Erectile Dysfunction or Me?

[TDJames]

Hi all I need your help!

I have been seeing a guy for 2 years now.
We're both 28. When we are intimate he very rarely gets an erection and it's really affecting my self esteem.

He has told me in past relationships he hasn't had issues.
I have tried everything even when performing oral he has lost his erection.

The worst part is the things he says to me are confusing and it's hard for me to distinguish wether the problem is him trying to hide that he has ED/low sex drive or me not being attractive to him

(without sounding big headed) I'm usually described as an 'attractive girl' I feel like he may just be anxious or threatened etc.

I have included some quotes from our texts on the issue below (Although he sounds confident he is actually quite the opposite in the bedroom)

PLEASE help me to figure out the issue here -

'Even if there was the perfect person personality and looks I don’t have an urge to kiss them and have sex. Sex happens when im horny and its not by how someone looks or acts but how i feel based on my thoughts'

'it does not work for me unfortunately that i have sex because you want it'

'I care about you and just hope you can learn to appreciate me and not treat me unfairly for the way i am'

'You might say something and then i am not attracted to you at all and then you say something else and I'm attracted to you
But you do turn me on in general'

'I know this doesn't sound good but in relationships i take it when i want it or at least try lol and thats it. It doesn't matter about what the other person wants'

'sex alone won't satisfy me its something else or I'd just use a prostitute'

'Its not that you didn't turn me on, well it is in some way but its the situation that turns me off'

If you have got this far reading my post thank you please share your opinion xx

You're too young for this shit.
Dump and move on to someone who shags like a rabbit.

Oh fuck, no. Way too much bullshit. End it and find someone else.

I know this doesn't sound good but in relationships i take it when i want it or at least try lol and thats it. It doesn't matter about what the other person wants

Wtf????

He sounds beyond awful.

The "taking it when he wants it" message is disgusting. How far would he go, I wonder.

Sounds like he's trying to blame whatever the problem is on you. In a way, it doesn't matter what the reason is, that fact alone should make you run for the hills.

He's got some kind of issue. Dump and move on, at your age there's plenty of other men to choose from who won't make you feel inadequate. And will shag you senseless if you'd like them to

He sounds like a bit of a wanker, TBH.
(and most likely literally too. Google 'death grip')

Cholesterol problem can lead to ED.
Problem is with him, not you.

Fuck him off...

Get rid

You can do better than put up with this kind of bullshit

It doesn't matter about what the other person wants
in past relationships he hasn't had issues.
Its not that you didn't turn me on, well it is in some way

He doesn’t care about you, he’s treating you like shit so go and find someone who treats you like a goddess and leave him and his erectile disfunction.

No reason to make his problems yours.

Dump.

Rejection is heartbreaking and soul-destroying. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. The interval between each session gets longer, you feel worse every time he rejects you, and he may try to make you feel that you're sex mad and abnormal in your desires. And he's told you it's all about what he wants:

'I know this doesn't sound good but in relationships i take it when i want it or at least try lol and thats it. It doesn't matter about what the other person wants'

40 years of marriage, and the last 10 or so the infrequency and outright rejection have been terribly painful. Promises to be together more often are soon forgotten, or maybe there was never any intention to follow through. Maybe it's just empty words meant to shut me up. As bad as that is, though, at least I have wild monkey sex to look back on. Sounds like that won't happen for you and it's not your fault. He's making it seem that way to excuse his own behavior. Maybe he enjoys toying with your emotions. Please don't let him continue to chip away at your self-esteem.

Are you happy in your relationship as it is now?

Get him to see GP before trying to figure this out. Young slim healthy DH had a nearly completely blocked artery to his heart, they operated the same day he had the tests. They only did the tests because I nagged him to nag the GP over and over until they investigated. He'd likely be dead now if we hadn't.

Could be anything, death grip, sexuality issue, health, anything. But for some reason he's blaming you for not making him feel "sexual" enough. For most blokes, a 28 year old woman standing naked in front of them asking for sex is plenty sexual enough tbh, let alone oral and everything else. He's got some serious problem going on and no intention of addressing it. The blaming you doesn't bode well for the rest of the relationship either. Ditch.

It's definitely him.

Only clear symptom was ED btw for clarity! And "heartburn".

What the actual fucking he'll have I just read. Run fast and run far. He's a bloody nightmare and he'll fuck your head up. You're worth more than that!

Fuck that shite, not when you’re in your 20s!

Dump and find someone better.

Erm wtaf.
He's trying to blame you! What a vile little floppy man!

Thank you all for you responses.

I've never met a guy like this before so it completely confused me.
In addition to the 'word salad' he uses

I do feel like he is 'blaming me' to hide his underlying issues and overcompensating for his issues by acting overly confident/ignorant

Thank you for reassuring me that it isn't me x

So what are you going to do about it ?

Well, he's clearly shown you who he is: a vile floppy dicked wanker who thinks it's his right to take whatever he wants when he wants it regardless of if the other person does ie a rapist.

Run far and fast and don't look back.

My ED began in my early 30's shortly after my first child was born. Mine started as stress related, but became much worse with antidepressant medication. I'm 58 now and my ED is much worse, to the point where I am considering having my prostate removed to eliminate the problems that result from infrequent sex.

Sounds like your guy has some serious background issues. Given your age, moving on is probably the best option.

I understand how the 'take it when he wants it' has came across but I really do not believe he meant it as in 'rape'
more he's interested in meeting his needs not mine - selfish.

I also think if he was able to meet my needs when I wanted he would.
I believe it's all a front to disguise the ED issue. Still no excuse I know!

He obviously is mentally ill and/or psychologically disturbed in some way. At his age it's unlikely to be anything physical. It takes a lot of mental disturbance for a young guy to not usually be able to get and keep an erection (the occasional 'off' session is normal, but not this)

I have been cursed by somehow almost always ending up with guys who can't manage it, for a lot of my adult life. The time soon goes- don't waste it without decent sex.

Have fun!

And:-

' in relationships i take it when i want it or at least try lol and thats it. It doesn't matter about what the other person wants'

As a PP said, WTAF? Nooooooooo