Private investigators

[Newnameforthis11]

Has anyone ever used a private investigator or know anyone that has if they’ve had very strong suspicions their partner is cheating? Was it worth it? Did it take long? What were the costs?

No need to pay for a PI. Just get into his phone and also put a tracker on his car. Where the car goes, he goes.

Surely if you're at the point of hiring a private eye or installing trackers, your relationship is FUBAR and you might as well call it a day.

Basically whatever way you look at it, the relationship is not tenable.

You don’t trust him. You will look for evidence to establish whatever it is you think he is doing. The absence of evidence to prove won’t convince you he is being true to you. It’s a self defeating cycle.

Not helped by the fact he probably is cheating to get you into this state

Save your money for a solicitor to advise on separation or divorce.

Putting a tracker on a car, that illegal right?

I can’t get into the phone, I have no idea what the passcode is, he’s also never away from it. I’ve looked at trackers and I think it may be illegal so I don’t really want to go there.

Put a voice activated recorder in his car ? That's not illegal

category12 yes, you’re completely right. However, it’s pretty hard to end a marriage with no evidence though. I will forever be the unreasonable one who ended the marriage and tore the DC lives apart. I’ve tried ending it before and just got screamed at and called names. If I have hard evidence it will be easier.

Well it's easy to see what the passcode is, just look over his shoulder or give the side-eye when he's putting his password in - you'll soon figure it out. And it won't always be with him, some of the time he'll be sleeping or in the bath.

Failing that, just go and ask him now if you can see whats on his phone. If he says no, he's cheating. As a PP said, save your money for a good solicitor.

The phone is Face ID, I really do have no chance of looking at it.

I know someone who did. Her Ex-DH was a champion gaslighter, so getting incontrovertible proof helped her get clarity.

Being screamed at and called names is a good reason for ending it, not staying. How is the rest of your marriage aside from the possibility of him cheating? I mean, that scarcely sounds blissful and I'm guessing it's not unusual for him.

It doesn't have to be a huge dramatic undeniable reason to split up with someone, it can just be because it doesn't work between you. You also don't have to get him to agree with you that it's over. It's just over if you say it is.

Can you not hold a picture up of him for the face ID?

Yep I have used a PI before- we are engaged now but were dating at the time. I just needed confirmation of information (not cheating concerns)- I think I just googled someone and used them. They weren't very good to start, but in the end they put a tracker on his car and found out everything I needed to know.

Wait til he’s asleep, hold the phone over his face... I know of two friends who are now getting divorced after catching their STBXH out that way...

A PI will be a waste of money. Any evidence of infidelity will be on his phone and if you can't get into it, a PI certainly won't be able to.

All a PI can do is follow him to see where he goes and he will cost an absolute fortune.

Can I ask what makes you think he's cheating on you?

If he screamed at you and called you names, what more evidence do you need. 'He called me horrible names' is justification enough to end a marriage. And you don't need to prove that, your word on the matter is enough.

Face ID?

Don't use it on my phone but is there any chance it would work from a clear facial picture of him on a laptop?

I'm guessing it needs eyes open otherwise I'd say hold it in front of him when asleep.

Wait til he’s asleep, hold the phone over his face... I know of two friends who are now getting divorced after catching their STBXH out that way...

that's genius!

The marriage is not great. He refuses to accept that separating is a possibility and I’m too scared to bring it up again.

Get a good photo of him, that should work for facial ID ...

I'd get in touch with one to ask rates-I couldn't end it without proof myself, even knowing it's over. A mate could probably track him if you trusted anyone to ask

Do photos actually work? Kinda makes a mockery of the security if all you need is a photo.

Face ID definitely doesn’t work if your eyes are closed

I’m too scared to bring it up again

Is it an abusive marriage?

Maybe you would be better speaking to Women's Aid than a PI.

It’s perfectly normal and healthy to leave a relationship you don’t want to be in. Nobody sane would judge you on that. Even if there are children.

What isn’t normal or healthy is to set PIs and trackers on someone. What’s not sane is to expect people to stay married if they are not happy.