Erectile Dysfunction or Me?

[TDJames]

Hi all I need your help!

I have been seeing a guy for 2 years now.
We're both 28. When we are intimate he very rarely gets an erection and it's really affecting my self esteem.

He has told me in past relationships he hasn't had issues.
I have tried everything even when performing oral he has lost his erection.

The worst part is the things he says to me are confusing and it's hard for me to distinguish wether the problem is him trying to hide that he has ED/low sex drive or me not being attractive to him

(without sounding big headed) I'm usually described as an 'attractive girl' I feel like he may just be anxious or threatened etc.

I have included some quotes from our texts on the issue below (Although he sounds confident he is actually quite the opposite in the bedroom)

PLEASE help me to figure out the issue here -

'Even if there was the perfect person personality and looks I don’t have an urge to kiss them and have sex. Sex happens when im horny and its not by how someone looks or acts but how i feel based on my thoughts'

'it does not work for me unfortunately that i have sex because you want it'

'I care about you and just hope you can learn to appreciate me and not treat me unfairly for the way i am'

'You might say something and then i am not attracted to you at all and then you say something else and I'm attracted to you
But you do turn me on in general'

'I know this doesn't sound good but in relationships i take it when i want it or at least try lol and thats it. It doesn't matter about what the other person wants'

'sex alone won't satisfy me its something else or I'd just use a prostitute'

'Its not that you didn't turn me on, well it is in some way but its the situation that turns me off'

If you have got this far reading my post thank you please share your opinion xx

Dump!!! The problem is 100% his and not yours. please don't let this affect your self esteem, what a load of sit he's spewing to hid his impotence.

Ruuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn!!!! He’s a twat to be trying to blame you...I promise you now it’s not you! It’s him!

You are seriously too young for any explanation, you’ve said you are attractive, Dump and run! Even without the ED he sounds an arse from his texts!!

The ED is bad obviously

But the blaming me and the gaslighting and making me feel unattractive is far worse
and has messed with my head.

I would much rather he'd just admitted he had an issue. Thank you for your support again x

*But the blaming me and the gaslighting and making me feel unattractive is far worse
and has messed with my head.

I would much rather he'd just admitted he had an issue.*

You have hit the nail square on the head!!

When they won't address their issues it will just get worse. He has no intention of sorting it out so . . . say goodbye, move on.

"Word salad" I like that. Assuming I'm interpreting it correctly!

Does he watch a lot of Porn?

Definitely him. Sad he’s blaming you. Move on.

Take how you feel now and multiply it by ten and that is how you will feel in a couple of years time if you let this continue.
This will not improve. He is not trying to do anything about the situation and it is likely that the frequency will decline and the blaming you will increase until you have no self esteem left.
You are a young woman in the prime of your life and could be out having fantastic sex with someone who is able, willing and eager to satisfy you. Please don't waste anymore time here.

Thank you all so much! you've all really helped reassuring me. I felt so confused, when your in the midst of crazy making behaviour your heads clouded and judgement becomes poor.

My friends have previously said he's intimidated and likes to bring me down, I suppose his ED issues won't help with his self esteem either.

I will not continue seeing him!

I should have never allowed myself to get in a position with someone so toxic (in many ways not just this issue)

xxx

He's a weirdo!

Fuck no. Sounds like a porn addict and an asshole in one. Do yourself a massive favour and leave.

Takes it when he wants it...
Tell him to fuck off in the direction of off..
Respect yourself and move the hell on

Dear God, at 28 with a naked woman in front of you any normal guy would be so hard he could hammer nails in with it.
He's got issues.
Move on,
Find someone normal who will love you and make you happy.
There's plenty good guys out there.

Is he on antidepressants/anti anxiety drugs? They affect men quite a lot

I am truly amazed at the uninformed impressions about ED that shows up here. Porn has nothing to do with ED. (Grow up already.) There any number of physiological issues that can cause ED. LowT, Vitamin D deficiency, any of a number of amino acid deficiencies. There are also the psychological possibilities. If you don't want to deal with male deficiencies...walk away...and become a lesbian. All men have the ED issues sooner or later.

It's not just ED. It's what he's said, the gaslighting and the blaming.

3 guesses:

1. Asexual;
2. Closet gay;
3. Pathological demand avoidance;
4. Combination of above.

You're young. Don't stay for this. Get out now.

Whether his ED is caused by something physical or mental or he is gay , what he's saying to you is awful. Good for you for walking away

I'm glad you've decided not to see him anymore

Most likely just a narcissist or similar and the whole ED thing is about control. Just like everything else with them.

Run for the hills.

@LostParentAZ the ED has absolutely nothing to do with my reply, it's his messages! He has a poor attitude, seems abusive and controlling and in a short time he's already fucking with OPs head. If he didn't have ED it'd be something else.

Also, very common for porn to cause ED, if you have sons I'd recommend looking into some of the research and ways boys and men can be helped before and after it becomes an issue.

🚩 🚩 🚩 run for the hills!

Are you still with him?

Of course he’ll claim it was never a problem with previous girlfriends - embarrassing problem or what!
And his attitude of turning it around on you is disgusting.