Is this 'typical' grandparent behaviour?

[NannaNoodleman]

DS & DD don't see their paternal grandparents much. There's a history but I just wanted an unbiased consensus:

DH has just got back from taking the children to see their grandparents. They'd left their Christmas decorations up to have a belated Christmas.

They told the kids that Santa came to their house because they (the children) were visiting.

They bought the kids £100s worth of gifts.

Is this 'typical' of grandparents? It's very different from how my parents behave so just trying to gage!

I am really pissed off about the Santa thing because:

1. Santa only brings one gift per child in our house, the other presents are from whoever they're from (DH did have a word with them but the seed had already been planted)
   
2. why didn't Santa leave gifts at their other grandparents?
   
3. the insinuation of "if you go to grandparents, Santa visits.

[pusspuss9]

my son and DIL don't want lots of presents for their children so I get them one nice present and put money in their bank accounts that equals what I spend on other grandchildren.

[firewalkeruk]

If your husbands parents are well off or only have your children to buy for whereas your parents may have more grandchildren or aren't swimming in cash then yes I do see your issue.
We have an agreed budget with our sons and having right grandchildren we give what we can.
Of the three families the eldest sons inlaws go OTT and we feel they make Christmas and birthdays a competition. The middle boys inlaws are very accomodating and we have even had shared Christmas's and as for the youngest son, his wife's mother died when she was younger and her father has moved away and sends his grandkids only £20 each at Christmas.
Try talking to your DH's parents, tell them how kind they have been but explain what the issue is and see if you can't reach an accommodation.
Spoiling your grandchildren is one of life great pleasures but not at the expense of a good relationship with your daughter inlaw.

[bollocksybollocks]

My pil's also send presents from Santa (in the post before Christmas) to save confusion I just tell the kids they are from grandparents and they like to be involved in the magic so they write Santa. No big deal.

[CharlotteMD]

I think you need to chill out and remember that you are an adult.

[Yeahnah2020]

And the issue is?????

[Selfsettling3]

My parents typically spend lots (I’m managed to rein in the amount of stuff) and they say Santa has left presents for them. Growing up all our Christmas gifts from Mum and Dad were from Santa. My sister has always ran with the Santa theme of grandparents gifts. I always just say in front of DD that the presents are from Grandma and Granda.

Surely you must know what their Santa story has been from previous year when they were young enough to be corrected and easily distracted.

[saraclara]

If parents want to be precious and keep Santa just for them, then they have to communicate that clearly and kindly and well in advance.
There is nothing in the OP to indicate that this was ever done.

Likewise with gifts. If parents want to give the big gifts, then they need to have a discussion with the GPs beforehand about who's getting what. If you haven't, then saying that the grandparents were trying to outdo you is a bit of a stretch. If they don't know what you're getting how can that be the case?

[DicedTomatoes]

My parents don't do Santa at their house but they do spend hundreds on each child. Pretty much matches and sometimes goes over what we spend. So the spoiling with gifts would be normal here.

My kids also don't just get one gift from "Santa" though. Santa left me a sack of gifts when I was a kid and does the same for my kids.

What my parents give and spend is their business. My kids are lucky to have grandparents that want a bar of them because my husbands parents don't and he never had a relationship with his grandparents. Not to mention the relationships I've read about on here. So my parents wanting to have a relationship with my kids and spoil them is all good IMO.

[Whereisthelaughter]

Haha! @Starstruck2020 We could share tips!! I let them get some of the more pricey gifts this year... I went for the stuff which was more meaningful, the little stuff I knew they'd love but hadn't asked for... Needless to say that's the stuff that they love! More than one way to skin a cat eh?!

[Starstruck2020]

@Whereisthelaughter sounds like we need a debrief and and together

[Starstruck2020]

My parents do this. I don’t particularly like it but decided it wasn’t worth creating an issue over it. And that GP aren’t around forever

My mum also spends a lot of money at Christmas on DC. In the past I have felt she was a bit competitive with me and tried to out do me.. also made me feel pressured to spend over my budget which then made DH unhappy. I now sort of rationalise it by the DC are lucky to have GP that want to spend a lot of money and it’s their money to spend. I try not to feel like I have to spend more than them but it is hard to see the volume of what they get there compared to home. DH parents live elsewhere and organise much lower value gifts ie. don’t do what my DP”s do

[Whereisthelaughter]

I totally get this. My DC's paternal grandparents have undermined us with santa over the years and we've had to explain all sorts of things because of them that has just overcomplicated the whole Santa story. It has lead to proper fall outs when they were younger. Yes, he's not real, but I adore Christmas and the magic of santa and it's really tricky when someone else starts giving Santa stories that don't tie in with what you've said. It is a delicate lie at the best of times. We did hit those things head on, and like i say, we argued (well DH did) but it meant that it didn't repeat.

They did this very thing "Santa came to Grandma's house". In all honesty the kids didn't really question it, they were also quite young at the time. The following year we just talked about how grandma and grandad had bought them lots the year before and they never made the connection and grandparents didn't say it again, so it may go away next year.

They also spend an absolute fortune on them. Like you it also used to sit uncomfortably with me, not sure why really but now I guide them to buying things they want and, since their lists are now most of the Smyth's catalogue it actually takes the pressure off me buying. So try and think of it that way.

They have also done the belated Christmas day thing, again, hasn't bothered me really, but I go along and quite enjoy having another excuse to eat tons and celebrate. If your relationship is difficult with them I appreciate that won't be possible.

[HulksPurplePanties]

The children are 4&3 OP. They aren't going to remember by next Christmas that Santa only brings one gift or twenty. I'd let this one go.

[AugieMarch]

Normal grandparent behaviour, but then all grandparents are different. My parents give my dc 1 gift each for Christmas and birthdays. My in laws give them many, many gifts plus send things for their stockings from Santa. I find it a bit weird but accept that different families and different people have a different approach to Christmas. In part, I suspect its because my in laws both came from quite poor backgrounds and are now quite wealthy and enjoy spending money on family now that they can (they are very generous with dh and me too), whereas my family have been solidly middle class and comfortable financially for a few generations and my parents didn't go without as kids.

[gerispringer]

I’m a bit confused by family “traditions” - surely they evolve over the years? Or does every set of parents invent a new “tradition”:( or is that a oxymoron? Can a tradition be new?) . I wouldn’t do what these GPS are doing, but it sounds within the realms of normal behaviour and possibly reflects the fact that, for whatever reason, they don’t see their GC much.

[Blackbear19]

Why has it taken 3 weeks since Christmas to visit the DGP?
Have those gifts been waiting since Christmas day when Santa delivered them?

I'm not a big fan of GPs doing Santa. They've had their shot. And I do think inconsistencies is how they blow it.

There are clearly a back story and the GPs are trying to make up for lack of contact.

[TeensArghhhh]

Santa leaves presents for DD's child and DS's children here. There's never been a problem. Why on earth should there be? 🤔

[Rosehip345]

This would all be very odd in our family and I’d also be irritated.

Different families have different traditions but I would expect the grandparents to respect our wishes in ours. Just as we do around SIL family who have a different way of doing the whole Santa thing.

I personally wouldn’t want to be lumbered with hundreds of kids presents from PIL either regardless of who bought them, so I wouldn’t personally see that part as a win either.

[crazycatlady20]

my DS gets santa gifts at my parents. she is there often. most gifts tend to come from santa at my house but if it was diff they would follow whatever I did eg by just having one from santa and the rest from them. maybe ur grandparents didnt know as they arent as involved with ur kids?

[Poorolddaddypig]

Santa isn’t real, you’re literally annoyed because the GPs lie is slightly different to your own lie

[saraclara]

Also it genuinely wouldn't occur to me to check with the parents about the Father Christmas thing. Not for that age of child. Obviously if the parents had told me that they don't do FC, I'd respect it. But it's not so common for people to take that view, that I'd think to check first.

[saraclara]

I'd say it's normal, loving behaviour. And actually very sweet.

Of course I can see why you're over-thinking, given the backstory, and I don't blame you for that. But I could definitely see my lovely PILs doing this for our kids back in the day.

[LightDrizzle]

sunshinesupermum - okay, so in your family your nana, uncle or other family who fancied a go got to do Father Christmas with you and your siblings in November, December or January, and it was fine, everyone was happy. However the “Universal Father Christmas Christmas” is remarkably consistent in a few elements, one of which is it occurs on Christmas Eve, except in extreme circumstances when he makes a special journey. This is reinforced in films, adverts, books, poems, schools. Despite your experience, in 49 years I’ve only known parents or primary carers (who could be grandparents of course) perform that role, and it is very commonly talked about as being such a short and precious time when it is still “magic”. Many people say that Christmas is never the same after you stop believing yourself until you have young children. Mine are well past that age but the memories for all of us are really sweet. I miss that, and if I have grandchildren I know my daughter, will be looking forward to doing her own traditions around it. Love me though she does, if I did my own version with her children without asking her, I’ve no doubt she’d ask me what the fuck I thought I was doing. Luckily I wouldn’t dream of it. I had my turn.
Also I remember the doubts I had when I got to around 6 or 7 because some school friends’ stocking presents were wrapped and mine weren’t, only those under the tree from people were wrapped. One girl’s stocking had wrapped presents that weren’t even from Father Christmas, they were from her family with labels! My mum managed to feed me some cover story and I hung on until I was 8, but Father Christmas popping into multiple houses for the same child in different months is a bit of a stretch beyond the age of about 3 or 4 I reckon.
Buying grandchildren gifts is (usually) lovely, redoing the whole Father Christmas thing in January without a peep to the parents is not normal.

[Gutterton]

What’s the back story OP? I think that would allow others to see it through a particular lens.

[sunshinesupermum]

LightDrizzle Sorry but how is the universal Father Christmas Christmas only 'the parents’ territory' Seriously, it isn't appropriating him at all for the grandparents to say gifts came from him.

'I’d tell them it was very generous to get them the gifts, thank you, but please don’t do Father Christmas with them in the future. Tell them you’ve told the children it was actually them, not the real Father Christmas' I wouldn't appreciate DD telling me what you're saying to the OP. Probably cause an unnecessary row.