in isolation, it does sound like you are working really hard to be angry about something intended to please your kids.

I think you really need to pick your battles and see it through the kids eyes. This is only a power struggle if you participate in it.

If your ILs are actually bad people, then make decisions to protect your kids from them - if they're just a bit clueless, then learn some coping skills and turn the ego down a bit. Family life does not have to be perfectly orchestrated in order to benefit kids, it really doesn't.

[NannaNoodleman]

I came onto the relationship board to ask for advice and opinions.

There really isn't any need to be so insulting and rude.

[SleepyRoo]

Sounds like they are trying to make up the distant relationship by going a bit overboard with the gifting. I get that. I do also understand that from your perspective it might grate. However, you weren't there so may be missing some of the context.

You should ease up. Grandparents aren't around forever.

[Purplewhitelie]

I would be very pleased if the kids grandparents were that generous and that interested in being a grandparent!?

[Karenisbaren]

I dont think anyone is being rude just honest. How I would love for my childrens grandparents to be alive to do wonderful things like this.

[Sandsnake]

It would annoy me too, OP.

I’m not hugely invested in FC / Santa, but it’s a tradition that I think parents get to decide the mechanics of. We do a stocking from FC and that’s it - all other gifts are from the giver. We want DS to be grateful to those who gave him the gifts and also feel that it’s potentially upsetting for kids who get less if FC is supposed to have brought everything. I’d be annoyed if Grandparents came in with their own version of what FC does, as it’s not their place.

Also - and this is very subjective - I think that £100s of presents from Grandparents is excessive regardless. Realise that people will disagree though!

[NannaNoodleman]

This wasn't a battle. There was no drama.

It's something that happened and I wanted to know if it was normal grandparent behaviour. Not so I can make a fuss or create a scene ... quite the opposite.

[CalleighDoodle]

1. Santa is not real. You cannot dictate how other people lie.
   
2. Id say perfectly normal behaviour. My MIL has another christmas dinner with stockings at her house after the main day. My children live it as they know christmas is 12 days and getting presents more than once really solidifies it for them far more than all the church going

[NannaNoodleman]

People have used insults... that is rude and completely unnecessary. You can voice an opinion without insults.

[evertonlady]

@NannaNoodleman I once asked a question similar to yours, about dp's grandparents and honestly I got called all sorts, I actually left the site for a bit as it upset me.
Just ignore them, they don't know the backstory x

[Peridot1]

‘Santa’ used to leave presents at both sets of grandparents when I was a child. But we knew it was just our grandparents pretending. Didn’t spoil our excitement at the ‘real’ Santa at home.

My dad always writes from Santa on gift tags for presents for the grandchildren. It’s never been an issue. They know it’s grandad.

However - it is obv not what you are comfortable with. But it also depends on how your DH was brought up. Presumably his parents went a bit more over the top than yours?

There is no right way really.

[NannaNoodleman]

"Grandparents/parents/spouse/family members aren't around forever"

It doesn't give anyone a free rein of whatever behaviour because one day they'll be dead!

These people have been toxic and I'm over invested in keeping my children's mental/emotional / psychological well being safe from them whilst simultaneously supporting DH's desire to have them as part of our children's lives.

[NannaNoodleman]

They didn't do Christmas like this when DH was a child... this isn't their family tradition from when their children were young.

[OneTooManyBathtimes]

Santa delivers all presents, and sometimes gets things mixed up so they end up at different houses. It's a long night, and can't always read properly due to tiredness.

[Hercwasonaroll]

"grandparents spoil grandchildren at Christmas".... I can see the headline now

[Justmuddlingalong]

Does the fact that DH facilitates the kids having a relationship with them rankle you? Are you looking for another example of bad behaviour on his parents part to strengthen your case against them?

[letsgogogo]

It's just crazy to me that people can't see through this 'nice act'

A caring grandparent doesn't just go and invent their own Santa traditions at the expense of traditions the parents have already set in place. Especially considering the op said Santa brings one gift... What happens next year? Kids want to go to granny's house because Santa brings more there... My MIL would have checked with us first before doing something like that. Give gifts, yes! Start new Santa traditions? No

[NannaNoodleman]

Nope... as I said, quite the opposite.

I want nothing more than my children to be happy.

Their toxic history is towards DH & me. I just want to keep a check that their behaviour towards my children is normal.

[Missarad]

Nothing wrong with this unless you are jealous that your mum and dad didn't get lots of presents. My in laws spends 100 my mum spends 30 or 40 each to what they can afford?