Posted here a few times about my mum. I'm sorry for posting again, I don't have many friends, I missed my therapist appointment this week because of reduced movements with my pregnancy (I'm 25 weeks) and I have nobody to talk to and just feel so down and lonely.
My whole life my mum has been difficult, she has borderline personality disorder but she has always taken things out more on me than anyone else in the family. She is so nice to my younger sister, who's 21, even though my younger sister can talk to her like absolute crap. But with me, she will snap at me, make horrible comments, and give me absolutely evil looks over the smallest thing. When I commented on this she said 'I treat you differently because of your needs.' I still don't know what this means, but I've always been the one to make sure she's okay when she's down, I've always been the one to try to cheer her up and I've always been the one to forgive her straight away for anything.
The past few months have been quite bad. Since being pregnant she has completely taken over my pregnancy and made everything about her, to the point where if I even say I know my baby is going to be beautiful she will tell me that's because he is going to look like her. She constantly slags off my partner, she's told me she's coming into the room straight after my C-Section because she 'deserves to be the third person to hold him over anyone else' and she's telling me what I can and can't do in terms of breastfeeding, changing etc.
She's recently lost a lot of weight and she's started picking about how big I am (size 14), and she'll make comments such as 'I'm too skinny for my old clothes now, you should try them on to see if they fit you'.
Recently, she invited a friend round to her house who she has never liked. She told me she had invited her round and I said one thing: 'I thought you didn't like her?' She flew off the handle at me screaming, telling me I was a child (I'm 24) and that I can't tell her what to do, and then she screamed at me telling me to leave the house, and so I left driving home in tears. When I got home she text to say sorry. That's probably the only time she's ever said sorry to me - it's always me crawling back to her.
On Christmas eve she made a meal for my family and told me how I hadn't been invited when I asked what time I should come. So I didn't go. And then on Christmas day she said it would be better if her daughter wasn't here (me) to the rest of my family. I ended up going to my partners because I just couldn't deal with the negativity.
And then the big thing has happened...
A while ago I was looking at prams and my mum said she would buy it for me. We looked at a few options but we never spoke about it again, and now I only have 14 weeks left until I have baby I'm wanting to get organised, but she's been complaining non-stop and very apparently about how she has no money, she'll joke about me lending her money, and that she can't afford anything. If I buy anything it will be about how she can't afford that. Recently, my I was at my partners when his MIL offered to buy me a pram after asking what was left that I needed. I'd mentioned my mum had said in the past but haven't spoken about it since and agreed to let her buy one. I now see that was a big mistake and unfair to my mum, I should have spoken to her about it first.
But I let my mum know via text that it was okay, that she didn't need to buy the pram now and that she could save some money. She absolutely flipped, told me it was a 'disgusting thing to do', to 'go away you silly little girl', to 'leave me alone and go away' and she then said 'you are a horrible human being' all in the space of about two minutes.
I asked her not to speak to me like that, the only words I said in the whole conversation, and she has now ignored me since. It's been four days, and I've now seen she has blocked me on Facebook.
I feel tired of all of this constantly, I'm struggling with pregnancy because I have a chronic illness and I struggle with my mental health myself. It just feels exhausting and now I'm just sat here feeling guilty as hell because I should not have text her about the pram and should have let her buy it, but I honestly didn't see how it could be a big thing until now.
I have no way of contacting her now, and as I mentioned I don't really have any friends local due to moving and the rest of my family are hours away and my sister is hours away at uni. I feel so alone and down and I just don't know how to handle this. What can I do to make the situation better?