Private investigators

[Newnameforthis11]

Has anyone ever used a private investigator or know anyone that has if they’ve had very strong suspicions their partner is cheating? Was it worth it? Did it take long? What were the costs?

Gin and gingers that would make any PI liable for stalking

The ops husband would have to prove the phone was connected to op
The ops husband would have to prove the phone was used for stalking

They are married and I bet most married couples leave personal items in each other’s cars from time to time

It’s not going to be an easy thing to prove

To answer your initial question. I worked in a job that used PIs. Admittedly for different reasons. I was amazed at what they could find out based on what often was very limited information we had. The one thing I would suggest is be quite specific about the information you want. If you were anyway vague they would give you pointless reports .

Trust me, I have a billion examples of unreasonable behaviour I could use, I know I can just file, it would be hell on earth to live with him after though. I’m not brave enough to try again which is why I need a good piece of evidence that will hopefully shut him up for a bit. I know it will be turned back on me, it will still be easier though.

The suggestion of one of my friends calling his phone, I’m not sure if that would work. My friends don’t have his number and his friends don’t have my number. It would be literally the first time they’d ever called him and that would look really suspicious when I’ve got my own perfectly fine phone for them to call

Have you looked into the possibility of getting an occupation order? Have you spoken with a solicitor or Women's Aid?

I'll stop posting if you want me to, but your situation sounds much worse than him just cheating on you. What happens if you can't find proof, are you just going to stay there?

category12 I spoke to a solicitor a few months ago, he found out and was angry. If I can’t find evidence I don’t know what I’ll do. How do people leave relationships like this? I feel like any fight in me is gone and I can’t face him getting angry again.
I just don’t feel like it’s bad enough for women’s aid or to be able to get an occupation order

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

It is controlling and abusive not to accept that a relationship is over. He is refusing to give you a voice or a choice in your life. That should be enough to get an occupation order. Speak to women’s aid

Otherwise I would also put any money and energy into getting counselling to help you leave this toxic relationship rather than a PI or devices that tell you he isn’t to be trusted.

@ivykaty44 it's the law! 🤷🏼‍♀️

It would apply to everyone then, including the police.... as they are also bound to follow the law. Which means no one could be followed or tracked

Ivykaty44

It’s illegal for a member of the public to track others or to bug their calls. The police have specified powers but even so usually need to obtain warrants to do it.

Police have powers of arrest, have powers of stop, search and entry for various purposes. They have delegated powers far beyond what 'normal people' have. The below is literally a piece of government legislation. It's pretty black and white. This makes interesting reading if you're so inclined... assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/264093/8691.pdf.

I totally understand why people would be tempted to use PIs for these sort of situations, but in the interests of protecting themselves from the law, in a situation that doesn't appear to be their fault, I would really really hope they don't.

IMO, and it's been said below, if you're at this stage in a relationship anyway, I would suggest there is little that can be done to recover from it anyway.

@LemonTT exactly! Look into RIPA and warrants; these things are not done at the drop of a hat.

Can you smudge or scratch the front camera so it doesn't work for Face ID?

you are never going to achieve "non bad guy" status when breaking up with a controlling narcissist. in his eyes he is perfect and everything wrong is your fault. even if he is cheating he will find a way for that to be your fault too.

forget about proof. the relationship is over because there is no mutual trust and support. you are frightened to talk to him about how you feel. he yells at you and is horrible to you when he saw evidence that you aren't completely under his control. that is proof enough.

women's aid will help. even if they don't have a shelter space available they can guide you through what you need to do to escape.