Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My mum has blocked me on Facebook

62 replies

BluueVelvett · 10/01/2020 17:27

Posted here a few times about my mum. I'm sorry for posting again, I don't have many friends, I missed my therapist appointment this week because of reduced movements with my pregnancy (I'm 25 weeks) and I have nobody to talk to and just feel so down and lonely.

My whole life my mum has been difficult, she has borderline personality disorder but she has always taken things out more on me than anyone else in the family. She is so nice to my younger sister, who's 21, even though my younger sister can talk to her like absolute crap. But with me, she will snap at me, make horrible comments, and give me absolutely evil looks over the smallest thing. When I commented on this she said 'I treat you differently because of your needs.' I still don't know what this means, but I've always been the one to make sure she's okay when she's down, I've always been the one to try to cheer her up and I've always been the one to forgive her straight away for anything.

The past few months have been quite bad. Since being pregnant she has completely taken over my pregnancy and made everything about her, to the point where if I even say I know my baby is going to be beautiful she will tell me that's because he is going to look like her. She constantly slags off my partner, she's told me she's coming into the room straight after my C-Section because she 'deserves to be the third person to hold him over anyone else' and she's telling me what I can and can't do in terms of breastfeeding, changing etc.

She's recently lost a lot of weight and she's started picking about how big I am (size 14), and she'll make comments such as 'I'm too skinny for my old clothes now, you should try them on to see if they fit you'.

Recently, she invited a friend round to her house who she has never liked. She told me she had invited her round and I said one thing: 'I thought you didn't like her?' She flew off the handle at me screaming, telling me I was a child (I'm 24) and that I can't tell her what to do, and then she screamed at me telling me to leave the house, and so I left driving home in tears. When I got home she text to say sorry. That's probably the only time she's ever said sorry to me - it's always me crawling back to her.

On Christmas eve she made a meal for my family and told me how I hadn't been invited when I asked what time I should come. So I didn't go. And then on Christmas day she said it would be better if her daughter wasn't here (me) to the rest of my family. I ended up going to my partners because I just couldn't deal with the negativity.

And then the big thing has happened...

A while ago I was looking at prams and my mum said she would buy it for me. We looked at a few options but we never spoke about it again, and now I only have 14 weeks left until I have baby I'm wanting to get organised, but she's been complaining non-stop and very apparently about how she has no money, she'll joke about me lending her money, and that she can't afford anything. If I buy anything it will be about how she can't afford that. Recently, my I was at my partners when his MIL offered to buy me a pram after asking what was left that I needed. I'd mentioned my mum had said in the past but haven't spoken about it since and agreed to let her buy one. I now see that was a big mistake and unfair to my mum, I should have spoken to her about it first.

But I let my mum know via text that it was okay, that she didn't need to buy the pram now and that she could save some money. She absolutely flipped, told me it was a 'disgusting thing to do', to 'go away you silly little girl', to 'leave me alone and go away' and she then said 'you are a horrible human being' all in the space of about two minutes.

I asked her not to speak to me like that, the only words I said in the whole conversation, and she has now ignored me since. It's been four days, and I've now seen she has blocked me on Facebook.

I feel tired of all of this constantly, I'm struggling with pregnancy because I have a chronic illness and I struggle with my mental health myself. It just feels exhausting and now I'm just sat here feeling guilty as hell because I should not have text her about the pram and should have let her buy it, but I honestly didn't see how it could be a big thing until now.

I have no way of contacting her now, and as I mentioned I don't really have any friends local due to moving and the rest of my family are hours away and my sister is hours away at uni. I feel so alone and down and I just don't know how to handle this. What can I do to make the situation better?

OP posts:
NotStayingIn · 11/01/2020 14:05

Cancel the scan, I think it’s quite inappropriate anyway; to have an unnecessary scan so one set of grandparents can avoid the father... I mean, not a road I would want to travel down if I’m in a happy relationship.

Your mother really is a piece of work, stay firm OP. Flowers

Elbbob · 11/01/2020 14:13

Cancel the scan. Extra scans for fun (rather than medical necessity) are not good for the baby.
I would ignore her birthday. Anything you do re: her birthday will provoke a negative response- if you send a card/gift/message it won't be good enough or she'll find a reason to abuse you about it. So send nothing and do not respond/react when she complains about it.

BluueVelvett · 11/01/2020 14:19

Thanks everyone will cancel the scan. Hadn't wanted to do it without my partner but got guilt-tripped into it. At least I can save some money there.

Will leave the birthday too.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 11/01/2020 14:21

Have you blocked her from face book, mobile etc? Because you might have her coming at you on her birthday, so possibly you might want to consider doing so. . . even just for that day. Okay, week. Month? Year?!

BluueVelvett · 11/01/2020 14:28

@mbosnz She's blocked me! So the only way I'd be able to speak to her is if she unblocked me anyway. But I could call the housephone to wish her a happy birthday. I know I'm going to feel so guilty all of Thursday.

OP posts:
goatbame · 11/01/2020 14:41

Do NOT feel guilty. She doesn't deserve your time or guilt.

Thescrewinthetuna · 11/01/2020 14:47

Don’t feel guilty. Ignore her now. You deserve better than her, she will never be the mother you want or need. I’m sorry. Focus on your partner and baby now and stop going after her. Cancel the scan as well. Sorry to be blunt, I know it’s difficult when it’s your parent, but she is awful and she blocked you so take that as your cue to ignore her without a guilty conscience.

Treacletoots · 11/01/2020 14:50

Don't you dare feel guilty. That's what she's trying to do.

My mother held a big party for her 60th, and then when I turned up with a gift (a specially made necklace from a friend of mine) her first response was, in a nasty hiss, it was my birthday yesterday, and your cousin/brother/uncle all came over and gave me flowers etc (they don't have ft jobs so can go whenever)

So she expected me to take the day off work to shower her with gifts even though she's a completely obnoxious toxic cow, as well as give up my Saturday to attend her beauty parade party, where, she'd sat me to the opposite corner of the party to her. What a cu next Tuesday.

Im glad I cut her off. I should have done it decades before.

Dacquoise · 11/01/2020 18:03

One of the weird things I've found from going no contact with my toxic mother is that's it's made little difference to my life as I never really 'had' a mother. She didn't add anything of noticeable difference so you may find that you come to that conclusion yourself. My mother was demanding, draining and completely self absorbed, another person to look after. Having a baby will give you lots of opportunity to make friends, whether it's antenatal or school mums.

Aussiebean · 11/01/2020 18:07

I think @mbosnz point was that you should also block her.

That way she can’t just come at you with no warning.

By blocking her back, you are more in control.

picklemepopcorn · 11/01/2020 18:18

I find taking the superficial interpretation of her behaviour really helps. You know and we know she's expecting you to rush around panicking and trying to win her back. However, when someone blocks you it usually means they don't want to hear from you. So "oh, I thought you wanted me to stay away for a while, as you blocked me."

You need to practise the innocent 'oh, did I miss your message?' 'Oh, were you trying to get hold of me?' Etc.

Never try and solve her problems- half of them are ways of keeping you in line. So 'oh, that sounds tough, I don't know, did she? what a shame etc...'

mbosnz · 11/01/2020 18:23

@Aussiebean

Eggzackerly. . .

New posts on this thread. Refresh page